7.30.2021

if I fight to give it away, I fight with all my heart

"Happy hour” in harsh winter. 
You hunch, tense, at your desk. 
 
Lights off in the outer office, the terminal glow 
parodies the blue light of a diner 
 
reduced to a blue plate, like the leftover 
dish still in the sink at 2 a.m. 
 
I don’t care if it’s light or dark, 
I can’t wait. 
 
I want to start saying your name; I’m buttoned up, 
pinned up, wound up, just to make you 
 
work hard at the work at hand, and not 
fast enough to stop me, either, 
 
God, from grabbing at our clothes; too much is hidden. 
If I fight to give it away, I fight 
 
with all my heart. 
Defeat is hard. I will betray you. 
 
And if you were at last to lie—human, flawed— 
next to me on this pillow, 
 
shoulders and arms relaxed in sleep, exposed, 
helpless, even—how could I endanger 
 
that easy breathing, how send these light fingers 
wandering down your belly under the covers? 
 
Who’s perfect? 
Merciless, I’d attack in an instant, 
 
why dream I’d let you rest? Wake up! This night 
is more than ours—I swear this night is mine. 
 

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