you got the right to be bitch-slapped

1. How many smurfs can you name? two
2. Do you keep track of your life using a planner or calendar book? nope, just the calendar in my phone - and even that is pretty sporadic
3. Would you be lost without it? not really
4. Have you ever fully eradicated a bad habit that you had? yes.
5. Where do snowflakes come from? the sky
6. What do these Latin phrases mean:
   et tu Brute: "and you, Brutus?"
7. Cogito ergo sum: "I think, therefore I am"
8. You're writing a story.
   The super hot (guy or girl?): Brian
   is about to kiss (who): Laura
   Just then they get interrupted by (what): a tractor
   and somebody screams, (what): "run!"
   but it is too late. Fortunately (who): Amy
   walks by and does something (what): shoves them out of the way
   and they all live (how): strangely
   ever after.
9. The radio is playing U2, The Defects, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Pointer Sisters, Staubkind, and Dr. Dre. on different stations. Which band are you most likely to listen to? Echo & the Bunnymen
10. What is the difference between madness and brilliance? the line between brilliance and madness can be very, very narrow and sometimes hard to read
11. Write any random sentence here: Steelers lead 19-0 at the half. Say the sentence you wrote out loud. Did anybody answer? nope
12. Turn on your TV if it's not on already, what channel is it? no TV. So sad.
13. If you were to hit redial on your phone right now, who would it call? the pizza place
14. Hit edit paste on your browser and paste the last thing you copied here: it was coding for this post, nothing fun
15. Miracle on 34th Street--original or remake? I've never seen it
16. Have you ever been in a parade? many, many times
17. Why don't people just walk up to each other and become friends? can't speak for anyone else, but I'm no glutton for punishment. I like to know what I'm getting into before I become friends with someone.
18. Do you turn the bass up all the way in your car (or would you if you had a car) and blast the music? ugh, never
19. Do you care if what you do annoys others? of course
20. What keeps you from being happy? myself, circumstances, expectation
21. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself five years ago what would you say to yourself (You can only stay in the past for FIVE MINUTES so make it COUNT!)? "The shit that's making you sad doesn't matter at all, and you know it. Let it go. Because what keeps you happy means everything, and it's fleeting, so don't waste another moment on anything less."
22. Can you talk for one hour without using the word 'like'? there are prompts in this meme for which emoji are the only appropriate response
23. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? where appropriate, it's not unwelcome
24. Say something nice about:
    yourself: I am creative
25. me: some of these questions are not juvenile or ridiculous
26. your dad: he's wise and innovative
27. your mom: she's thoughtful and tenacious
28. the one you love: he's smart, charming, and unfathomable
29. What is your favorite movie that Denzel Washington has been in? Training Day
30. What websites are addictive to you? I'm not really into websites that way anymore. My phone is always with me, but I'm not obsessively online.
31. Who do you love so much that you would clean live maggots out of their garbage pail just so that they didn't have to? ugh
32. Who do you think will read all 5,000 of your answers to this survey? probably no one
33. Out of everyone reading your diary, how many people know your first name? ...all of them?
34. When you die and your tragic story is a human interest spot on the news will you want your friends and family to say you were the greatest smartest and kindest person ever...or tell the truth? tell the truth
35. Have you filled out an organ donor card? yes - long enough ago that it was an actual card that was signed, and it was witnessed by my mom and my husband

[From the 5000-question meme; this is the first third of the nineteenth part. The title quotation is from Training Day]