songs are as sad as the listener

1 If you were to identify the inner need that your worst habit fulfills, what would it be? 

    that's easy: it's fearing abandonment and so pushing away anyone who could be in a position to hurt me by leaving. That includes individuals, of course, but also friend groups, animals, activities, jobs, and hobbies. 

    This isn't unique to me; many studies (including this one) have explored the connection between one's attachment style in the past and present. Articles like this one look at what holds people back from success in love. Projects like this one, and innumerable therapy options, aim at achieving and maintaining 'attachment security'. 

    A more in-depth post on this specific subject is in the works.

 

2 If you could have avoided knowing about one thing during your life, what would it be, and why? 

    I'd have been happier not knowing the lengths that people can go to, to try and ease out of situations and relationships that they don't want to be in but are afraid or unwilling to leave directly. 

    Why? Identifying a pothole doesn't always make it easier to avoid. In the same way that it's possible to share too much bald truth in the pursuit of "honesty," it's also possible to hurt someone by trying too hard "to protect them from pain."

3 If one thing could happen right now that would most effectively boost your confidence, what would it be? 

    getting even the most slight handle on losing weight. It's not that I've so much to lose, or am so terribly much more unhealthy because of it. I'm just tired of thinking about it and working on it and talking about it with doctors. I want it to get out of my limelight.

4 If you could follow your heart right now and do one thing that you otherwise wouldn't be inclined to do, what would it be? 

    move, and leave no forwarding address except to a handful of people. Leave this money-pit and associated home-owning hassles to someone else, live in my car or rent a small space, and cut a bunch of dead-end energy wasting out of my life. Move to a place where it doesn't hurt to breathe the cold air, where evidence of failed relationships doesn't surround me at all times, occasionally popping up at the gas station or grocery store. Where it's easier to find good take-out, clothing to buy, or people who like books. Where a very rich person doesn't own huge swaths of property in town with an aim to turn it into a shrine to their own ego.

 

5 If you were to select the one characteristic of your zodiac sign that most fits your personality, what would it be? 

    my most notable negative trait: overly independent, which also reads as pushing people away, standoffishness, or being a snob

    my strongest positive trait: observant—see also thoughtful, considerate, or perceptive

 

6 If you were to name three people throughout your life that helped to complete you as a person, who would they be? 

     one academic version of an answer to this question: my English prof in undergrad (by believing in my ability to write—and for opening my eyes, however unwittingly, to mental sexual attraction), my thesis advisor (for showing me that there is a difference between being just a student and being a scholar), and my Constitutional Law professor (who was a pro at arguing well, and only liked students who could hold their own). All of those attributes, skills, predilections, and preferences shaped what I care about and who I am, every single day.

 

7 If you were to name the most comforting thing for you to hold in your hands, what would it be? 

    a cat 

[from If: Questions for the Soul; the title quotation is by Jonathan Safran Foer, from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close]