A couple of friends reminded me that I haven't been writing recently. There are reasons (which I might share later). For now, I'm easing back into it. In that direction, I picked up my Be a Bad Girl Journal, a gift from an old library friend. I had set it aside a while ago but something made me see it again today, when I really needed it.
It's a book about embracing your "bad." Not evil or harmful or irresponsible—more like the bad-meaning-good slang of urban youth. It is made up of prompts for writing, art, photography, and whatever else you're in the mood for. Much of it is silly (See: instant alias finder, with the typical Porn name, Dating Diva name, etc.) but the majority is pretty thoughtful and personally insightful.
The first day's prompt, and my response. ...
Being a bad girl isn't about breaking the law. It's about breaking the rules—and respecting yourself in the morning. It's about pushing back, pushing the envelope, and pushing yourself to new limits. It's about not being afraid to use your head, your heart, or your honey pot to get what you want.A bad girl is you at your uncensored best—whatever you are, whatever your style. Finding your badness requires nothing more than an easy attitude adjustment. ...Admit it. You want more satisfaction. Now get specific. What makes you feel alive? What makes you thrive? What gets your motor running? Write your immediate responses here (don't think ... just emote):
- [D]
- writing
- selling on eBay
- poetry
- photography
- plants - especially cacti and flowering
- secret kindnesses
- sunshine
- rain
- walking
- days off
- friends (within limits)
- family
- driving
- loving, and being loved by, a cat
- hugs
- knowing I'm treasured
- challenges, quests & research
More on all this badness soon.
Today is my personal best eBay day, in terms of the number of items sold. Two sales over Sunday night, and another five today. It didn't come close to my highest value day (I sold a NordicTrack last week!) but it really does feel good to get some things out the door. I wish I could do this as a job.
I'm sunburnt. Took a long walk in the suddenly smoke-free beauty that was Sunday. It morphed from just the big lake to both lakes, putting us out there for a couple hours and making 19,000 steps in the process. I was sore but not in agony afterward, and felt fine waking up today. That's serious progress.
One thing at which I am very good is letting the people I care about know what they mean to me.
This might be a bad thing.
I don’t mean that the feelings are bad; affection is never wasted. But the assurance … well, maybe it’s too much. It sets an imbalance. If you never have to question, or be concerned, or even wonder whether someone cares about you, it is easy to take that care – and that person – for granted. To stop working to earn it.
I’m not intending to withhold feelings, but I may stop making it so damned easy to overlook me.
[the title quotation is by Marcel Proust, from "Swann's Way : Swann in Love", in Remembrance of Things Past Vol. 2 {1913}]
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