taxonomies

For your amusement (but not for my own) I will try to explain the various creatures that have slithered from the online dating pool.

• The first was an anomoly, unfortunately, in that he was Way Too Nice. His name is the same as J.R.'s spouse, though he more frequently goes by the "a" part than the "d" part. He came to my attention through a message that he sent before I'd even returned from the trip to the next state over. In his message, he asked if the photo that I'd posted was taken near 'the X bar' on 'the X river'. And he was, in fact, correct. How he managed to guess that (or, actually, how he knew that from such a tiny little photograph) is beyond me. Well, no, it's not: he knew because he'd been there, too, that same day, and it just looked that familiar. I should have known, though, that a guy who recognized a scudgy river in the background of a picture would not really be capable of seeing me. We sent email through OkC for a while, and then through gmail (which is a big deal for me--I don't give that address to just anyone). He was going to be in my former state for work around the same time that I was there, so we made vague plans to meet for real....
  And then it was finally time to tell him that I am divorced. I had waited to tell him, unsure of when was too soon and when would seem like I'd waited too long. I didn't want to rush it; it's not one of my "three words that describe myself", after all, but I'm really not hiding it, either. So I told him.
  Apart from one "Gosh, work is just so busy" message, I haven't heard from him since.
  Good riddance.
• The second one was "the older E." Obviously, I didn't know he was older until the younger arrived, but that remains to be told. For the sake of continuity, he was the only E at that point. (His name is the same as my lifelong friend who's married to my friend with my own name, though this one adds another letter at the end.) A grad of the local university, he seemed funny and smart--and very young--and unbelievably freakin' hot. I mean, blow-your-mind gorgeous. Unreal, out of my league, not even really my type but Oh My God I could look at that for days fucking beautiful.
  Can you sense that this is not going to go well?
  He contacted me first. That seems particularly important to tell. He, a 25-y-o, irrationally handsome, charming guy, made the first move.
  He was Date #1.
  Before the date - I'll give him this much - he admitted that 'some aspects of his profile were not strictly accurate.' These included such items as his age, his relationship status, his answers to questions (and so his friend/match/enemy ratios), and his picture. Yup. He posted a photograph that was not himself. Well, either that or he initially contacted me through someone else's profile. Does it matter? I don't know.
  He eventually sent an actual picture of himself (yes. Really.) by email. (Yes, gmail.) He also created a profile that was more accurate. Totally accurate? Who knows. He's now 27. His job is basically what he'd originally said, only not exactly for the sort of company that he'd originally implied. And we're definitely not as close a "match" as it had seemed before.
  Yeah. So? He is still him, the guy that I'd talked to (IM'd with, whatever) in the first place. That is who I liked - not even the guy in the initial photograph, who was so good looking that I wouldn't have been able to speak in his presence. His penchant for reluctant, eventual honesty? Like I'm not sort of accustomed to that already?
  We made a date. And then we made another date, sooner than the first, because it seemed like too long to wait. And that sooner date was this one. It was terrifying, exhilarating, and lovely - and it ended all too soon. The next date (the originally scheduled one) was legitimately cancelled. The third one I called off, due to some safety concerns. The fourth one was mutually cancelled (though I was pisssed) because of a medical 'emergency'. The fifth was not possible due to scheduling conflicts. The sixth...? Remains to be seen. This guy is smart, irritating, frustrating, very attractive (in an elusive sort of way), obviously hiding something, quick and witty, and hugely appealing. In other words, he'd be great, if.
• The next guy I met (J) was a very sarcastic, cynical, gregarious, outgoing businessman. His name happens to be the same as Sleek's, though the two are obviously not very much alike. J made the first move, sending a message that took a highly comedic approach to analyzing my profile. It was charming and inventive, and it led to a lively conversation that went on for some time. We seemed to be a pretty decent match, intellectually and socially. Again, he is clearly more outgoing than I am, but that is to be expected, and I am not repulsed by it. We seemed to have a decent chance of creating something good, if only a friendship. When our frequent emails through OkC began straining the 10,000-character limit per message, we moved to regular email. (Yes, gmail. I was not yet cynical...enough.) We traded several messages that way. It was fun, and it seemed to be getting more in-depth and serious, though 'serious' in an 'I want to meet you for real' sense, not in an 'I want to commit' sense. J commented repeatedly on how much he enjoyed reading what I wrote. It was mutual. In fact, he responded to one message briefly, saying that he didn't have time to write as much as he'd like but that he just wanted to say, "I think I'm in love!" (I referred to it in part 4 of number 4 of this post.)
  Well. OK. That's interesting....
  Even more interesting is the fact that he never wrote again. Well, that's not fair: he wrote, but only in reply to my, "Um, hello?" message about a week later, and his message basically said, "I've been really busy at work." In other words, a barely-bothering-to-reply brush-off.
  We haven't written since.
  The irritating part? He has started stalking my profile again, within the past week or so. Annoying.
• Sigh. Along came "the young E", who rendered "the other E" "the older E". Because this E is definitely young. He sent a "woo", which is the OkC equivalent of an eyebrow-wriggle across the bar; it's inherently complimentary, but still pointless because it leaves all the work to the wriggle-ee. I looked at his profile and thought he was amazingly good looking, though, so I replied with more than the usual, "Um, thanks." We wrote emails for a while, and then moved on to the IM world - on Yahoo. (Yes, I'm learning!)
  Did I mention that he's a college student? And a former rugby player?
  And that he's 22?
  I know. It's just so wrong. But just too fun. And funny: the last time I dated a 22-y-o rugby player, I was 18. Wait: did I say "dated"?
  Yup. We went out. It was silly and fun and pointless, and I could do that again....
  The problem? He's so young. I feel guilty half the time, and the other half of the time he's just a fucking flake.

This could go on forever, so I'll break up this one post into probably three or four. The remaining group:

• the bothersome one, Midwest US version
• those known collectively as "the losers" (RVD & K.O. & the waffle)
• the poor unfortunate (B)
• the married guy
• the oldest E
• the other, dirty married guy
• the other, other married guy
• the bothersome one, Canadian version
• the Nice Guy, ver. II

A daunting prospect.