is that a brown mustache or are you eating a mouse?

1. Do you have any habits or rituals at this time of year?
   I try to be in bed before midnight on Christmas night.
2. Polar bears seem to do well in the snow... How about you? Is snow just another thing you deal with when it shows up, or is it shutdown time? ...and if you're posting from a non-snowy locale, do you make trips to actually see snow? It's okay to admit it...
   I'm not a huge fan, but I deal with it when it shows up. I can usually count on one or two "snow-days" per year, where my place of work is closed thanks to the winter weather, so I can't really complain too much. When we get 15+ inches in a day, with gale-force winds, though, that's a different story.
3. Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
   most of my best toys were hand-me-downs. Tinkertoys and that sort of thing. I liked to build.
4. If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
   health care
5. Do you live close to your immediate family members? If not, how far away are they?
   the majority of my immediate family lives about 260 miles away.
6. My mom ordered a turkey dinner from a local market. It was o.k., but not very good. How was your turkey (or last holiday meal) this year?
   the last turkey that I had was for Thanksgiving, and it was awesome. Since I've been up north I've had ham and lasagna and Hawaiian pizza (which I loathe).
7. In a one horse open sleigh: Have you ever been on a sleigh ride or a carriage ride? Do you even like horses? Or would you just rather travel by your own two feet?
   I've ridden in a hay wagon, pulled by a tractor, and a sled that slid on snow. No horse-drawn conveyance in my past. I'm not a fan of horses; they are very big and very scary. I do like to walk, yes.
8. What is your favorite Christmas song? ...and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to listen for on the radio or hit 'repeat' on the player...
   
   this year I'm claiming Dona Nobis Pacem, and I don't know who sings it. It really doesn't matter. I loved it as done by the cast of M*A*S*H during one of their Christmas episodes.
9. What is your least favorite Christmas song? ...and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to skip on the player...
   there are any number of them, not worth mentioning and giving yet another hit in an online search, eh?

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is from the M*A*S*H episode 'Dear Sis']

a wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver

1. Real tree or artificial?
   though I fondly recall real trees from my youth, I think they're terribly ecologically unsound. Artificial trees, too, have their drawbacks in that area, but if one makes a commitment to a tree and sticks with it for several years, not throwing it away when one tires of it, it isn't as reprehensible as some holiday traditions that we blindly follow.
2. Do you like decorating the tree?
   I do, indeed.
3. When do you put up the tree?
   under ideal circumstances, sometime around the 20th
4. When do you take the tree down?
   January 6
5. Do you like eggnog?
   not at all. WTF is "nog" anyway? And I don't drink eggs in any case.
6. Ever broken a present right after opening it?
   I would imagine. I haven't always been the most, um, focused child.
7. Hardest person to buy for?
   one of my friends has pretty much everything she wants, and the means to buy what she doesn't have. It's a challenge to not load her up with stuff for which she has no need.
8. Easiest person to buy for?
   there's this guy.
9. Do you have a nativity scene?
   nope. I used to have a beautiful ceramic one, but it doesn't live with me anymore. You win some, you lose some.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
    mail (though I'm not at all offended by the email variety, which can be very charming and are obviously eco-friendly)
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
    any of a number of biographies of religious or political figures, carefully chosen to be as personally reprehensible as possible
12. Favorite Christmas movie?
    the original, animated The Grinch that Stole Christmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
    when I find something to buy. I don't typically set out to do it.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
    oh Hell yeah
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
    krumkake
16. Have you ever actually eaten fruit cake?
    no - I gravely dislike those little fruit-like pellets
17. Favorite Christmas song?
    it varies. Dona Nobis Pacem, maybe?
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
    alas, I always travel - home
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
    yes
20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
    it's a sort of snowman/angel, assuming I can ever find the [bleep] Rubbermaid storage tub that it's living in. My stuffed Grinch is in there, too, and my reindeer, and some other squishy Christmas crap. I've got to brave the parental basement one of these days, to see if it's here. If you don't hear from me again, it got me!
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
    morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
    what's not to be annoyed by? There's too much of everything: noise, light, movement. People. Driving. And it's cold, to boot.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
    whatever. My tree is a mash-up of mass-produced stuff, a small collection of knitted things (sweaters, scarves/hats/mittens, stockings), and a weird little blur of some handmade stuff that runs the gamut from professional-looking and awesome to "made by a 3-year-old and looks it." And all very much loved.
24. Favorite Christmas dinner?
    roast beast. It's my favorite dinner, whenever.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
    the usual: black pearl earrings, a car payment, Bacon Salt, a Nikon D90 (custom package), a brown leather jacket, and/or a date with [redacted]

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Thomas á Kempis]

words rolling through a tunnel with no end

Life never answers.
It has no ears and doesn't hear us;
it doesn't speak, it has no tongue.
It neither goes nor stays:
we are the ones who speak,
the ones who go,
while we hear from echo to echo, year to year,
our words rolling through a tunnel with no end.
That which we call life
hears itself within us, speaks with our tongues,
and through us, knows itself.

[Octavio Paz, from "Response and Reconciliation"; Eliot Weinberger, trans.]

as long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is

    The tree is assembled. It is not yet fully "fluffed." Nor is it remotely straight. I think I may need to double-check the joints, to make certain that they are secure.
     And yet: it's up. That counts for something.

[title quotation by Eric Sevareid]

The rumba is the dance of love. Look at me like you're in love.

1. Some people believe in making grand plans for their own future. Some have a 10-year plan, others have a 5-year plan, and some have only a 1- or 2-year plan. What kind of plan do you have, if any?
   I need groceries, which I'll buy within the next couple of days. And I'm looking for a new money-making venture. Beyond that, 'Mann tracht und Gott lacht'.
2. Are your closest friends more likely to within your gender or the opposite?
   my closest friends are typically same-gendered, but I've got lots of good guy friends without whom I can't imagine my life, at all
3. What is the last printed periodical — newspaper or magazine — that you read on paper?
   the hometown newspaper, for sure. I read it online in my normal life, but when I'm there, I read it the way I always did growing up: the paper spread open on the floor, and me crouched over it (on bent knees). That's also the only way I can wrap Christmas presents. When I try to do that at a table, I invariably end up moving to the floor.
4. Of the last ten times you communicated with your phone, which of the following types of communication did you use the most: phone call, text message, tweet or Facebook posting?
   they were probably all texts. I'm not a big phone talker, tweeting is for birds, and FB is enough of a hassle when limited to standard computer use.
5. You decide to make Jell-O for dessert: which flavor is your favorite?
   "red"
6. If you could arrange a private showing of any classic film at a big theater to experience it the way theater-goers did when it was actually on the big screen, which film would you choose?
   I would love to have seen Baz Luhrmann's Strictly Ballroom at the Cannes Film Festival, where it received a 15-minute standing ovation. It is the rare non-action movie that always has me out of my seat at the end - and in tears.

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is from Strictly Ballroom]

I walk around with my heart in my hands

1. Who is the last person you high-fived?
   probably someone at work, over something ridiculous
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
   yes, because were I drafted, I would necessarily be draft-worthy, and were I draft-worthy, I would necessarily be ready for combat and capable of keeping myself safe
3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
   never. That was a deal-breaker with someone I used to know, as a matter of fact. He couldn't stand silence - ever - and I'm very, very much on the opposite side of the coin.
4. Have you ever drunk milk straight out of the carton?
   I have, but I wouldn't choose it unless there was no other option. The little milk-crusties around the lip give me the willies.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
   no, but I came in second, notoriously. When I misspelled "competition."
6. Have you ever been stung by a bee?
   of course! I was a child once, y'know.
7. How fast can you type?
   80+ WPM. With accuracy, probably 75...on a good day.
8. Are you afraid of the dark?
   no. Nothing's there in the dark that wasn't there in the light. I think it's impossible to live alone and be afraid like that.
9. Eye color:
   according to this Hex Chart, I'm typically somewhere in the 66CCFF range - with a great deal of variance depending on how much oxygen is flowing in my brain at the moment
10. Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
    not precisely
11. When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
    not for a while. That's a warm-weather practice.
12. Do you knock on wood?
    yep, regularly
13. Do you floss daily?
    sometimes!
14. Can you hula hoop?
    the last time I had to, I could. It was a wedding reception trick. The newlyweds were very athletic, and refused to do the kiss-on-command thing in response to glasses being clinked, but they were happy to kiss for anyone who could keep a hula hoop spinning for a minimum amount of time (10 seconds? longer? I don't recall.) It ended up being much more fun than it sounds like, with everyone from the little kids (obviously) to the drunken guys (not a chance in Hell of getting it going) to the grand ladies - who surprised us all with their hip swinging! - getting into the spirit. And the bride and groom kissed plenty.
15. Are you good at keeping secrets?
    if they're worth keeping, sure. Keep two things in mind: first, who am I going to tell? And second, I'm an attorney - good and bad.
16. What do you want for Christmas?
    
    • 3 maple planks (~8" x 5') and a dozen bricks
    • pretty much anything from Bacon Freak
    • the "Ladies Going Long Hoodie" from Steelers.com. And maybe a nice shot glass...
    • dinner & a movie
    • oooh, beer! New Glarus, Weihenstephan, Sand Creek...
    • gift cards. I love them! Not only a gift in the original sense (something to unwrap, a surprise, and a treat that I wouldn't have had if someone wasn't thinking of me) but really two gifts, because I get that feeling the second time when I do the actual shopping. My favorites: ze salón, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble (our "local" bookstore - sigh), and iTunes
    • anything and everything from my Amazon wish list. That's what it's there for, after all!
17. Do you know the Muffin Man?
    I do - he owns the best restaurant in A2, where the peach muffins are insanely good and all the rest of the flavors are "merely" to die for
18. Do you talk in your sleep?
    maybe? But if there's no one to hear me, what difference does it make?
19. Who wrote the book of love?
    Johnnie Walker.

[from The Cat, who got it here; title quotation from "Could it Be" by The Spinners]

college kids might want to try binge thinking for a change

1. With Oct. 20 being "Shampoo Day," I'm curious...: do you actually "rinse and repeat" or just rinse without repeating?
   I shampoo twice, every time. OK, maybe 95% of the time. Why? Because I like the way it feels.
2. The 2011 World Series kicked off with the St. Louis Cardinals beating the Texas Rangers. If you went a baseball game today, what would you buy from the concession stands?
   hot dog, a soft pretzel with spicy brown mustard, the most expensive beer they've got, and - in the home state only - a chocolate sundae in the little cup shaped like a batting helmet. I LOVE those little batting helmet cups!
3. October is National Squirrel Awareness Month. Do you find squirrels to be cute animals, annoying pests, or something in between?
   if you know me well, this won't surprise you: I've got a squirrel story. My former spouse was nearly killed...well, OK, just sort of maimed...when he swerved to avoid a squirrel while riding a bike (it was him riding the bike, not the squirrel). (Though, now's I think about it, I've never had that aspect of the story verified.) He went ass-over-tea kettle and landed on his $800 bike. And then he lay there, in pain, until an elderly couple came along and helped him up. The urgent care doctor said he sprained his back and one knee, and he had road rash all long one side. But, yes, the squirrel survived.
   Does this adequately answer the question?
4. Recently, some tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw "Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle" being displayed on a road sign?
   I would not be surprised at all. I've driven through Hell and Climax and innumerable spots in between. I've driven with the flu, a sprained right ankle, and a sprained wrist (though, thank God, not at the same time). I've driven drunk off my ass. I've driven through swarms of moths. I've driven through pouring rain, a blizzard, fog with zero visibility, on ice-covered roads, and on a (frozen, obviously) lake. I've seen deer (thousands), cows, horses, sheep, pigs, turkeys, peacocks, fox, snakes, and a moose in the road. I've run over two mailboxes. (The home kind, not the regulation postal kind - and they were already in the road when I hit them.) (And yeah, I realize that that's absolutely no excuse.) I've hit a gallon of milk and a cement block. I've [been] hit [by] what was left of a deer after a semi hit it. So, really? A sign that advised to stay in a vehicle? No big deal.
   
   (Besides, I've driven [alone] though some of the sketchier parts of this state, and the one to the East that seems to be there only for driving through, and the parts of Michigan where there are LARGE signs reading prison area - do not pick up hitchhikers. The last thing I'd do is get out of the car while on the road if I didn't have to.)
5. Researchers from University College London have published the results of a study on Facebook's effect on the brain. They say the size of some parts of the brain correlate to how many friends people have on Facebook. How do you feel about the effect of today's social media on your brain?
   I am happier with fewer friends who I really know than I ever was with more friends who were there because I gave in to the desire to accumulate. I've recently parted with a couple more - it's hard but right when you know they're not truly friends. Besides, the size of the brain does not necessarily correlate either to intelligence or to happiness.
6. The authors of that study also said that the people studied with the biggest Facebook friends list tended to have the most "real world" friends. How does the amount of your "real world" friends compare to the friends you have solely over the Internet?
   Apart from some nostalgic FB friendships along the we-knew-each-other-in-high-school realm, my online friends are my real friends. Would I invite all of those people to my house, let them eat from my fridge, let them sleep on my couch? Not hardly. But I wouldn't do that for a decent chunk of my "real" friends, either. It's the fact that they don't know that that maintains the glossy sheen of friendship.
7. For her Fall 2012 clothing line, Vera Wang has created a bunch of black wedding dresses. What would you think if you went to a wedding and the bride surprised everyone by wearing a fully black dress?
   if I went to a wedding where the bride wore black, it would not be a "surprised everyone" sort of event. There are classy, appropriate ways to do it. Lots of women - probably the majority of women - would look better in a nice black dress or suit than they will in some overdone white (or white-shade) confection designed for someone half their age and size, anyway. And if someone really doesn't like it? Fuck 'em. I'm SO far beyond giving a shit about someone who would dare to have an attitude about what I wear to my own celebration, to which I've graciously invited them.
8. My fiance and I had to remove two dead mice from behind my couch this week. Talk about a disgusting stench. What has been the worst odor you remember smelling recently?
   the hallway near the copier at the money-earning place. No clue why the ventilation systems don't work, but the restroom odor is often beyond horrific.

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Jim Mullen]

Christmas is a time when you get homesick--even when you're home

the window on the landing between the second and third floors

the "front" window on the second floor - between the front door and the entry closet 

the peninsula between the entry closet and my desk

SHARK! dressed up for Christmas

the DVD/CD rack, which lives between the living room and dining room on the South wall

the ridiculously overdone chandelier, gussied up for the holiday

the baby (4') tree, which is next to the decklet door, in the dining room

the kitchen window

the peninsula between the kitchen and dining room, from the kitchen vantage point

the magnetic board that hangs over my monitor

[title quotation by Carol Nelson]

to help the monkey cross the river

which he must
cross, by swimming, for fruits and nuts,
to help him
I sit with my rifle on a platform
high in a tree, same side of the river
as the hungry monkey. How does this assist
him? When he swims for it
I look first upriver: predators move faster with
the current than against it.
If a crocodile is aimed from upriver to eat the monkey
and an anaconda from downriver burns
with the same ambition, I do
the math, algebra, angles, rate-of-monkey,
croc- and snake-speed, and if, if
it looks as though the anaconda or the croc
will reach the monkey
before he attains the river’s far bank,
I raise my rifle and fire
one, two, three, even four times into the river
just behind the monkey
to hurry him up a little.
Shoot the snake, the crocodile?
They’re just doing their jobs,
but the monkey, the monkey
has little hands like a child’s,
and the smart ones, in a cage, can be taught to smile.

['To Help the Monkey Cross the River', by Thomas Lux, from The Cradle Place]

if you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

1. 
   Are you more melancholy on occasion?
   more than...not? More than someone else? I think that, in all seriousness, I am probably melancholy more often than not, and more than most people.
2. What did you think you looked like when you were a teenager?
   in high school I was probably medium height, pretty thin but curvy, my hair was either in a utilitarian ponytail at the back of my head (I worked a lot!) or styled in some pseudo-wannabe-punk mode, though without the extreme goo necessary to make it really stand up. Well - that's what I really looked like. What did I think I looked like? I guess it depends on the day. Sometimes I probably thought I looked too short, too curvy, and/or too plain. And sometimes I probably thought that I looked like utter perfection. Teens are so adept at seeing anything except what's really there....
3. 
   Whose advice are you least likely to listen to?
   I'm not very big on advice of any kind unless I've specifically asked for it. In other words, you're welcome to make the sounds, but I probably won't act on them unless they've been requested. I'm the one who has to live with it, so I'm the one who chooses. Thanks.
4. Tell us about a job that you liked when you were younger.
   I thought I would make a good personal assistant to someone with lots of money and no time. As it turns out, I had no idea just how true that was - or how hard it would be to find someone like that in this general area.
5. 
   Would you lie to someone if you knew the truth would end your friendship or relationship?
   of course, even though it is by nature a self-fulfilling prophecy. Lie...to prevent loss. Duh.
6. What do you have little or no patience for?
   flattery. It's a feat of will to believe a compliment, so anything beyond that is absolutely pointless.
7. What is there never enough hours in the day to do?
   structure questions correctly? No, seriously: read enough, write enough, get enough sleep.
8. What is the most productive thing that you accomplished in [November]?
   getting a start on clearing the emotional decks. Throwing out some old feelings that have no place here anymore. "Facing reality" - whatever that really means, in practice.
   Moving. On.
9. What have you always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
   how to make an apple pie from scratch

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Carl Sagan]