splendor is fruit in all its succulence, fruit without sadness

1. How do you feel about public displays of affection?

    public displays of affection—even the sticky-sweet kind—are one thing, and public displays of attraction or lust are entirely another. Holding hands? Yay. Hugs, brief kisses? Sure thing. Anything 'more'? Nuh Uh. Nobody needs to see that in public; get a room.

 

2. What is a strong signal that a relationship is beyond repair?     

    seeking out opportunities to not be together. Not the kind of separation coming from wanting to be a healthy, independent person, but instead actively, specifically seeking to be apart from the relationship.

 

3. Is love a feeling or a choice? 

    love is, of course, a many-splendored thing. 

    Love is the word that describes the indescribable feeling. 

    Love is the word that shows the action, what one does when one is inspired by that feeling.

    Love is the word that explains the decision to persist.

 

4. What makes a relationship successful? 

    there is no satisfying answer to that question, because every relationship is different and its success relies on different factors. What I had with my first "real" boyfriend asked for one set of ingredients, my marriage something both more and distinct from that first one, and whatever I'm doing now would entail still another type of traits, factors, and inputs. 

     As to what I believe is successful, in general? Honesty with each other, including forthrightness of speech but never "brutal honesty". Commitment. Kindness and especial care.

 

5. Can love change a person? 

    absolutely, and I think that's part of the allure. When it starts, a relationship is essentially selfish—how does this person make me feel? What do they bring to my life that it was lacking before? What can I do now that I could not do before, without them? If we are lucky enough to have it grow, then it expands and transforms—how can I make this person's life better, bigger? How cool is it to see them doing and having and being what they need and want? How can my presence facilitate good things for them?

 

6. What was your first experience with romantic love? 

     first year of college, I fell in love with an older man. He felt the same about me. It was complicated, though, and some big things got in the way. It was different from anything I'd ever gone through before. That first time feeling that whole roller-coaster, though, and knowing (not just hoping) that he was with me was exciting and scary and very powerful.

 

7. What are your favorite ways to show love? 

     Quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation—see this post for the details.

 

8. What sacrifices have you made for love? 

     the big one was moving 500 miles from family and friends and the only home (-town) I'd ever known, when first married.

 

9. What role does forgiveness play in your relationship? 

     forgiveness can be hard when the person causing harm is oblivious or uncaring. Refusing to dwell on slights and small hurts, though, helps keep a relationship on good footing. Do what you can, and move on. 

 

[from here; the title quotation is by Clarice Lispector, from The Stream of Life]