when I try to jerk off, I think of my ex, and have to stop

I wanted blue. I struggle with the shape of my new life. Trees here look like 

knives peeling back the sky. I work 43 hours a week and I’m not in love anymore. 

My new life suplexes me. Sometimes the bus is late. Sometimes the exits freeze 

over. When I try to jerk off, I think of my ex, and have to stop. Change is 

measured in hourly wage and solitude. Sometimes you probe the wound. I wanted 

blue. The CEO quotes Tom Cruise. Her children joke about cutting people’s pay. 

We all smile and laugh. I wanted a riverbed rest, blue and barren. Sometimes the 

rich sound like puppies. I wanted blue. I’m never alone, at work, but I am lonely. I 

wanted blue. Sometimes I thought I’d find it. 

 

[Avery Lake, 'Color Study: Fulltime', from Horrible Dance]