Beyond the lists themselves, the most fascinating part of this activity for me has been the results of soliciting others' opinions and input. It can be difficult to ask for help, particularly when it involves identifying negative or difficult parts of one's personality or worldview. The results certainly were mixed. Some people obviously put a lot of consideration into responding. Others did not participate.
What follows are the two lists - which will make this an unusually lengthy post! I am going to intersperse them to make it less whiny and overwhelming. All the "low" stuff will be in a sans serif font and orange, and the "Flourish" in the regular font and purple. The items on each list are not in any particular order. Please recall that it is a work in progress, and a personal, psychological exercise in attempt to sort out my own inner puzzles. This is not about anyone, except for me.
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Not being trusted
- Being "the last to know"
- Inattention (i.e. talking during meetings)
- Bureaucracy - excessive levels of management, meetings for the sake of meetings, forms to justify more forms
- Finding out something important from someone else
- Feeling inconsequential
- Coming in last
- Inability to grasp something that others find easy
- Misogyny
- Pollen
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Attention
- Recognition of accomplishment (not constant praise but real praise, earned)
- Long, hard hugs
- Flowers
- Bunnies
- Tea
- Cards. Notes. Real mail. Out of the blue.
- Independence
- Art (seeing, hearing, experiencing, making)
- Laughing
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Feeling foolish/pathetic/pitied
- Micromanagement
- Favoritism
- Entitlement
- Telephone calls & voicemail, at work and in certain circumstances otherwise
- Unclear direction/vision/planning (it is OK to not know how to make something occur, but not OK to be clueless when you expect someone else to accomplish it)
- Arrogance as opposed to assertiveness, when there's no backing it up
- Domineering (v. leading)
- Nitpicking
- Financial instability
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Photography
- Feeling healthy
- Feeling strong
- Intellectual challenge
- Creativity in problem solving
- Room to grow, organically (not a rigidly structured "development plan")
- Silliness
- Unconditional - even occasionally irrational - support
- Lots of good sleep
- New books
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Emotional groping (back the F off)
- Someone else risking me, without my OK
- Minimizing contributions or accomplishments
- Meanness toward children or animals
- Insults as a substitute for humor
- The Silent Treatment
- Forced "morale"
- Using words lightly or carelessly
- Feeling ashamed for choices or actions
- Toenail polish that is too thin
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Encouragement
- Being the mutual focus of someone's interest for a time (e.g. lunch, outing) - a.k.a. no phones
- New shoes
- New music (new to me, not necessarily new in the universe)
- Solitude
- Kisses
- Self-reflection
- Poetry
- Houseplants
- Making lists
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Waiting for answers (trying to be patient)
- Vacation-shaming
- Grapefruit
- Dusting
- Nightmares
- Being patronized (why bother? don't bother!)
- Having no willpower or ambition re: health/spending/career change
- Hidden puddles of mayonnaise in sandwiches
- Using jealousy as a weapon
- Slivers or splinters
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Dark red lipstick
- Text message or IM volleys that go quickly back & forth. Repartee.
- A clear conscience - even if it is relative
- Christmas trees (multiple)
- Understanding, appreciating and encouraging unique perspective and contribution
- Intuition
- Kindness
- Ability to give and receive compliments
- Working through scenarios and possibilities
- Window-shopping & not (always) buying
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Elephants in the room
- Stubbornly driving in circles because I refuse to check directions
- Wasting time feeling intimidated
- Being stifled
- IT's canned answers
- Dry bread
- People who borrow but do not return
- Unsalted or stale popcorn
- Obligations: having them, or feeling like one
- Wind-chimes
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Quiet
- Movies
- Thoughtful conversation with good friends (i.e. deep conversations which may actually be about nothing at all)
- Adventures
- Meat
- Faithfulness
- Faith
- Psychological inquiry (e.g. "who am I?" tests - and this sort of thing!)
- Affection
- Casual dress - but opportunity to dress way up, too
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Fruit with chocolate
- Not being believed when I'm telling the truth
- Problems with no solution
- Rubik's cubes and that sort of thing
- Technology that is needlessly complex
- Sequins in daytime
- Flakiness (in people) (in pastry it's great)
- Dogs off-leash
- Blog lurking
- Rare hamburgers
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Integrity & followthrough
- Time off
- Cleverness, quick wit
- Warmth
- Financial security
- Taking my own risks, at my own doing
- Empathy
- Variety
- Curiosity
- Watching golf
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Books or movies that give away the ending too easily
- Warm lemonade
- Sticky children
- Not having a phone charger when you need one
- Buying something you already own because you're in a pinch (like a phone charger)
- Missing a deadline by a stupidly short time
- Inexplicably sickly houseplants
- Waking in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep
- Celery in every canned soup ever
- Headaches
WHAT MAKES ME FLOURISH
- Dedication
- Whimsy
- Loyalty
- Good pens, jewelry & shoes (i.e. not skimping all the time)
- Feeling known - sharing intimate details and being remembered
- Blog comments
- Cold water on a hot day
- Riding in a car with someone who drives well
- Freshly washed sheets
- Starting a new journal
WHAT MAKES ME LOW
- Beetles
- Just missing a great photo
- Feeling powerless to help when someone needs it
- Dog drool
- Sour cream
- Big birds that pick on littler birds
- Paper cuts
- Emails to set up conference calls or meetings that could have been accomplished in an email
- Losing one earring from a good pair
- Overuse of stock phrases until they become cartoonish ("I'll run it up the flagpole...")
- Hearing the words "I missed you"
- Bubble baths (...)
- Good surprises
- Cats that purr
- Reciprocated fervency
- Hard rain, especially at night
- Board games
- Sharing an ice cream spoon
- Hearing "this song reminds me of you"
- Compassion
- Generosity without need for recognition
- Holding hands
- Making out at the movies
- Waking without an alarm
- A really good nap
- Hummingbirds
- Spontaneity
[the title quotation is by Mark Manson, from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck]
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