Time for a declaration: I am not over him. Tired of hearing about it? Don't fucking listen. Tired of wondering if I'll be here tomorrow? You try and forget about something that's right in front of your face, and see how easy it is. I've loved him for a long time. We've been friends for 3 years. We had been together, dating, whatever, for 2 1/2. Why am I forced to apologize, over and over, for my lack of ability to "get over it"? It's a lot to get over! I am not over it. Get it? Not. Over. It. And, hey, it's not happening anytime soon. I don't care if it ever does. I am missing something that contributed very directly to my happiness. Should I pretend that I'm happy without it? Should I go find somebody to fuck, to take my mind off it? Seems fair to the other guy. Seems like a good idea, just in case something goes awry with birth control/disease prevention. Seems like maybe I'd be fucking with my own head more than anything else--my heart is with him, not beating in my chest now. There is no "not thinking about this." There is no "avoiding" this. There is no way my brain is going to be anywhere but on this. So don't even try to stop me, distract me, cajole me, convince me, pacify me, or anything else. I'll cry, I'll smack the shit out of you, I'll run over your toes as I drive away. The only person I care about right now? It's not you. And it's not me.
Get it? I appreciate the sentiment, but I cannot take it. Not now. So just stop it.
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