It played in the car on my way to work, again while I drove to the vet's office to buy catfood and to Target to pick up a prescription at lunch, a third time on the way to an appointment, and finally as I made my way through the annoying, nearly suburb-like traffic toward home.
I've previously waxed melancholic on the merits of Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit.
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
'Cause I'm fuckin' up your program
And if you're stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!
...I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance
'Cause right now I'm dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers that want to step up
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw...)
And more recently, I quoted a bit from Control by Puddle of Mudd.
You can't control me
I need to feel you
so why's there even you and me?
I love the way you rake my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
Cause I'm that guy you'll never find)
Today's repeat was Last Resort by Papa Roach.
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck
If I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
...I never realized
I was spread too thin
Til it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry feeding on chaos and living in sin
Why bring this up? It's because I had the volume absolutely cranked, and I was singing (to the extent that one "sings" this sort of thing), and I was sort of seat-dancing (but not in a Mingles kind of way, which anyone from my hometown will understand is not a good thing). Anytime I pulled up next to someone I got the look of revulsion--or the look of, "Hmm, aren't you the interesting character?", depending on the age and gender of the person looking. I'm sure that my plaid linen J.Crew shirt and Oakleys had something to do with the incongruousness of the picture. (The PB&J hovering near my mouth during the lunchtime segment of this probably made for a strange overall look, too.) So I was singing, see. That's the key to this. I was singing:
"Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker", and
"I think you know all of the rules
there's no expressions on your face
I'm hope that some day you will let me go
Release me from my dirty cage", and
"Suffocation, no breathingand I realized, I sound like a complete idiot when I swear. I mean, totally foolish. It's more or less bad depending on what I'm saying, the absolute low point being "motherfucker," which out of my mouth sounds entirely absurd. Some people have it and some people don't, and I so clearly don't. Friends, it was a watershed moment for me. Don't expect miracles within days, and don't expect any diminution of the execrable language in my writing, because if that's the only way it's coming out, it'll probably increase. But if I sound as irredeemably stupid to anyone else as I did to myself today, I can only thank you for your patience while I figured out this one for myself.
Don't give a fuck
If I cut my arm bleeding"...
Peace.
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