confidence - taken in / by a suntan and a grin

1. Who do you never want to end up like? A woman that I know of whose relationship is disintegrating. Both she and her significant other are trapped in a defeating pattern, through their own choices and each others'. It's awful to watch and seems incredibly painful to experience. I wouldn't want anything to do with that life.
2. How many oxymorons can you think of? if you know what to look for, they're everywhere
3. How many years old is your diary? I've been blogging for 13.5 years
4. How could today get any worse? today was a good day. It rained almost non-stop, and was quite cool. But I spent the day with the college bff and her daughter, tromping through "craft barns" and picking up caramel apple supplies, celebrating autumn.
5. What will you never ever do again? I would like to think that I can simply decide to never do a thing again, like to "always follow my heart" or "never give up an opportunity to make more money" or "given the choice, always choose Cheetos." But it's seldom that easy, right? Nor that obvious. The lines are not drawn clearly, and the choices not so simple.
6. What's the most terrible lie someone could tell you? I've probably heard it already - maybe even more than once
7. Would you ever wear vinyl pants? ugh, no
8. What was the last thing that you printed out? a mailing label for a package that I sent this morning
9. What would you say to Flavor Flav if you saw him walking down the street? I wouldn't recognize him if he walked up and bit me
10. What are you dependent on? caffeine, a couple of prescription drugs, hand lotion, and the help of my friends
11. What do you look forward to each day? more sleep
12. Did you take lessons as a kid? If so, at what? only in school, when I learned to play an instrument
13. What's the best song to listen to after a break up? depends on the breakup. Some are sad, some are angry, some are bewildering. Some need a slow and weepy song, some need a fast and loud song. There is no one 'best song' for any occasion.
14. The radio is playing Poison, INXS, the Psychedelic Furs, Dio, and Matchbox 20 on different stations. What do you listen to? probably Matchbox 20, possibly INXS
15. Do you know what it's like to take care of someone else? yes; I am an adult
16. Would you rather take care of someone or be taken care of? being "taken care of" was part of why my marriage ended. However, a lack of care can be just as bad, depending on the circumstances. What I'm saying is, in any relationship--whether in romance or family or friendship--there is a give and take of care. One party cares more than the other, provides a greater degree of care to the other and to the relationship than the other does or can or is willing to provide. When it shifts back and forth over time, it's healthy and supportive. When it's always one giving more and the other taking more, then it's not a partnership, but a parasite and host. Who could want that?
17. What is the worst 80's song in your opinion? eh, there are a few that I wouldn't want to hear overmuch
18. What song makes you so happy that just want to dance and dance and DANCE? for some unknown reason, George Michael has always had that reaction in me. Some of his stuff has a really visceral reaction within me.
19. God, does it even matter if you think you "can't dance?" well, I'm not really prone to dancing around a lot of people, but under the right circumstances and the right people, it's very natural
20. What has been your most beautiful magical memorable cloud nine manic ecstatic incredibly happy bouncy air-light moment of this life??? there are a few of them. The last one happened in April.
21. According to Depeche Mode, "Everything counts in large amounts." According to the Crow, "Nothing is trivial." Do you believe this is true? I see these as opposites--? The DM point is more easy for me to understand, that the importance of a thing increases with its frequency or weight.
22. Are you enjoying this thrilling luscious roller coaster ride of a life as much as I am? it has its moments. Being around for the amazing ones makes the less-than-terrific much easier to bear.
23. Do you know how improbable it is that life exists at all? yep
24. Are you kind to strangers? prehaps more so than to some people I only merely like
25. Do you go out of your way for other people? some, yes
26. Make a promise: I will clean off the coffee table this week Will you keep it? probably
27. What do you think of the author of this survey? she's terrible with math, but tenacious
28. What makes something "literature"? Also, what makes something "art?" there are probably some objective qualifications, but in my mind it's pretty subjective. "Literature" encompasses all of fiction, really---even the crap. And "art" is whatever anyone thinks it is. Parents have been displaying that on their refrigerator doors forever.
29. Why are you even doing this survey? Doesn't it tell you something that you have nothing better to do than fill out a 5,000 question survey? I'm looking at this as an opportunity to explore areas of my brain and my world that might not get covered in any other way. Anything can be a source for writing, or therapy.
30. Has answering these questions been a learning experience for you (writing them certainly has been for me)? I've really got to start reading ahead.
31. Have you ever been so happy you could cry? yep
32. Do you know that the one you love is the one you will spend the rest of your life with?? want to, maybe. Will? That's another story entirely, and one that can only be written in real time.

[From the 5000-question meme; this is the second third of the nineteenth part. The title quotation is from "Everything Counts" by Depeche Mode]