who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle - II

2020 in review

1. When did I experience the most joy?  I have been blessed; there have been pockets of pure joy throughout my life. Recently, a friend from my teens and I became reacquainted. That was an unexpected, profound, amazing experience. 
2. When did I experience the most depression?  in the spring
3. When was I angry, frustrated, or stressed?  anytime I spoke to, or about, most people involved with my work
4. 
   When was I at peace, satisfied, or content?  on vacation
5. When did my emotions fluctuate the most, and when were they most consistent?  fluctuating the most: January-March. Most consistent: June-September
6. When did I feel the most alert and energetic?  summertime!
7. When did I feel the most tired, or in discomfort or pain?  the first third of the year
8. Which activities contributed to or degraded physical health?  negative: work, depression, selling my bike.  positive: reuniting with my doctor, walking as much as possible, drinking lots of water.
9. What habits or interests did I enjoy or were most beneficial? 
   
   I ate a lot of bananas, watched some fantastic movies, wrote some great stuff, and started to retrain my photo eye
10. What habits or interests were not enjoyable or not beneficial?  I spent too much time with dark poetry, recriminations, and ice cream
11. What is something I’ve thought about doing, but never pursued?  going back to school, getting "the migraine piercing," and traveling outside the country
12. Which relationships have been the most fulfilling?  getting closer with my brother again has been cool. My #hashtag game friend is a source of insight, laughs, and something ineffable and necessary. And of course D. 
13. Which relationships have been the most draining?  workworkwork
14. When did I feel most connected in relationships?  summer was a blessing in every way
15. 
    What projects or tasks am I most proud of?  decorating (I've hung some photographs that look terrific); cleaning (designating a third, maybe more, of my wardrobe for donation); and writing
16. In what areas did I fail or perform below expectations?  my windows remain unwashed, and I have not yet found a loveseat or futon that meets my exacting specifications for the basement
17. Was I satisfied with the level of work, challenge, opportunity, responsibility and reward of my current position?  No. My job is sometimes frightening, often insulting, and almost always dull. And my boss believes that I am "solidly average."
18. Did what I do have a sense of meaning or purpose?  like, my job? God, no. My job involves, for the most part, catering to idiots and assholes. I gain no purpose from that, there is no 'deeper meaning.' All that this job could ever be is a job. 
19. Overall, what areas did I grow the most in?  standing up for myself and what I need, asking for help when I need it, and interestingly learning to be alone in more a healthy, productive, mature way
20. Overall, what areas could I improve the most in?  letting shit go. Not jumping to conclusions. Not taking things personally. Eating more veggies.

[from here; the title quotation is by Lewis Carroll, from Alice in Wonderland]