12.13.2020

there was a time

This foot’s giving me nothing 
but trouble. The ball, 
the arch, the ankle—I’m saying 
it hurts to walk. But 
mainly it’s these toes 
I worry about. Those 
“terminal digits” as they’re 
otherwise called. How true! 
For them no more delight 
in going headfirst 
into a hot bath, or 
a cashmere sock Cashmere socks, 
no socks, slippers, shoes, Ace 
bandage—it’s all one and the same 
to these dumb toes. 
They even looked zonked out 
and depressed, as if 
somebody’d pumped them full 
of Thorazine. They hunch there 
stunned and mute—drab, lifeless 
things. What in hell is going on? 
What kind of toes are these 
that nothing matters any longer? 
Are these really my 
toes? Have they forgotten 
the old days, what it was like 
being alive then? Always first 
on line, first onto the dance floor 
when the music started. 
First to kick up their heels. 
Look at them. No, don’t. 
You don’t want to see them, 
those slugs. It’s only with pain 
and difficulty they can recall 
the other times, the good times. 
Maybe what they really want 
is to sever all connection 
with the old life, start over, 
go underground, live alone 
in a retirement manor 
somewhere in the Yakima Valley. 
But there was a time 
they used to strain 
with anticipation 
simply 
curl with pleasure 
at the least provocation, 
the smallest thing. 
The feel of a silk dress 
against the fingers, say. 
A becoming voice, a touch 
behind the neck, even 
a passing glance. Any of it! 
The sound of hooks being 
unfastened, stays coming 
undone, garments letting go 
onto a cool, hardwood floor. 

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