7.03.2021

all I follow is my own desire

Oh this Diet Coke is really good, 
though come to think of it it tastes 
like nothing plus the idea of chocolate, 
or an acquaintance of chocolate 
speaking fondly of certain times 
it and chocolate had spoken of nothing, 
or nothing remembering a field 
in which it once ate the most wondrous 
sandwich of ham and rustic chambered cheese 
yet still wished for a piece of chocolate 
before the lone walk back through 
the corn then the darkening forest 
to the disappointing village and its super 
creepy bed and breakfast. With secret despair 
I returned to the city. Something 
seemed to be waiting for me. 
Maybe the “chosen guide” Wordsworth 
wrote he would even were it “nothing 
better than a wandering cloud” 
have followed which of course to me 
and everyone sounds amazing. 
All I follow is my own desire, 
sometimes to feel, sometimes to be 
at least a little more than intermittently 
at ease with being loved. I am never 
at ease. Not with hours I can read or walk 
and look at the brightly colored 
houses filled with lives, not with night 
when I lie on my back and listen, 
not with the hallway, definitely 
not with baseball, definitely 
not with time. Poor Coleridge, son 
of a Vicar and a lake, he could not feel 
the energy. No present joy, no cheerful 
confidence, just love of friends and the wind 
taking his arrow away. Come to the edge 
the edge beckoned softly. Take 
this cup full of darkness and stay as long 
as you want and maybe a little longer. 
 

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