you loud-mouthed broad - get out of here!

Win some, lose some? When you watch this many movies, some are bound to be stinkers.

Crime of Passion (1956) - "Kathy leaves the newspaper business to marry homicide detective Bill but is frustrated by his lack of ambition and the banality of life in the suburbs. Her drive to advance Bill's career soon takes her down a dangerous path."

source: Tubi
I watched it because: Barbara Stanwyck is a favorite - a smart, sarcastic brunette. And, of course, Raymond Burr is impossible to resist.
IMDB: 6.4/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 80% Audience: 34%
my IMDB: 7/10

notable quote: "Lavender chiffon!"

MPAA rating: approved

directed by: Gerd Oswald

my notes: marvelously creepy, this is real noir. Stanwyck's character Kathy is realistically nutso, Sterling Hayden (Bill) is a charming dupe, and Burr's Tony Pope is bluff, genial, and skeezy. This is a good one!

overall:  recommended

Baby, It's Cold Outside (2004) - "A woman from the tropics meets and marries a man from northern Maine and moves there in winter."

source: Tubi
I watched it because: I was in hardcore Christmas-movie mode, and trying to see anything that had over 5 stars on IMDB.
IMDB: 6.5/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: N/A%
my IMDB: 1/10 🤶🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

notable quote: "'My name is Ylva...'

    'And I'm Inga...'

    'And what's your name?'

    'BEAR!'"

MPAA rating: NR

directed by: Polly Bennell

my notes: Trying to be Northern Exposure, and failing miserably. This is a terrible movie! The only good part - by which I mean "the only remotely interesting part" - is Antony the anteater.

overall: strongly not recommended

The Flight Before Christmas (2013) - "Two strangers who both happen to be in marketing, share a room at a bed-and-breakfast when a snowstorm strands their flight in Montana on Christmas Eve."

source: Tubi
I watched it because: early in the holiday season, my Skepticism Meter was skewing low
IMDB: 5.9/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: N/A% Audience: 47%
my IMDB: 3/10 🤶🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

notable quote: "The eyes—they never lie."

MPAA rating: TV-PG

directed by: Peter Sullivan

my notes: Totally unrealistic. And dumb. And insulting. And insultingly stupidly unrealistic.

Also, in terms of religion, mortifying simplistic.

Star Power: Mayim Bialik
overall: not  recommended

Berserk! (1967) - "A scheming circus owner finds her authority challenged when a vicious killer targets the show."
source: Tubi
I watched it because: my familiarity with Joan Crawford is limited, and I was looking for a palate-cleanser after a couple of nauseatingly dumb Christmas movies
IMDB: 5.3/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: N/A% Audience: 35%
my IMDB: 5/10

notable quote: "What are you trying to do, ruin my circus?"

MPAA rating: approved

directed by: Jim O'Connolly

my notes: Bruno (George Claydon) is the best character. This is a truly insane movie, terribly violent and realistically gory, and also kind of a drug-trip of the surreal. Not to mention, Joan Crawford in a leotard and tights...not so good.

overall:  recommended for campiness only

Shoelaces for Christmas (2018) - "After a disagreement with her father, teenager Jennifer inadvertently stumbles into a local homeless shelter late one evening. Will volunteering at the shelter teach her to be responsible and compassionate toward others?"

source: Tubi
I watched it because: I've seen the lead couple, Bailey Chase and Jennifer Morris, in a few other things.
IMDB: 6.4/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: N/A%
my IMDB: 6/10 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

MPAA rating: TV-PG

directed by: Craig Clyde

my notes: The parents created this monster, and then were surprised when it acted monstrously. However, the schmaltz level actually works, and I left it feeling content with my choice.

overall:  recommended for holiday movie marathons only

[the title quotation is from Berserk!]