1. If you promised to never lie again in your lifetime, in what area would it be the hardest to uphold the promise?
white lies.
2. If you had to name your worst character trait, what would you say it is?
blindness to other peoples' needs and intentions
3. If after you die your spirit could protect anyone in the world, who would you pick?
one of my niece's children, who needs all the help they can get
4. If you were to act out all of the seven deadly sins, what specific things would you do for each of them?
that phrasing made me snort, as if it's performance art.
• Vanity/Pride: plastic surgery, the details of which are either patently obvious or better kept as a secret
• Sloth: finally pull the trigger on buying the couch I've had my eye on for a couple of years but is out of my price range by $2000+, pre-tariff cost. And then plant myself on said couch for the indeterminate future
• Gluttony: I've been fantasizing about a hot fudge-mocha milkshake, typically about 1/3 of the way into a long walk in the sun
• Lust: [redacted]
• Avarice: why, I would sell my soul to the devil and practice law in the traditional sense, of course
• Envy/Jealousy: pretty sure that three years with Nick satisfied any acting out in this category that could possibly be accomplished
• Wrath/Anger: physically shove oblivious/arrogant students out of my way while walking on campus, when they take up the entire path—sometimes by LYING on the SIDEWALK. (How do these people survive in the wild? Do they drive down the middle of the road? Why are they lying on a sidewalk, for crissakes? Has no one ever told them to mind their manners? How have they never been shoved before??)
5. If you were to recall one situation in your experience where you would rather not have known the truth, when would it be?
there are many examples of my unwillingness or inability to handle the truth in romantic situations. Who likes being upset? Who seeks out harsh, sometimes unexpected realities?
A harder example, though, was finding out that my job was being eliminated with no warning and no kindness. It felt like driving along at normal speed, only to have a wall thrown down before me. I had no choice but to hit it, head on, and it crushed me.
I mean, the job sucked, and I had already been trying to find something else. But the way that all happened, it was a major blow, and took a long time to recover.
6. If you wanted to prove your trustworthiness to someone you know, how would you do it?
by being trustworthy. I'm not sure there is any other way to do it, except behaving in a way that does not inspire distrust.
7. If a psychic offered to tell you anything you wanted to know about your life, what is the thing you would least like to know about?
there are plenty of subjects that would not interest me overmuch, and that I certainly would not pay to ask. What would distress me, though, or make me angry? I suppose I would least like to know about my relationships with other people. Having some knowledge of how destiny makes it all turn out would likely change how I would go on, literally creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The inverse of that is being told which lotto numbers to buy. I'm sure that wouldn't change me at all.
[from If: Questions for the Soul; the title quotation is from "Don't Ask Her That" by Shaggy {feat. Nicole Scherzinger}, from Clothes Drop]
apart from those I've shared before... Tony Leung Chiu-wai. Serious, athletic, hysterically silly-funny, debonair, conflicted, and terribly handsome. Watch him in Gorgeous (1999, reviewed here), In the Mood for Love (2000, reviewed here), Hero (2002, reviewed here), Infernal Affairs (2002, reviewed here and here), The Grandmaster (2013, reviewed here and here)....
12. What’s a movie that you always recommend?
besides the many I've pushed here already... A Perfect World (1993), reviewed here and here. Roger Ebert's review is here, and includes this: "This is a movie that surprises you. The setup is such familiar material
that you think the story is going to be flat and fast. But the
screenplay by John Lee Hancock goes deep. And the direction by Clint Eastwood finds strange, quiet moments of perfect truth in the story. ...A Perfect World has the elements of a crime genre picture, but the
depth of thought and the freedom of movement of an art film."
13. Who is an actor you always watch, no matter how crappy the movie?
Jason Statham (with the exception of the one with Melissa McCarthy, of whom I am not a fan)
14. Who is an actor, living or dead, you’d love to meet? Why do they intrigue you?
Tom Hardy, who is a serious actor who tends to choose dark, complex characters—but who, in interviews, is often so disarmingly lighthearted and charming. He is especially sweet with dogs and children, who he clearly loves. The clip below is from a BBC interview where children were allowed to ask questions; the final question and answer still makes me smile big even having watched it countless times.
16. You are casting a movie. Pick a few actors you’d hire to be in it and tell why you’d love them together.
Leung, Jet Li, Jean Reno, Statham, Andy Lau, Jackie Chan, and Dwayne Johnson--for something like a cross between The Rundown (2003) + The Thieves (2012) +Leverage (2008-2012): kick ass retribution, a martial arts and more international Expendables, technically skilled and beautifully filmed and surprisingly funny.
17. Share 3 of your favorite actor pairings of all time.
• Sebastian Koch and Carise Van Houten inBlack Book (2006; reviewed here and explained here)
1960s: 6.7; Judgment at Nuremberg (1961); To Kill a Mockingbird (1962); Hud (1963); Charlie Brown Christmas (1965); How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)
1970s: 6.1; Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973); Young Frankenstein (1974); Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (1975)
1980s: 6.2; The Breakfast Club (1985); Manhunter (1986); The Princess Bride (1987); Mystic Pizza (1988)
1990s: 6.5; Trust (1990); The Unbelievable Truth (1990); Schindler's List (1993); The Professional (Léon) (1994); The Shawshank Redemption (1994); American History X (1998)
2000s: 6.5; Amen. (2002); Hero (2002); Spring Summer Fall Winter...and Spring (2003); Tae Guk Gi (2004); Letters from Iwo Jima (2006); The Lives of Others (2006); Up (2009)
2010s: 6.3; The Man from Nowhere (2010); Here Comes the Boom (2012); The Shape of Water (2017); Green Book (2018)
2020s: 5.3 (no 10/10 - so far!)
Due to the statistical insignificance of the 1920s (too few entries), my favorite by number of films rated 10/10 is 2000s, and by rank is the 1940s. That latter would have been my guess, overall!
19. If you were to be in a movie would you rather play the hero, villain or anti-hero? Why?
anti-heroes rock!
[snatched from here and edited for length; the title quotation is from A Perfect World]
1. What’s the first thing you saw this morning that made you smile?
a hummingbird sitting on his new saucer feeder, watching me work. I don't exactly believe in 'angels' or reincarnation, but I wonder sometimes if maybe hummingbirds are the exception to that. They do seem to show up at times when I'm feeling a loss especially hard, and they inexplicably make me feel much better.
2. What’s a sound that feels like home?
the first thing that popped into my head was the song "Miami" by Counting Crows (from Hard Candy, 2002). I'm not certain what it is about this song that let it burrow so far beneath my skin, but my love for this, and the way it feels like home, is bone-deep.
3. What was your favorite hiding place as a kid?
my bedroom closet, which was 'shared'—there was a door to the same closet from the living room, so the east half was used as a coat closet by the house (the door generally fully open) and the west half was for my sibling and me—and thus quite cramped. I would tuck myself into a tiny ball with my back toward that open door, and read by the light coming through from the living room windows.
I also liked to sit in the back seat of the (parked) car to read, though that got me in trouble more than once for using the dome light and not shutting it off, or for failing to fully close the car door. Batteries are hard for little kids to understand!
4. When did you last feel proud of something tiny but important?
during the HOA board meeting this month, I made a salient, meaningful point about something financial, which is a big shocker and surprised even me. Three of the people in the room seemed to visibly express respect in a new way after that.
I don't love being on the board (understatement of the year) and I don't love simultaneously taking minutes and thinking critically and making arguments. When I manage to keep my shit together, keep my composure, and accomplish all that, it's a win.
5. What food is basically a time machine for you?
roast beef and gravy with mashed potatoes, preferably with homemade rolls. In a world of low-carb this and prepackaged that and cooking is too much work, that meal is even better.
6. What’s a piece of advice you’ve quietly ignored—and been glad you did?
George, my library community service assistant/crush described here and elsewhere, once very conspiratorially revealed that he thought I should get a tattoo of a "sexy sun" around my navel. It was a compliment, albeit a strange one, and I recall gravely thanking him. His feelings were sensitive and quite close to the surface, so I'd learned to be gentle. I'm assuming that what he had in mind is something like that in the picture shown here...
Why did I quietly ignore George's advice? Because that could not be any less 'me'. Of all the body parts I would like to draw attention to, my navel has never been tops of the list. It also seems like a pretty painful spot for a long tattooing session, or incredibly ticklish (or God forbid both at once). And frankly, I think it's unattractive. As with many "socially eroticized" body parts, belly buttons are utilitarian rather than sexually functional, so from a psychlogical background their glorification seems bizarre.
Why am I glad that I ignored it? Because at this point in my life, it would be an embarrassing reminder of the body that I used to enjoy but no longer have.
7. If you could bottle a single scent forever, what would it be?
warm, clean kitty in the sunshine
8. What small ritual keeps you tethered when life feels chaotic?
this answer surprises me a little: it is using theEvidationapp. It functions as a walk-for-pay tracker (tied in with my smart-ish watch) that also employs daily surveys to earn more points. There are 3 daily questions ("How are you feeling today?" "How would you rate your sleep quality last night?" and "How would you rate your stress level today?") and more sporadic, longer surveys based on typical health concerns (such as migraines, depression, seasonal allergies, etc.). There are also Weekly Wellness Tips (today's is about working with an accountability partner and having a social support system) whose reading earns points. I answer those questions and surveys daily, and get weekly, monthly and yearly trend reports. Some have been insightful enough to share with my doctor. A sample of the reporting is shown in this graph, illustrating my 'active minutes' during August of this year.
Evidation has also earned me around $50 in Amazon gift cards. Not a huge money-maker, but rather a positive habit that also happens to pay back.
9. When’s the last time you laughed so hard it surprised you?
my latest taco-salad lunch with Rebecca from the financial place, for my bday. I think it was related to one of her Very Large Dogs. I just remember laughing so hard that the little loose bits of avocado on my fork—raised to but not inside of my mouth—flew across the table at her. We'd been laughing hard enough already but the airborne avocado set us off once more. We both had to mop tears off our faces (and avocado off the table).
There's really nothing like a good meal with a dear friend.
10. What’s something you hope future-you remembers about right-now-you?
resilience. Actively looking for ways to be happy when life, right now, is not.
[ChatGPT blog meme questions, a set called 'The “Little Windows” Meme'; the title quotation is by Ursula K. Le Guin, from No Time To Spare: Thinking About What Matters]
1. If all your thoughts so far today appeared as text above your head, how many people would you have offended already?
4 (it's only 8:33 AM as I write this):
* A well-meaning but early-birdish friend who likes to text before 7:AM. I never respond until a couple of hours later, in a mild effort to encourage later communications.
* A work friend who I get along with pretty well but who doesn't know when to quit. "First time funny, tenth time not."
* Two temporary coworkers who are passive-aggressive, inconsiderate, rude, presumptuous, arrogant, and not nearly as smart or well-liked as they think they are.
2. Which app on your phone is the most useful, and which is the most useless but fun?
most useful: Libby (a free app that lets you stream or download ebooks, audiobooks, and magazines from your library)
useless but fun: Offline Games (short puzzle games that don't use much space), especially since NYT Games locked even more behind their paywall
3. Other than water, what would you most like to jump into a pool of?
money, assuming that—like Scrooge McDuck—it wouldn't kill me
4. If a time-traveler from fifty years ago arrived in the world today, what would disappoint them?
everything except maybe microwave cooking and gas mileage.
5. How many clocks do you have in your home and do they all keep the correct time?
there are 2 clocks, one on the stove and one on the microwave. They are capable of keeping time correctly, but are never set to the actual time. Electricity service in this area can be easily disrupted, and it's a pain to set each of them; why oh why does it take so many different button-pushes to make that happen? I just poke them enough to make them stop blinking and call it good.
Anyway, if I need to know the exact time (and how often does that happen? Only when starting and leaving work) I use my watch, phone, or computer.
6. If you had to compile a top ten list of your favorite pies, which one would get the number one spot?
peach melba. The rest of the list: apple, rhubarb (with or without strawberries), cherry, peanut butter, raspberry, blueberry, French silk, blackberry, and homemade banana cream (NOT banana pudding but actual vanilla custard with fresh bananas). not necessarily in that order.
6. Have you ever pretended to be an answerphone message?
no,
but one of the funniest moments of my life was watching my mom and my
friend Brent trying to do that. The story is way more hilarious in my
head than the retelling could ever be, so I'll just leave it there.
1. How do you express apologies in your relationships?
I apologize, out loud or in writing. Saying I'm sorry doesn't make a person weak—it means they're courageous and honest. It also doesn't need to be complicated.
2. What does being loved feel like to you?
Some things are indescribable, and this question is a little bit strange. It's essentially the same as asking someone what it feels like to be human. Uhm, yes? Blue? 47? Quack?
3. Is it possible to love someone forever?
yes
4. What words do you most associate with love?
hope
confusion
loss
Try me again in 6 months or a year, and this may have changed.
5. How do you balance personal space with intimacy?
it's not a question of balance, exactly. Each person in the world, much less in a relationship, likely needs or wants a slightly different ratio of those two states of being. The very definition of intimacy is personal. I can feel close to, intimate with, someone without needing to be in the same room or house or state as they are. For that matter, I've also felt quite distant from someone despite sharing a couch, or even a bed.
I've lived by myself for a long time. Sharing physical space would be a big change. I do welcome the opportunity to become close with someone, though.
(This article gives a more structured analysis of this issue.)
6. How do you overcome trust issues in a relationship?
good question. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to share.
7. At what age do people typically start to understand love?
older than I am now, apparently
[from here; the title quotation is from Henry Rollins]
1. What was you first movie-going experience without your parents?
I don't recall going to a movie with my parents, ever. I'm sure I did, but I've no memory of it. I do remember watching movies at home with my dad, often classic westerns—with John Wayne—or mysteries like The Maltese Falcon (1941). We both like to get just a little bit scared, and I distinctly recall us scampering around the corner into the kitchen, where my mom was working on their tax return, to "hide" from whatever was happening onscreen. She told us to either shut it off or [not in so many words] suck it up and stop bothering her when she was busy.
2. Do you still buy DVDs or Blu-rays, or do you just stream?
I still buy DVDs, and still own some Blu-ray. My internet is a little spotty at times, especially during the school year (picture this valley with one little flow of internet and a majority of it being diverted so the pretentious, pampered pricks across the highway can stream while they "study"), so discs just make it a smoother and easier experience.
I also suffer from paralysis of choice, and often get too overwhelmed by a streaming menu to find anything worth seeing before I'm annoyed with the process.
Finally, I like special features like cast interviews and gag reels.
In sum: I do stream, but prefer to have a variety of options on disc.
4. You have compiled a list of your top 10 movies. Which movies do you like, but would not make the list?
this is a slightly awkward ask.
Albatross (2011)
I rate the movies that I've seen (or DNF'd) on IMDB.com. I've added ratings for roughly 970 films and TV series. Of those, 39 are rated 10/10, and around 120 are 9/10. What follows are some of those 9's, chosen because I haven't already written about them ad nauseam.
• One Night (2012), reviewed here; "this is a tense, uncomfortable, strange, sad little movie. I loved it."
•Bodyguards and Assassins (2009), reviewed here; "an incredibly action-packed, surprisingly funny, sweet, enormously sad,
heart-filled
The Revenant (2015)
epic. Definitely not for everybody, but for fans of the
genre it's top-notch."
• Safety Last! (1923), reviewed here; "nauseatingly realistic, this film is really something for someone with
vertigo! Howard Lloyd is a brilliantly expressive physical comedian.
It's so good!"
• Albatross (2011), reviewed here; "the whole point of the film is a moral conundrum that is not easily
resolved. This one will make you think and may stick with you for a
while. It certainly has with me."
• Goodbye Again (1961), reviewed here; "this is a profoundly sad movie. If that doesn't appeal to you, then you
should avoid it. If you like that nuance, though, it's marvelous."
The Bishop's Wife (1947)
• The Water Diviner (2014), reviewed here; "a marvelous film. ... The
subject matter is peculiar, and fascinating. The story is broad,
sweeping, but still finely honed. ...this one had all of my attention from the start. It's also
a visually beautiful film. Even the war scenes are stunning. ... I loved this movie."
• The Revenant (2015), reviewed here; "if you like a movie that will knock your visual socks right the F off,
keep you up at night, and make you think about something greater than
yourself, this is highly recommended."
• The Bishop's Wife (1947), reviewed here; "wonderful! Genuine and uplifting without any schmaltz. One of those
movies that renew one's faith in Christmas, kindness, and Cary Grant."
• The House of Flying Daggers (2004), reviewed here; "gorgeous film, engrossing story, wonderful action. The cinematography
alone makes this worth watching--the climactic fight scene, toward the
end, where the seasons change...that is mindblowingly beautiful and
tragic all at once."
6. Classic(s) you’re embarrassed to admit you haven’t seen yet?
I am not embarrassed by anything I have or have not watched!
There are loads of "classic" movies I have not seen. Some are just the luck of the draw, what's (not) available when I'm ready to watch. Some are genre or temperament incompatibility—I'm not seeking out "the best movies of all time" regardless of my own personal taste. Life is too short to waste it living up to someone else's standards.
Among these: It's a Wonderful Life (1946), Bridget Jones's Diary (2001), The Miracle on 34th Street (1947), Lord of the Rings (2001), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)....
7. Do you have any movie posters hanging on your wall? If yes, which ones and why?
no, I think it's a little strange when grown adults geek out to that degree. I love movies, but not like that.
8. Tell about a movie that you are passionate about.
The Other Side of Hope (2017, reviewed here and here). It's unlike any movie I've seen. The closest equivalent might be Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox(2009) or The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004), but it's funnier than the former and more intelligent and serious than the latter. Plus it's in a number of languages and leaves a mark when it's done. I really need to see it again soon.
9. What is a movie you vow to never watch? Why?
it's not a matter of "vowing," but there are a few that I won't seek out (besides those in #6, above). The ones that come to mind were recommended by someone who often tries to make me feel bad because I hadn't seen whichever blockbuster film they've thought of at that moment. I am regularly faced with a "you should really..." statement about "needing" to watch some excruciatingly long series of films that didn't interest me enough to seek them out.
So, yeah, that shit's not happening.
10. Tell us about a movie that literally left you speechless.
Gorgeous (1999, reviewed here). Unusual, fantastic (in the "it's a fantasy" sense), romantic, incredibly funny, and a little heart-wrenching. As indicated in the review, I paused the [library-borrowed] movie midway through so that I could order a copy for myself. When it was over, I seriously considered just popping it back in to watch again. That ought to count as speechless.
[snatched from here and edited for length; the title quotation is from The Other Side of Hope]
1 If you had to have one job that you have had previously, which one would you want again?
if it were possible to go back to 'the way it used to be', I would love to be the lead cataloger at the public library where I worked from the end of law school until I moved up nort'. I loved the challenge of locating an item in its proper place. Prioritizing in a sometimes overwhelming environment is one of my strengths. I like to work on my own, without requiring a lot of direct supervision. Cataloging appeals to my sense of order, self-discipline, and creativity. (Those who've survived the battle between 800s and FIC, or 300s v. 600s might appreciate that latter point.) Most basically, though, I loved being surrounded by books, and the people who are drawn to them.
2 If you could look through anyone's personnel file at work, whose would you pick?
the nature of my current role makes this question hilariously inappropriate. I would like to keep getting to know Blackbeard and Lord Farquaad, but not to the detriment of my continued employment. I'll wait for them to share what they want me to know.
3 If you could train a pet bird to do one thing for you and always return home again, what would it do?
oooh, I would love a messenger pigeon who could run to the Kwik-E-Mart for milk, bread, bananas and/or eggs. It would need to be an extremely strong pigeon with good interpersonal skills.
4 If you could have had one person in your life be more candid than they were (or are), who would it be?
my former spouse, H. Although compared to me he seemed a gregarious extrovert with chatterbox tendencies, at his base he's pretty quiet, and also prone to withholding comment when sharing might risk conflict. That combo meant that our conversations were sometimes more polite or superficial than they were constructive or even meaningful. We'd both have benefited if either of us had been more candid.
5 If you could completely remove someone's vocal cords for a year, whose would they be?
hmm. How to say this without risk of being deported?
And why for just a year?!
6 If you could ensure something about Heaven besides its existence, what would it be?
• a generalized mute button
• hot & cold tea on tap
• quiet space to be still
• loved ones close by, especially kitties I have love and lost too soon
• lots of soft green grass for running barefoot (with no allergic reaction)
• for that matter—no more headaches
• an actual monkey butler
7 If you had to name the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally, what would it be?
I've
been a bad friend to some people who were good friends to me.
Regardless of the reason or circumstances around it, that was a terrible
thing to do. My regret can't change anything, but does result in trying
to do better.
More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨
🧩 What’s Your Everyday Coping Superpower?
We all have hidden tricks for getting through the messy middle of life.
Some people some charm everyone in the room, some retreat into humor, some quietly endure until the storm passes, while some organize their way out of stress. None of them are “wrong”—they’re just different flavors of resilience. Take this quiz to discover the everyday superpower that helps you keep moving forward (even on the hard days).
1. It’s 8:30 a.m. and your day is already sideways. First move?
A. Coffee. Always coffee.
B. Make a list. Lists are life.
C. Drop a snarky meme in the group chat.
D. Pretend nothing’s wrong and just keep moving.
2. Your friends describe you as:
A. The steady one.
B. The clever problem-solver.
C. The comic relief.
D. The calm in the storm.
3. Pick a comfort soundtrack:
A. Classic rock you know by heart.
B. Indie ballads that make you think.
C. Cheesy pop bangers, no guilt.
D. Instrumental—something to clear the mind.
4. Your idea of self-care is:
A. Warm beverage + cozy blanket.
B. Organizing the chaos.
C. Laughing until your face hurts.
D. Disappearing into a good book/movie.
5. If life were a sitcom, you’d be:
A. The reliable best friend.
B. The witty strategist.
C. The sarcastic one-liner machine.
D. The stoic heart-of-gold type.
Results in the comments!
[the title quotation is by Gabor Maté, from When the Body Says No]
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