1.29.2022

the nearness of them began only when they were missing

Many things I seem to have done backward 
as a child I wanted to be older 
now I am trying to remember why 
and what it was like to have to pretend 
day after day I saw places that I 
did not recognize until later on 
when nothing was left of them any more 
there were meetings and partings that passed me 
at the time like train windows with the days 
slipping across them and long afterward 
the moment and sense of them came to me 
burning there were faces I knew for years 
and the nearness of them began only 
when they were missing and there were seasons 
of anguish I recalled with affection 
joys lost unnoticed and searched for later 
with no sign to show where they had last been 
there with me and there was love which is thought 
to be a thing of youth and I found it 
I was sure that was what it was as I 
came to it again and again sometimes 
without knowing it sometimes insisting 
vainly upon the name but I came to 
the best of it last and though it may be 
shorter this way I am glad it is so 
it would have been too brief at any time 
and so much of what I had found early 
had been lost as I made my way to this 
which is what I was to know afterward 
 

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