sometimes you just wanna press Send, thinking If this is what ends it all, so I am

Of all the forms of being--
I like a table
And
I like a lake.
The excitement of an upandcoming
Mistake:
Do not send word to your lover
If you cannot decide which one.
Involvement, like war, is a form
Of divination. Think
About what you said--or didn't--
That's why it hurts to swallow.
My first words in French?
Cruche, olivier, fenêtre.
Et, peut-être,
Pilier, tour.
Yeah, for a while they were "involved"--
Then they "delved" into
"Abjure."
Uncertainty more exciting than sex!
We could do serious, but
My lover was NO FUN.

O creamy cloud, indecision, I love you. I love you. I love you.
So badly. So slowly,
I want to enter you
From behind.
O ignorant protagonist
The lineaments of my face--
We had an interval,
A ludicrous,
"Us," the most fleeting
Of all.
I was
A tachiste, a revenant;
He a revanchist,
Yeah, what felt at what saw.
Listen: the next time you cry it won't be
At a train station
In France--you died at that scene--
To leave is to leave
Well enough.
I am so--
Not lonely.
Worn and dark was my...
Bright blue my...
Sometimes you just wanna press Send, thinking
If this is what ends it all, so I am.
I will send you Glück's purple bathing suit--
even if it kills us.
That's how I tell the story--"We were involved for a while--long was
Our distance--and, mostly--wrong--finally
I sent him Louise Glück's 'Purple Bathing Suit'--
Never to hear from him again."
The train schedule was an étude.
Was I no longer eager
To study my lover?
In my lap Coleridge's constancy to an ideal object.
In the end:
A newly cleared
Table.
And, if cleanly forgotten, a little lost
Lake.

[Olena Kalytiak Davis {1963- } 'It is to Have or Nothing', from The Best American Poetry 2014]