15 years ago, I:
1. Was 18 years old and unbelievably immature. I'm looking at my journal from that time and it's nearly too horrible to explain.
2. Didn't have a serious boyfriend. But I spent time with ...a decent chunk of the male population of Winona, Minn. Judging by what's in the journal, much of the time was spent in Banger's Pub. And Mingle's Fundrinkery. And at "some guy's apartment who worked at Midtown". (Midtown Foods IGA was a grocery store that employed about 200 locals between 16 and 25, myself included. It was a meat market in more ways than one.)
3. Was a photojournalism major and intended to be a sports photographer. I wanted to live in Boston.
4. Drove a 1980 Plymouth Horizon with a silver and black exterior and a burgundy interior. It was a piece of crap body with a VW Rabbit engine. I treated it badly but it was obviously charmed.
5. Lived in the basement at 262 Walnut St. with Maureen & Jim and their 3 kids, Nathan, Emily and Daniel. Nathan just lost his license for aggravated DUI after suspension; Emily's a single mom; Daniel's the cutest kid ever (although "kid" for a 26-year-old dates me more than anything else I've ever said).
6. Had Murf (a Maine Coon, etc.), who lived at Mom & Dad's. She'd been mine since I was 12 and my brother brought her and Herman home from my uncle's farm, buttoned into his jean jacket, on his motorcycle. Their mother had been killed and they were too little to care for themselves. We were going to keep them "only until they were big enough to go back to the farm". Herman was hit by a car on my 13th birthday. Murf was extremely fluffy - she looked like a sheep from the belly down. She lived to be 9.
7. Wore my hair to mid-back length with mouth-length bangs hanging over my left eye. Not as much makeup as one might expect, but I can't really pull it off with this pale skin anyway.
February 1994
10 years ago, I was 23 and:
1. Lived in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which I hated with a passion.
2. Worked at Kaplan Educational Center as the Office Manager. I'd been hired as an Enrollment Counselor about 10 months before the promotion. It was the first job of several that I've had where I was hired in one position but gently massaged my way into a position I liked better. "Enrollment Counselor" = salesperson, and what I was selling was $500+ prep classes for standardized tests. Once I became Office Manager, I spent my time making sure we had class space, sufficient books and other supplies, qualified teachers, etc. It was a good job and I was really, really good at it.
3. Was about 7 months from starting my graduate work at Eastern Michigan University, home of my ill-fated thesis. Yes, the same one.
4. Wore my hair to my waist in Julia Roberts-Pretty Woman spiral curls, dressed up with the 27" waist black-watch plaid schoolgirl skirt that I wore maybe once a week for a year. Ugh.
5. Had had P00ke & H0bbes for 5 years. Had adopted them from my friend Tammy in October, 1989 when they were 6 weeks old. Originally planned to take one - P00ke. But when I went to pick her up, Tammy handed me a tiny, squawking gray bundle and said, "Hold this." She went to get P00ke. When she came back, she said, "That's the one that nobody wants. She's going to the farm." Naturally, I left with two. Best snap decision I ever made.
6. Spent money as fast as I made it, in an effort to not be miserable in A2.
February 1999
5 years ago, I was 28 and:
1. Had moved to Syc., Illinois, and was in my third year at Northern Illinois University College of Law.
2. Was working as a graduate assistant in the Physical Therapy Department at NIU, getting a tuition waiver and making a stipend to make photocopies and answer the telephone once a week.
3. Received my MPRE (Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination) score, from the test that I took in November. It's the first test that one takes on the way toward passing the bar. In Ill., a scaled score of 80 is required for passing. I scored 102.
4. Heard from my friend Meg that the Lib. at which I now work might be looking for someone to work in Tech Services soon, because R. was planning to leave for greener pastures. "Hmm," I thought, "perhaps I can work there temporarily, while I study for the bar exam."
5. Wore my hair in Julia Roberts-Pretty Woman spiral curls, but dressed down considerably by my jeans with holes in the knees.
February 2002
2 years ago, I was 31 and:
1. Was living in a condo the size of a bathroom stall while looking for a house to buy, and was damned sick of the entire process. Had looked at 21 dwellings of various levels of quality before finding "the one".
2. Still worked at that "temporary" job (although I hadn't really mentioned it being temporary when I accepted it) of Head of Tech Svcs at the Lib. at which I now work
3. Had periodically picked up and set down my thesis (and revised chapter one so many times that it should've been the Great American Chapter by then), to the point that I'd finally filed for an extension so that I wouldn't lose credit for the classes I'd taken at EMU. Progress....
4. Was in physical therapy because my neurologist had finally determined that the muscles in my neck were causing some of the migraines that I was having (up to 4 days a week).
5. Had made a real friend, not so long before, that I was tentatively learning how to treasure. We had been acquaintances first, at work, and then sort of friends in a way that I'm not sure either of us really remember. And then there's a flurry of memories, for me anyway, capped off with her standing next to my desk saying, "I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but I'm leaving my husband. I just had to tell you." It was a burden and a gift at once: the burden of handling a difficult situation correctly, of course, and the gift of being the one to be trusted. It was unlike the stereotypical friendships from before (backstabbing shit from high school where we surruptitiously kissed each others' boyfriends just 'cause we could get away with it, or vague college meaningless drinking amiability, or law school back-scratching networky stuff that made my eyeballs bleed). It was more delicate than I deserved and I was, and am, in awe.
(6. Hair - still too long, still too curly.)
February 2003
1 year ago, I was 32 and:
1. Was still working at S*PL, more often thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?" Really questioning my devotion to a career that I haven't been educated for, when there are two for which I have but to which I'm not devoted. Questioning working my ass off for far too little pay, even though I love what I do and I'm really, really good at it. Arguing with myself about working for someone (a person and an organization) who/that values me and my experience, expertise, and education so little.
2. Had begun attending the NI-LS Online Data Entry Committee meetings. Realized that there was a whole world of Cat'ing out there of which I'd been unaware. Realized that that wasn't an entirely bad thing (both the world and the previous lack of awareness). Desperately wished I was younger, smarter and more hip so I could actually spend time with J#n!ca in a non-work fashion. Began to model myself after Gail....
3. Was driving the first new car I've ever had, a 2002 Honda Civic LX. Black and cute. Not as nice as T's silver EX, but cute anyway. And new - until the psycho Xerox lady dinged it.
4. Was working in earnest on my thesis. Planned to graduate in December.
5. Wore my hair below shoulder length, a bit less curly. More of a strong wave. And lighter brown to blonde.
August 2003
6 months ago, I:
1. Blah blah, S*PL, blah blah. I talk, write, and think about work too much.
2. Was trying to convince T that staying at Dominican University and finishing her MLS was a good idea. She stuck it out, but wasn't overly happy about it.
3. Went to Ikea for the first time. I hate Ikea. T, Lori and I went shortly after my birthday (27 Aug.), with the intention of buying out Ikea and Woodfield Mall. Nothing worse than having the intention of spending a ton of money and buying a lot of stuff. We took T's dad's SUV and could've fit everything into my old Horizon hatchback! But it was a good day and I have many good memories. (Cheesecake Factory's waiter and his charming personality, for instance. And the Amazing Fortune Telling Fish.)
4. Turned 33 years old. I think each person has a "maximum age", one that they never really imagined themselves above. For me it was 27. My "golden birthday" is the 27th, of course. Female readers are probably nodding. Male readers (are there any?) are probably scratching their privates and belching. No, seriously, they're probably saying, "What's a golden birthday again, and why should I care?" 27 on the 27th. Golden. So I expected to get tons of gifts of gold jewelry when I turned 27. And that it would be very meaningful. And that my life would be perfect. And I would be a grown-up. Ha. So turning 33 was just five years past that, which is like 5 years past dead. Have I ever mentioned that I'm a little bit cynical?
5. Had urged Lori to go a little shorter and a lot lighter on my hair. I was firmly blonde and now shoulder-length. And the curl was pretty well gone.
February 2004
Yesterday, I was 33 and:
1. Nearly died in a fiery crash next to an unloaded semi on Cherrie Valley Road on my way to an Online Cat'ing Meeting at N-ILS HQ.
2. Was "misplaced" in the Roscoe, Ill. area briefly on my way home from said meeting. Not lost - I knew where I was; I just didn't want to be there at that time.
3. Spent a great deal of time thinking about faith and belief. Wondering if I am worthy of the good things that happen to me. Questioning my place in the Big Picture. Honestly, wanting more than I've got right now (in some ways). Ruminated on the nature of cute guys at meetings and the flirting therewith. Had George and Aretha running through my head most of the day.
4. Wiled away the afternoon at the processing desk. Vista-foiling paperbacks. Must fill position before go insane !
5. Wrote in my blog that James R. smelled like pee, and was amazed that neither the Cat nor J#n!ca asked about it later.
(6. Wore my hair in the current style. Blondeish boblet.)
February 2004
Today, I:
1. Am 33. Am cold. Wore sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt to work because I knew I'd be getting dirty. Withdrew about 150 - maybe 200 - items from the collection, pulled cards, stamped, cut, boxed. Processed. Punched ICodes like a monkey. Teased the new tech guy from LMA Techwork - Sleek - about the juvenile DVDs being porn. "Barbie in The Nutcracker." "Adventures of Tom Thumb." "Black Stallion." "Harriet the Spy." When you think about it, those titles could be....
2. Went out for lunch with T. Didn't want to go back to work, as always when I'm with her. The urge to just call a halt to "real life" is strong. Wanted to just be with her, bask in her grace. This is going to sound pathetic, but it's like I'm warmer when I'm around her. Edges are softened and sounds are more muted. Having good friends makes everything better. BLTs with no tomato and no mayo help, too.
3. Got an interesting twist on the processing clerk issue. It's going to take some serious spin and lots of help from various supporting players, but if it works it'll save my ass and that of the lib., and it'll be really good for the person who'll do the job, too. Main problems: one big red ego and one bitter mermit-crab.
4. Had a migraine that prevented me from opening my eyes all the way, for most of the day. I wonder what I look like to other people when that happens. Do I look like I'm trying to be James Dean? Do I look like I'm trying to be sneaky? Do I look hung-over? Lazy? In pain? Stupid? If anyone would care to share, feel free. One Excedrin Migraine, a bottle of Coke, and a half-hour nap (with cats) after work cured it. For today.
5. Decided to change my hair-style. Cannot look like those two. I'm thinking that maybe some spiral curls are in order.
February 2004
Tomorrow, I:
1. Work from 8:30-5:00. OK, maybe 9-5:30. Or 9:15-5:45. DOA (depending on arrival). Coll Dev meeting at 11:00. That should be ugly and painful.
2. Need to do all the work stuff I haven't even addressed this week:
a) 2 review journals
b) cat. donations (3+ shelves full)
c) weeding - pull a cart of 917-ish area books for perusal and possible withdrawal
d) music CDs - none of ours are in O*CLC records. Why not? Damned if I know. But I have to move the records sometime.
e) ICodes
f) retolds. Don't ask.
g) process - a cart full of paperbacks. So much Vista-foil!
h) withdrawals
i) Westerns - more OCL*Cizing
Huh. And that's just if nothing "comes up".
3. Have to eat the lunch I packed today but didn't eat because T took me to the Coffee Gourmet. PB&J, carrots, apple.
4. Have to work on thesis revision at lunch, rather than reading for pleasure as I'd prefer.
5. Should work on the taxes. Boo.
Man, this was depressing. I feel old. Am I that old? Or just so tired? Perhaps just that tired of what I'm doing.
4. Heard from my friend Meg that the Lib. at which I now work might be looking for someone to work in Tech Services soon, because R. was planning to leave for greener pastures. "Hmm," I thought, "perhaps I can work there temporarily, while I study for the bar exam."
5. Wore my hair in Julia Roberts-Pretty Woman spiral curls, but dressed down considerably by my jeans with holes in the knees.
February 2002
2 years ago, I was 31 and:
1. Was living in a condo the size of a bathroom stall while looking for a house to buy, and was damned sick of the entire process. Had looked at 21 dwellings of various levels of quality before finding "the one".
2. Still worked at that "temporary" job (although I hadn't really mentioned it being temporary when I accepted it) of Head of Tech Svcs at the Lib. at which I now work
3. Had periodically picked up and set down my thesis (and revised chapter one so many times that it should've been the Great American Chapter by then), to the point that I'd finally filed for an extension so that I wouldn't lose credit for the classes I'd taken at EMU. Progress....
4. Was in physical therapy because my neurologist had finally determined that the muscles in my neck were causing some of the migraines that I was having (up to 4 days a week).
5. Had made a real friend, not so long before, that I was tentatively learning how to treasure. We had been acquaintances first, at work, and then sort of friends in a way that I'm not sure either of us really remember. And then there's a flurry of memories, for me anyway, capped off with her standing next to my desk saying, "I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but I'm leaving my husband. I just had to tell you." It was a burden and a gift at once: the burden of handling a difficult situation correctly, of course, and the gift of being the one to be trusted. It was unlike the stereotypical friendships from before (backstabbing shit from high school where we surruptitiously kissed each others' boyfriends just 'cause we could get away with it, or vague college meaningless drinking amiability, or law school back-scratching networky stuff that made my eyeballs bleed). It was more delicate than I deserved and I was, and am, in awe.
(6. Hair - still too long, still too curly.)
February 2003
1 year ago, I was 32 and:
1. Was still working at S*PL, more often thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?" Really questioning my devotion to a career that I haven't been educated for, when there are two for which I have but to which I'm not devoted. Questioning working my ass off for far too little pay, even though I love what I do and I'm really, really good at it. Arguing with myself about working for someone (a person and an organization) who/that values me and my experience, expertise, and education so little.
2. Had begun attending the NI-LS Online Data Entry Committee meetings. Realized that there was a whole world of Cat'ing out there of which I'd been unaware. Realized that that wasn't an entirely bad thing (both the world and the previous lack of awareness). Desperately wished I was younger, smarter and more hip so I could actually spend time with J#n!ca in a non-work fashion. Began to model myself after Gail....
3. Was driving the first new car I've ever had, a 2002 Honda Civic LX. Black and cute. Not as nice as T's silver EX, but cute anyway. And new - until the psycho Xerox lady dinged it.
4. Was working in earnest on my thesis. Planned to graduate in December.
5. Wore my hair below shoulder length, a bit less curly. More of a strong wave. And lighter brown to blonde.
August 2003
6 months ago, I:
1. Blah blah, S*PL, blah blah. I talk, write, and think about work too much.
2. Was trying to convince T that staying at Dominican University and finishing her MLS was a good idea. She stuck it out, but wasn't overly happy about it.
3. Went to Ikea for the first time. I hate Ikea. T, Lori and I went shortly after my birthday (27 Aug.), with the intention of buying out Ikea and Woodfield Mall. Nothing worse than having the intention of spending a ton of money and buying a lot of stuff. We took T's dad's SUV and could've fit everything into my old Horizon hatchback! But it was a good day and I have many good memories. (Cheesecake Factory's waiter and his charming personality, for instance. And the Amazing Fortune Telling Fish.)
4. Turned 33 years old. I think each person has a "maximum age", one that they never really imagined themselves above. For me it was 27. My "golden birthday" is the 27th, of course. Female readers are probably nodding. Male readers (are there any?) are probably scratching their privates and belching. No, seriously, they're probably saying, "What's a golden birthday again, and why should I care?" 27 on the 27th. Golden. So I expected to get tons of gifts of gold jewelry when I turned 27. And that it would be very meaningful. And that my life would be perfect. And I would be a grown-up. Ha. So turning 33 was just five years past that, which is like 5 years past dead. Have I ever mentioned that I'm a little bit cynical?
5. Had urged Lori to go a little shorter and a lot lighter on my hair. I was firmly blonde and now shoulder-length. And the curl was pretty well gone.
February 2004
Yesterday, I was 33 and:
1. Nearly died in a fiery crash next to an unloaded semi on Cherrie Valley Road on my way to an Online Cat'ing Meeting at N-ILS HQ.
2. Was "misplaced" in the Roscoe, Ill. area briefly on my way home from said meeting. Not lost - I knew where I was; I just didn't want to be there at that time.
3. Spent a great deal of time thinking about faith and belief. Wondering if I am worthy of the good things that happen to me. Questioning my place in the Big Picture. Honestly, wanting more than I've got right now (in some ways). Ruminated on the nature of cute guys at meetings and the flirting therewith. Had George and Aretha running through my head most of the day.
4. Wiled away the afternoon at the processing desk. Vista-foiling paperbacks. Must fill position before go insane !
5. Wrote in my blog that James R. smelled like pee, and was amazed that neither the Cat nor J#n!ca asked about it later.
(6. Wore my hair in the current style. Blondeish boblet.)
February 2004
Today, I:
1. Am 33. Am cold. Wore sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt to work because I knew I'd be getting dirty. Withdrew about 150 - maybe 200 - items from the collection, pulled cards, stamped, cut, boxed. Processed. Punched ICodes like a monkey. Teased the new tech guy from LMA Techwork - Sleek - about the juvenile DVDs being porn. "Barbie in The Nutcracker." "Adventures of Tom Thumb." "Black Stallion." "Harriet the Spy." When you think about it, those titles could be....
2. Went out for lunch with T. Didn't want to go back to work, as always when I'm with her. The urge to just call a halt to "real life" is strong. Wanted to just be with her, bask in her grace. This is going to sound pathetic, but it's like I'm warmer when I'm around her. Edges are softened and sounds are more muted. Having good friends makes everything better. BLTs with no tomato and no mayo help, too.
3. Got an interesting twist on the processing clerk issue. It's going to take some serious spin and lots of help from various supporting players, but if it works it'll save my ass and that of the lib., and it'll be really good for the person who'll do the job, too. Main problems: one big red ego and one bitter mermit-crab.
4. Had a migraine that prevented me from opening my eyes all the way, for most of the day. I wonder what I look like to other people when that happens. Do I look like I'm trying to be James Dean? Do I look like I'm trying to be sneaky? Do I look hung-over? Lazy? In pain? Stupid? If anyone would care to share, feel free. One Excedrin Migraine, a bottle of Coke, and a half-hour nap (with cats) after work cured it. For today.
5. Decided to change my hair-style. Cannot look like those two. I'm thinking that maybe some spiral curls are in order.
February 2004
Tomorrow, I:
1. Work from 8:30-5:00. OK, maybe 9-5:30. Or 9:15-5:45. DOA (depending on arrival). Coll Dev meeting at 11:00. That should be ugly and painful.
2. Need to do all the work stuff I haven't even addressed this week:
a) 2 review journals
b) cat. donations (3+ shelves full)
c) weeding - pull a cart of 917-ish area books for perusal and possible withdrawal
d) music CDs - none of ours are in O*CLC records. Why not? Damned if I know. But I have to move the records sometime.
e) ICodes
f) retolds. Don't ask.
g) process - a cart full of paperbacks. So much Vista-foil!
h) withdrawals
i) Westerns - more OCL*Cizing
Huh. And that's just if nothing "comes up".
3. Have to eat the lunch I packed today but didn't eat because T took me to the Coffee Gourmet. PB&J, carrots, apple.
4. Have to work on thesis revision at lunch, rather than reading for pleasure as I'd prefer.
5. Should work on the taxes. Boo.
Man, this was depressing. I feel old. Am I that old? Or just so tired? Perhaps just that tired of what I'm doing.
