3.18.2022

black words that make the sound of soundlessness

Everywhere she dies. Everywhere I go she dies. 
No sunrise, no city square, no lurking beautiful 
    mountain 
but has her death in it. 
The silence of her dying sounds through 
the carousel of language, it's a web 
on which laughter stitches itself. How can my hand 
clasp another's when between them 
is that thick death, that intolerable distance? 
 
She grieves for my grief. Dying, she tells me 
that bird dives from the sun, that fish 
leaps into it. No crocus is carved more gently 
than the way her dying 
shapes my mind. But I hear, too, 
the other words,
black words that make the sound 
of soundlessness, that name the nowhere 
she is continuously going into. 
Ever since she died 
she can't stop dying. She makes me 
her elegy. I am a walking masterpiece, 
a true fiction 
of the ugliness of death. 
I am her sad music. 
 

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