your blood, your fire, your kiss goodnight--your words, your touch, they might be mine

June 12: Ruritarian
For a couple of months I lived in a fantasy world where puppies and kitties hold hands and swing dance in the moonlight. It was a Ruritarian world, and I had no idea how illusory it was until it ended and I crashed back to Earth.

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1. When you're home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom? second floor (which faces a window), yes. First floor (land-locked), no.
2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone? depends on the "someone"
3. It's your best friend's birthday; would you buy them a gift even though they didn't buy you one for yours? of course! Stupid question.
4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time? Why? it depends how it pays out. If it pays more one way, I'll take it that way. There really is a limit to how much I can spend, so it won't matter whether I get it all at once or not.
5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? most of the time - like, all the time, unless I'm on the interstate by myself - I probably play my music unreasonably low
6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person? beach
7. When do you brush your teeth? when. they. need. it.
8. Can you watch scary movies alone? I live alone. If I couldn't do things like watch scary movies, or kill bugs, or fix cabinet doors, by myself, I'd be in a world of hurt.
9. Soft bed or firm? And in fantasy land, who's in it with you? Firm-ish. And nobody really wants to peer too closely into my fantasy world. It's kind of hazy and the music's somewhat disturbing for everyday use.
10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about? HA! I would definitely rather stay home all day, except under very few specific circumstances
11. What's one of your worst memories (that you are comfortable sharing)? God only knows why I'm thinking of this now, but several years ago, my spouse (at the time) and I were headed to the large city to the north (at the time) to attend the wedding of my college roommate. He was driving and I was attempting to navigate. He didn't take some part of my directions and got lost, which led to getting stuck in the middle of a large construction zone, which led to us missing the wedding by more than an hour. By that time, we were both so furious with each other that it wouldn't have been a good idea to be social, so once we were clear on where we were, we turned around and headed back home. It was one of our few really big fights, and it was pretty awful.
12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational? it totally depends on the situation. There are people in my life that I will never, ever confront, and there are people from whom I will never back down. Some personalities bring out the snarky in me. Others bring out the peace sign-waving love bunny. As I get older, though, I'm more confrontational than not. Life's too short to spend it with others' footprints on my face.
13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people or a few close friends? I'm most likely to be alone or with a close friend
14. What are your plans for October? October? I'm surprised to have set plans for later in the week!
15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live? I really have no idea. This is a philosophical problem for me.
16. What is your ideal profession? something that involves doing very little and earning a great deal. I've yet to work out that exact combination in my regular life, however.
17. Are you (or were you) close to your Mom and Dad? yes
18. What is one fear that you can't seem to overcome? heights. I think it's biological.
19. Are you good at math? I thought that said "meth", and I've got no reason to think that I'm either good or bad at that. Math, on the other hand, is meh.
20. What's next on your movies-to-see list? Rear Window. How have I gone this long without seeing it?
21. Has there ever been anyone that now you regret meeting? Nick. All things considered, I wish I'd never seen his handsome little face.
22. What's the last film you saw? Would you recommend it? It was a western called Hannah's Law. I saw it, no lie, at least five times this weekend (in parts). No clue why it was so fascinating to me, but I couldn't have peeled my eyes away if I'd had to. I think it was good, but I really have no idea if my taste counts for anything in this matter.
23. Would you rather have roommates or live alone? see Ruritanian, above.
24. Do you like any of your friends a little more than just a friend? I don't even like my friends as friends. One I like as an ATM. Another I like as an occasional source of food. Still another is just a comedian. ...
25. Post a rather current song that you'd like us to hear.
    
    It's not "current", but nothing else that I like is, either. It's called "All Roads Lead Home" and it's by a band called Golden State.
26. If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
    I would immediately become VERY Catholic, because they'd have every reason to believe I was the second coming of the Holy Mother
27. Do you give money to homeless people when they ask?
    this is probably going to sound more snotty than I mean it to, but homeless people don't generally ask people like me for money
28. A weekend in Las Vegas or Miami? Why?
    Miami, baby! Because it's my spiritual home. Because it's amazingly beautiful. Because I want some Cuban food NOW! Because I would go back there in a heartbeat....
29. What was your reaction to the president supporting gay marriage?
    I vacillate between "it's about damned time that a politician would open his/her flap and tell that truth" and "why should anyone still have to actually say those words? Why are people still so interested in what other people do with their relationships? Why can't equal ever really be understood to mean EQUAL?"
30. You are totally alone on a Saturday. What do you do? live my life. Welcome to my regular world!
31. You have 3 months left to live, what is your bucket list? I hate that phrase. Seriously, it's among the top ten word combinations that I would very happily never see again. It's right up there with "douche bag" as an insult and "orientate" as, I don't even know what the hell that's supposed to be. A verb? Ugh.
    Anyway. Three months to live. I guess I'd shred the fuck out of the paper in my apartment, delete nearly everything on my hard drives, make a lot of phone calls, divert some funds, and tell a lot of people exactly what I think and/or feel about them. Maybe I should do that all anyway...
32. You're having a bad day, what one thing can make your day better? not trying to make it better, Susie Sunshine. (I really can't abide people who can't just accept a bad day on its own terms.)
33. Ever use a tanning bed? uh, yeah. (And a very small handful of people know why I'm laughing my ass off right now.)
34. Is there anything you would change about your body if you could? yes
35. You wake up in an unfamiliar place, what is your first reaction? figure out where I am, of course
36. Is there anything that you should be doing right now? showering, or sleeping. Maybe making the bed first. Something other than this, for sure.
37. At what age do you think that sex becomes less important? Why? I literally do not understand this question.
38. What is your favorite breakfast food? there are almost no breakfast foods that I do not love. Eggs are not my favorite but I will eat them now and then. Toast, English muffins, bagels, biscuits, pancakes, waffles, crepes, donuts, cold cereal, oatmeal, snausage, ham, bacon of course...yum!
39. Your phone rings at 4am, who do you expect it to be? I really don't. For a long time—I mean, for years after—I would have expected it to be Johnnie. It was as if my brain was still hard-wired to know it was him after a certain time of night had passed. That was hard. I mean, it was hard to give that up, to grow out of it or whatever. To break the scar tissue and re-learn not knowing.
    I suppose that I would assume it was something wrong (which is a change from the above, obviously?) and that it was someone with whom I work or someone in my family, or else a very good friend. 4:AM is not the time for casual. Either that or it would be someone for whom I'd written one of my very ill-considered "get out of jail free" cards while under the influence. (Though they're not nearly so ill-considered as the "all-access pass" that I once gave. But that's not a story for this venue.)

[from the classic location, originally from here; the title quotation is from "All Roads Lead Home"]