I just wanted to be sure of you

• Which state do you consider to be the most boring state?
  in general? Iowa. (Sorry, Connie!) To drive through? Ohio, by far!
• If any chef from the Food Network could cater your wedding, who would it be?
  Masaharu Morimoto
• What's the last thing you ate that was red?
  ketchup on a hotdog. Yes, I'm from the very upper midwest.
• Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
  nah, it's notoriously quiet
• Have you ever lost a best friend after a fight?
  probably not. The "best friends" that I've "lost" have mostly slithered shamefully away—or shamelessly, prehaps.
• Have you ever washed an iPod or MP3 player in the washing machine?
  um, no
• Have you ever screamed/yelled angrily at a teacher?
  not face-to-face
• Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
  yes. It is not conducive to positive dreams.
• Have you ever regretted being in a relationship with someone?
  yes. See, e.g., the "best friend" question, above.
• Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn't?
  there was this one time? In law school?
• Have you ever thought someone must have been insane?
  lately?
• Have you ever pretended to be older than what you are?
  sure. Mostly recently was probably to scare off a wildly inappropriate "love interest". Ahem.
• Have you ever cried because you were turned down?
  I think there were some angry tears on the Kennedy
• Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
  yep
• Have you ever pretended to like someone when you didn't?
  yes. That is a very ill-advised course of action.
• Have you ever stolen money from one of your parents?
  no
• When did you last see a movie in theaters?
  long enough ago that it doesn't matter
• When was the last time you kissed someone on the lips?
  3 weeks-ish?
• When was the last time you baked/cooked something?
  Tuesday
• When was the last time you danced like a crazy person?
  probably in the car on the way to the home state, around the time that the road construction guys in the opposite ditch waved to me, presumably because my music was so loud. Oops.
• When was the last time you just wanted to be invisible?
  at work
• When was the last time you got a gift you absolutely hated?
  how long is it since I was married? My former M-in-law was the empress of terrible gifts
• When was the last time you got into a physical fight?
  I slapped a guy a couple of years ago. Wish I could go back and do it about 20 times harder. And 20 times more.
• When was the last time you had to sleep with a nightlight?
  I slept with a light on the first couple of nights in the new place, so that if I walked in the night I wouldn't fall down the stairs. And pretty much every night that I was in the Rat Hole, in part so that if anyone broke in I'd have a slightly better chance of either defending myself or escaping before they did whatever they were there to do.
• When was the last time you were under some serious stress?
  you mean, besides the Rat Hole situation? Work has not been pleasant lately. I really, really needed a vacation.
• When was the last time you watched your favorite movie?
  I'm due for a screening of the favorites
• When was the last time you downloaded a song?
  earlier this summer, I did a mix project commissioned by a friend, for another friend. Although I had a portion of the raw materials already, I acquired the rest to complete the project. I have to admit, it wasn't my typical iTunes order...
• What would you say is your favorite hobby?
  mixing CDs, reading, writing
• What is your favorite thing to do when you hang out with friends?
  drink. Should I apologize for that? I'm not really sorry. I also play pool with some, watch movies with some, eat pizza with some (though I'm looking for a new local place because an old favorite—not Chuck's place—wasn't that good, last week).
• What would you rather do: shower or bath?
  a really good shower is a rare treasure
• What is your absolute favorite dessert?
  vanilla bean ice cream with fresh raspberries. Or peach pie. Or cakey espresso brownies with fudge frosting. Or...
• What can someone do to make you smile, no matter what?
  I can't say. It brought tears to my eyes to think about it. Anyway, to give it away cheapens it, doesn't it?
• What do the majority of people think of you?
  that the inside is just like the outside. Trust me, the inside is way darker and twistier than the outside will ever look, even with double-digit tattoos and six piercings (so far). Not only that, but I'm generally fairly kind and quiet upon first meeting.
• What was the last gift you bought someone for an occasion?
  that would probably be a gift card for a graduation. Or a combination of gift cards, a very carefully mixed CD, and a sausage-and-ketchup card, all individually wrapped, for a wedding.
• What is/was your favorite class in school?
  in undergrad, Historical Attitudes Toward Death. In law school, Evidence. And in grad school, History of the Reformation.
• What is the color if your cell phone, if you have one?
  gunmetal-ish, I suppose?
• What would you say was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
  so far, I'm leaning toward a two-hour argument with Brian from Mad-town about our allegedly potential incompatibility, or prehaps The Kiss That Wasn't.
• Would you ever donate money to charity?
  I have.
• Would you ever think about doing porn?
    snort
• Would you ever dump the person you're with for someone cuter?
  depends how cute the person I was with, was.
  No, really—that's ridiculous.
• Would you ever disown one of your relatives?
  would. Have, I suppose. I don't know. It's not like you have to put a label on the box you put it in. You can just put it in a box and file it away.
• Would you ever cheat on someone if they cheated on you?
  it would be more to the point to follow Homer's edict, from The Odyssey, where "his secret parts they drew out, for the dogs to eat raw".
• Would you ever consider becoming a teacher?
  That does not fall within the realm of my possible life outcomes.
• Would you ever give a hitchhiker a ride somewhere?
  only if I knew him/her prior to that time, and absolutely trusted them already
• Would you ever try fasting for a whole week?
  hell, no
• Would you ever try to quit one of your addictions?
  have done. Unpleasant. I'm happy with the addictions I have at the moment, thanks.
• Would you ever dye your hair purple?
  nope. Anything in the red realm doesn't suit me.
• Would you ever try being with a member of the same sex?
  some of my best friends are female.
• Would you ever kill yourself to save someone else?
  the possible logical utility to be obtained by killing myself—by which I take to mean actively committing suicide, not "throwing myself on the grenade" or something of that sort—is microscopic. The best I could really hope for is to decrease another person's potential unhappiness by ceasing to be, and that is extraordinarily speculative. There would be a much higher payoff in "poisoning their well" with antidepressants, or moving out of their vicinity.
  So, no.
• Would you ever spend $100 for the best tasting hamburger in the world?
  I'm not that fond of hamburgers. I might pay that much for the best ... never mind.
• Would you ever consider becoming a nun?
  nope. I'm neither Catholic nor convinced that celibacy is reasonable.
• Would you rather break up with someone or have them dump you?
  oh, yes, please! [Stupid question, stupid question, stupid question.] So what you're asking is, would I rather be a bitch or a doormat? I'll take "...door number three."
• Would you rather chew gum off the ground or kill a squirrel?
  gum off the ground, presuming that it's in a wrapper in an unopened pack, and I saw it fall off the gum truck. Because I can't see even taking an imaginary innocent creature's life for the sake of conjecture.
• Would you rather eat chocolate or fruity candies?
  chocolate
• Would you rather listen to one CD forever or become deaf?
  I'll take the CD, as long as it's got extraordinarily high capacity and can be periodically turned off
• Would you rather be deaf or blind?
  no
• Would you rather have a turtle or a frog for a pet?
  frog, so long as it's the hallucinogenic variety. Ribbit!
• Would you rather dye your hair green or blue?
  blue
• Would you rather move schools [or] become home-schooled?
  I'll move schools, thanks. Homeschooling is not something I should talk about in an open forum.
• Would you rather text or talk on the phone?
  depends. Probably text.
• Would you rather spend a day with Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus?
  LG, please. Miley makes me want to punch myself in the eye.
• Would you rather learn to play piano or guitar?
  piano. Just thinking about playing the guitar makes my hands hurt.
• Would you rather have a stomach-ache or headache?
  stomach. My head hurts way too much and too often.
• Would you rather be overly interesting or overly dull?
  I regretfully admit that I'd rather be too interesting, since it's a condition with which I'm being accustomed.
• Would you rather be too loud or too quiet?
  too quiet. I am ninja! Hear me...not at all.
• Do you remember the first time you ever went into the ocean?
  yes - Cocoa Beach, spring break, sophomore year.
• What Asian country would you like to visit the most? Why?
  South Korea, because I'm a glutton for odd punishment. Japan is also fascinating to me.
• Have you ever thought that a passerby was the one?
  only in a more metaphorical sense
• Ever told someone that your fake jewelery was really real?
  I don't think so?
• Who has the worst public restrooms?
  PJs Courthouse Pub
• What did you use gel pens for?
  writing on checks - they can't be "washed"
• On what pages of the yearbook are you on?
  band, yearbook, and various candids
• What country music star should be honored in the Hall of Fame?
  Patsy Cline. I don't know whether she is already—probably yes—but if not, she ought to be. A terrific voice and lots of soul.
• Would you eat cat food for $500?
  no. Cat food is one of the worst things in the universe. Add several zeros and we'll talk again.
• Who is the last person you smelled?
  you wouldn't know him
• Do you like going to the dentist?
  it's not so bad. Only happens twice per year and it serves a purpose.
• Have you ever smelled a dairy farm?
  uh, yeah. Need I remind you where I grew up?
• Name a song that got overplayed really fast:
  I don't listen to the radio, so I don't hear what's overplayed unless I'm to blame
• Have you ever had an ultrasound?
  sure
• Do you shop at Payless?
  ironically, I was there earlier today—for the first time in years
• What Friends character are you most like?
  I'm a little bit like all of them but not a lot like any of them—except for Phoebe, who I could never take seriously as anything but a cartoon
• When's the last time you had a popsicle?
  years. Food on a stick doesn't appeal.

[from The Cat--who was annoyed by this one, and who got it from here; title quotation by A.A. Milne]