people who do not understand themselves have a craving for understanding

Some things that I have learned:

• guys are dumb, but I am pretty often way worse
• lending money to someone you know is the worst idea ever. Either give it, or don't.
• no, borrowing money (privately) is the worst idea ever. Both parties can claim it's not going to be a problem, but it will be. It always is. As soon as something green goes from point A to point B--with intent to return--something's been irretrievably fucked.
• there is almost no substitute for good sex.
• good sex is not, on its own, a substitute for much. Think those last two are logically incompatible? They're not. Really.
• I owe a lot to Toby--who would, apart from these things, be almost completely forgettable
  • it's a lie when people say, "Exercise makes you feel good." I've been doing it faithfully for 3 months, and I can honestly say that I hate it, the whole time, every time. What is good, though, is having lost 15 pounds, feeling remotely healthier, and being on track to being healthier, both short- and long-term.
  • it's easier to keep my apartment tidy, or at least within the range of "I can get it clean within a half hour or so", when I'm seeing someone who's got issues about neatness.
  • I don't want to be with somebody who drinks too much. How much is too much? If you don't know, I will be able to tell you.
  • it would take an act of God for me to be interested in an older guy that I didn't know really well.
  • I miss Popeye sooooooo much.
• all that being said, I suppose I owe a lot to Ulysses, at least for introducing Toby & me. What a thing to have to think, but it's still true.
• I've loved him for a lot longer than I thought I'd know him.
• keeping work and non-work separate is incredibly vital to my peace of mind. When I'm mentally lazy, I tend to let the lines cross, to bring work home and to start thinking of work as home and to diminish the value of the separation. The separation is absolutely key. See why I didn't want to practice? I could never leave it at the office.
• some things, when you have to ask for them, aren't worth what they would be otherwise. These include:
  • raises,
  • hugs (and other expressions of that sort) from friends, and
  • anything in a restaurant that was ordered to come with the meal but arrived later.
• any man who spontaneously (and, need I add, correctly) uses the word "gratuitous" in a Facebook post is automatically +2 for life.
• when you say, "but I didn't get you anything!" in response to a gift, that does not convey, "This is great! Thank you!" It conveys, "Aww, fuck. Now I'm beholden. I wish you had not done this." If that's what you mean, go right ahead and say it. (In other words, the way that you accept a gift matters to the person who gave it.) If what you want is to be off the hook for future gifts, you need to remove yourself from the current hook.
• in any relationship, one person can't always be the one who asks (to do things, to meet for coffee, to hang out...). That person starts to feel unworthy, or like they're stalking, or, worst of all, like they've wasted all effort that's come before in the friendship. If there's no give-and-take, the only natural reaction is to feel like only one of you cares anymore.
• it sucks to really like someone (personally) with whom one has to "be the bad guy" in a professional sense. There is a natural, I think, tendency, then, to avoid the personal aspects of relationships, in order to make the professional side of things that much easier. It's only the personal that really matters.

• ranting is no substitute for careful thought and communication. A large portion of what goes on in the name of political commentary is no more than ranting. I am not a political scientist, but I did spend a portion of my scholarly training reading their work and learning their trade; what many "experts"--and a loud minority of my friends--put out there is no more astute analysis or useful commentary than a dog makes. It's embarrassing.
• this weekend's sport events are causing some major issues for a lot of people I know. It's pretty sad. It's not that I don't care who wins; rather surprisingly, I have a horse in this race, too. But there's no convincing someone to change their allegiance, if it's strongly felt. And if it's not strongly felt, it's not much of an allegiance anyway, so why would you want it for your own team? And in the end, What Does It Matter? What it comes down to is which colored uniforms the guys are wearing who make you smile (or whatever) when you're sitting like a zombie in front of the TV. Is that what your self-esteem rides on? *ouch*
• deep-cleaning the apartment takes more than a half-hour. That's what Sundays are for. If I get started now, I can watch the games in relative peace....

[title quotation by Wilhelm Stekel]