some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again

11. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done, and how did it affect you? 

    I'm pretty sure that I don't even know the most embarrassing thing I've ever done. It was probably very obvious to another person/people, but it never even occurred to me. I've done plenty of things that were dumb, thoughtless, inconsiderate, or dangerous. I've acted first and thought later (if at all). 

    Of the mortifying things I know about, though... my attempt at kissing the animal-brained lawyer still takes the cake. It happened so long ago, and was witnessed by no one other than the two of us (at least, that I know of), but it still makes my cheeks burn just thinking about it. I misread those signs like I didn't even know the language.   

 

3. How has a romantic relationship changed you for the better? 

    every time I have a haircut appointment, I take a book with me. The salon's magazine selection doesn't suit my interests, and I don't like playing with my phone in that kind of situation. On the most recent visit, I forgot the book that had been picked out the night before, a product of rushing for an appointment first thing in the morning. My stylist directed me to the salon's leave one/take one bookshelf. The selection was way outside my typical reading zone, but, any port in a storm, right? I grabbed This Summer Will Be Different by Carley Fortune. It's a chick lit, beach read sort of novel, a 3cm trade paperback (for the librarians in the audience). In the chair, reading while unattended (i.e. processing), I managed to get through ~100 pages. 

    I felt a lightning bolt when I read this line:

After reading that, I had to close the book to think it over. Does life have a fairy tale? If it does, what is mine? The answer is surprisingly easy: it's 2:00 man (referenced here and in many other posts). That does not mean he's my soulmate, the love of my life, or The One that Got Away™️. It does, however, mean that our affection for each other has always been unreserved, that our connection was made early and is still strong despite the time in between, and that someday, somehow, it might all work out.

    My relationship with him—which is not, at this point, active—has changed my life for the better, for sure. Sharing that sort of bond with someone I trust has made me more confident, trusting, affectionate, and forthright. 

 

20. Tell about a desire you have, something deep within that you long to explore.

    I'm still longing to go back to school. If I had the disposable income, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I think I'm past the wish for a Ph.D. now (dissertation research, much less writing, is more daunting than intriguing) but the taking classes, reading, writing papers, and taking tests part of school still draws me. The funny, or pathetic, or scary part of it is that the subject studied (or degree earned) isn't as interesting as the education itself.

 

3. What’s something you’re working on, to become a better partner in your future relationships? 

    snort - "future relationships" Is it a surprise to anyone that I'm on the emotional Injured List?  

    If I were contemplating working on something with the goal of becoming a better partner, it would be (sigh) communication. Just thinking about that is incredibly exhausting, which I take as a sign in support of not dating. 

 

14. Beyond physical intimacy, what are some ways someone can show you love that will feel deeply meaningful and nurturing to your soul? 

    good grief - that's a lot to ask. Umm, how about a list of suggestions?

    •  share something they love, that reminds them of me

    •  hugs

    •  an unexpected note or card (not for a holiday or whatever, just out of the blue)

    •  listen quietly

    •  share confidences

    •  low-key meetings rather than events

    •  don't gossip to me (because then I won't worry they'll gossip about me)

 

4. Share a story of how someone unexpectedly showed you love or kindness. 

     when I was between jobs, my old friend who owns the local barbecue restaurant brought over a bunch of things "for me to try": chicken and brisket, sausage and ribs, various side dishes, and my favorite Red Beans and Rice. It was incredibly kind of him to do that, generous both financially and personally. There was enough food for several meals, which saved me at least one trip to the grocery store that I could barely afford. I will never forget it.

BWB ribs & brisket

 

2. What happens if you have a deep love and affection with the wrong person? 

    I'm pretty sure that's a logical impossibility. For one thing, deep love is never wasted. It might turn out to be a temporary, rather than lasting, affection, but duration ought not to be the determining factor in "quality" of happiness. 

    More generally, I think that something good comes out of almost every relationship, even those that end sadly or badly. You might learn about what you do or do not need, or what you will or will not do, or what you can or cannot take. You might pick up a new hobby or interest ... or you might have an experience that shall never be repeated if you can possibly avoid it. These are not all good, y'know? Some are really painful. Some are regrets. Some are ridiculous, embarrassing, or furious-making. 

    It's like life, eh? 

 

[from here and adapted; the title quotation is by C.S. Lewis, from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe]