7.31.2021

we walked into the bar that night, lit like struck matches: untouchable

The world was cold as a meat locker, 
    streets ridged with hard-packed snow, 
the night Jason fell out the door 
    of Nate's beat-to-shit black pickup
and rolled like an armadillo, tucked
    in his brown bomber jacket. In the theater

of my held breath, I heard bones break,
    saw his head strike the ground at just
the right angle. I glimpsed the years
    he'd be confined in bed, hours spent
looking at his body from the air above,
    but he sprang to his feet unfazed and

goddamn if we did't laugh as he struck
    a weightlifter's pose. We walked
into the bar that night, lit like struck matches:
    untouchable. But as the layer of years
peeled back Jason found himself in bed
    anyway, immured in the muted light

of burgundy curtains. Legs that once powered
    a hi-hat and bass drum had withered
to birch saplings beneath a yellow blanket.
    Machines whirred while nurses worked
through rotating shifts. Though he grew
    to despise ALS, he got his revenge

by vowing to live longer than most.
    Some days I think he must dream of flying
out of his body, like a snowbird, invisible
    in the air over a cold field of white.
Up there: no hourly change of the feeding tube
    or purled spittle sucked from lips; no

nurse rubs an arm or leg. His arms grow
    heavy with wings, a small price for the sky.
On days when even light seems freighted
    with loss, I think of the choice he made
when it meant life or death: his hours daily met
    with the measured hish of intake.
 
[Steve Mueske, 'The Art of Measured Breathing', from A Mnemonic for Desire]

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