how do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment

1 Who has been the most significant love in your life? 

     I cringe from positive superlatives, especially for nebulous ideas. It's impossible to quantitatively compare the significance of my first love, to that of my only spouse, to that of my most recent relationship, to that of the one that got away.

    Right now, my impression is that the most important loves of my life have been cats. Their affection and trust and loyalty cannot be found in the human world. Their ability to receive affection is unsurpassed. Their sturdy, warm presence is a balm. 

    If one contrasts that to anyone in my romantic history, it ought to be obvious why I prefer the 4-legged to the 2-legged version.  

 

2 How do you communicate your feelings in a relationship? 

    a series of eyebrow-raises that are a very evocative semaphore language 

 

3 What is the difference between infatuation and love? 

     it's the difference between liking a dish someone else brings to a potluck, and getting the recipe and learning to make it for yourself. 

    It's the difference between admiring someone's haircut and paying a stylist to give it to you.

    It's the difference between appreciating the view as you walk along the river, and jumping in.

 

4 Is love necessary for happiness? 

    I don't know, because I've never been without it. Maybe not in a romantic way, but I have always been loved, and always known it.  

 

5 How do you show appreciation in your relationships? 

    say the words, and back it up with choices like being present, being still and listening. Less often, I'll write it. Recent events have soured cards and letters for me. Maybe that desire will come back someday but for now it's a degree of vulnerability and futility that I really can't stomach.

 

6 How does love evolve over time? 

    that answer is as complicated as love itself, and has as many unique answers as there are unique loves in existence or memory.

    Good loves evolve by expanding. More experiences, more comfort and care and ease. More challenges and shared loss. More mutual acquaintances, friends, family, and animals with whom and about whom to grow and learn and be nurtured. More and better forgiveness and openness to difference. 

    The other kind of love devolves by reducing. Pinpoint accuracy in recalling past hurts. Focus on the negative, the difficult, and the pointless. More meanness, in both senses of the word (inconsideration, and stinginess). Smaller margin for error. Less acceptance of small mistakes or poor choices. 

 

7 Do you believe in soulmates? 

    I believe that there are people whose presence in one's life is meant to be. Beyond that, who knows.  

 

[from here; the title quotation is by Eckhart Tolle, from A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose]