It's been a while since I've met anyone worthy of, or requiring, a blog-safe sobriquet; that's either a positive change or a sign that my life's losing power.
Once every year, my workplace holds a meeting that cannot be missed. No excuses are allowed--no exceptions. No leave requests will be granted for that one day out of the entire year. Typically, the meeting takes place in April. This year, it was scheduled for today.
Today also happened to be when the funeral of my best friend's mother took place. I did not spend today where I wanted to be, where I thought I belonged, and where I felt I was actually needed. Instead, I was where I had been told to be, where I "should be", and where my presence really didn't make any difference. I felt like a sellout, like a bad friend.
I'm not writing about this because I want anyone to tell me that I didn't have a choice, or that she will understand. I didn't want to put her in the position of needing to understand, you know? It's another thing she shouldn't have had to do today. I bring it up because, maybe I did have a choice, at least in the longer-term sense. It's a sort of reminder to me, to make better choices. To keep myself out of positions like this, where the people with whom I spend my working days won't give me the leeway to be with my friends—my chosen family—on a day like today. I know, it's one day out of the year; is that too much for them to ask?
Well, were they in my shoes, or my friend's, then: yeah, I should think they'd maybe realize that sometimes it is.
[best.word.ever.]
One of my favorite books (Anthony Bourdain's Bone in the Throat)
has a very nice plotline involving a lamster.
I've another name to add to my "I'll never date a guy who's called ___" list. That I should never come (romantically) near anyone whose parents favored 'Brian' has been well-documented. I think it's safe to add my former spouse's name to that list (which I clearly should have done from the start—I mean, once he and I were no longer). And as of today, another name (Greg) is added to the list of those free from any future threat arising from entanglement with me. It's just...doomed.
The Mumbler could have a real future in the culinary world, if he wanted one; his knife skills show dexterity and celerity rivaling some celebrities.
I seriously considered abandoning my health/exercise program after an off-the-cuff conversation with my doctor (at a totally unrelated and minor appointment). After we'd settled the topic at hand, he asked (as he always does) how everything else is going. I responded, "I'm working out like a demon but I'm not losing weight!" He looked more closely at my chart, then looked me in the eye and said, "Hmm. Yep, that starts to happen [around your age]."
I could have cried. I mean, literally, I just slumped back in my chair, deflated. I've been working my ass off for two months, I've lost 5 lb., and this is IT?! It was enormously defeating. It didn't help that it was 120° in the shade and I'd been over-hot for days. It also didn't help that I had one of the last appointments of the day and so had waited more than a half hour beyond my scheduled appointment time before I was even taken into an exam room. As I was leaving, I was basically choosing between a hot fudge custard milkshake and a big icy glass of booze for dinner.
However, a conversation with The Cat changed all that. (Yay, Cat!) She reminded me that when an essentially sedentary person begins to exercise, especially strenuously (and, trust me: this is some strenuous fucking exercise), there is a period of time during which weight is not lost, because as fat is decreasing, muscle is increasing...which requires calories to occur. I know these things for certain: I'm eating better than I did before I started (i.e. making better choices); I'm eating less, overall; I look a LOT better, both in terms of being leaner (some of my clothes fit better) and appearing less tired; and I feel better.
So, yeah, it's true. I haven't lost that much weight. But I also didn't stop at Ollie's after seeing my doctor, and I didn't come home and drink my dinner. I had some leftover garlic chicken (extra spicy, extra rice) and a carton of vanilla Greek yogurt with raspberries, and later I did my regular workout. We'll see who wins this war, Dr. T.!
The change in her attitude was palpable--she kind of liked me, once she actually looked me in the eye as a peer.
The last couple of weeks have been utterly wackadoodle at work, and this one will be different, but no closer to normal. The business-end of things is closed until Friday, though I was there today for the meeting, and will be working basically as normal tomorrow and Thursday. Wednesday is a mandatory paid holiday. Friday is going to seem really weird. It's also likely to seem rather hellish, since ALL of the week's mail and UPS and FedEx deliveries will arrive at virtually the same time. I hope I have my decks cleared by then....
At the end of the month, I will get to spend time with my favorite cousin, who's always treated me in a more avuncular than peer fashion, given the wide span in our ages.
It's looking like I may cancel my cable account. The price increased 28% over the past month with no increase in service. I use my TV mostly as a monitor for DVDs, so the primary value of the television subscription is to make the Internet subscription cheaper. The Internet, I use very heavily, but not to the point that I can't live without it. I can't afford to pay exorbitant rates that have to actual value, and I would rather go without. I will obviously give some immediate warning if this is going into effect, but I thought I should let y'all know what's up the pike.
[the title quotation is by James Madison]
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