I don't like the dark

Average rating: 8.25

Lust, Caution (2007) - "Set in Japanese-occupied Shanghai during WWII, Lust, Caution follows a college student (Tang Wei) recruited by a resistance cell to seduce and help assassinate a powerful intelligence officer (Tony Leung Chiu-wai). What begins as a patriotic mission becomes a dangerously intimate psychological entanglement. The film moves slowly, with precision and elegance, into a space where seduction, loyalty, and selfhood become indistinguishable—and lethal." 

length: 2h, 37m  |  source: my DVD  |  directed by Ang Lee  |  why I watched: it touches on many loves (WWII; cinematic desire; period drama; and of course Tony Leung) and was led by a surprising, multi-genre director

IMDb: 7.5/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 73% / 84% Audience  |  my IMDb: 10/10  |  MPAA: I have the R-rated DVD; originally NC-17 

tone & texture: Intimacy as espionage / languid & dangerous 

notable quote: "I'm in your hands."

my notes: whatever I thought this movie would be, it is utterly different, and far better. A long film and a slow starter, it packs a visceral punch that's still reverberating through me days later. 

    Tony Leung is phenomenal. Mr. Yee is quiet, but reveals much in the set of his jaw or the flick of his eyes. What he does choose to say is often the least of what he conveys. When he finally does move, it is flabbergasting. He embodies both lust and caution, albeit not in standard ways. 

    The female lead is Wong Chia Chi (a.k.a. Mak Tai Tai), the astonishing debut role of Tang Wei. Though she presents with a curious mix of demureness and bravery, ultimately she is powerless. The men—Mr. Yee, would-be suitor Kuang Yu Min (Leehom Wang), mentor Old Wu (Chung-Hua Tou), her surprising tutor Liang Jun Shen (Lawrence Ko), and her absent father—dictate everything she believes she's deciding.

    This is an intensely, disturbingly erotic film. Even the R-rated version is not for the faint of heart.

    The RogerEbert.com review is here, from which I learned some things, from the Chinese point of view.

themes: identity as performance / deception & self-revelation / cost of conscience
overall: most highly recommended

 

The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit (1956) - "Tom Rath is a suburban father and husband haunted by his memories of World War II, including a wartime romance with Italian village girl Maria, which resulted in an illegitimate son he's never seen. Pressed by his unhappy wife to get a higher-paying job, Rath goes to work as a public relations man for television network president Ralph Hopkins. Drawn into poisonous office politics, Tom finds he must choose his career or his family." 

length: 2h, 33m  |  source: my DVD  |  directed by Nunnally Johnson  |  why I watched: I'd seen it before (previously reviewed here) but hadn't rated it, and had forgotten the plot

IMDb: 7.1/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 73% / 73% Audience  |  my IMDb: 6/10  |  MPAA: Approved 

tone & texture: Sober, introspective, morally weighted / clean lines, quiet rooms, internal storms

notable quote: "Big successful businesses are not built by men like you. 9 to 5 and home and family. You live on them but you never built one. Big successful business are built by men like me. They give everything they got to it. Live it body and soul. Lift it up regardless of anybody or anything else. Without men like me there wouldn't be big and successful businesses."

my notes: I can see why it's a classic of sorts. Here's why it's not for me: Gregory Peck (Tom Rath) is SO mild that it's hard to root for him. Jennifer Jones (Betsy Rath) is not a favorite of mine—she hits only two points on the emotional spectrum (annoyingly happy, or stridently and shriekingly pissed off, crying lunatic) and doesn't ring true anywhere. And there is sooooooo much backstory; this could have been an excellent 99 minute film, but in 153 it's drowning in blah blah blah. The high point: Lee J Cobb's Judge Bernstein, wise and gentle but powerful.

themes: the long shadow of trauma / truth v. comfort / finding meaning
overall: mildly recommended

sex, lies, and videotape (1989) - "The story of Graham, a long-lost college friend who drifts back into town, and a look into the lives of philanderer John, his wife Ann, and her sister Cynthia. One by one, each is drawn into the very personal project Graham is working on, leaving the relationships between them forever transformed." 

length: 1h, 40m  |  source: my DVD  |  directed by Steven Soderbergh  |  why I watched: craving the comfort of a familiar but still edgy experience (previously reviewed here and here)

IMDb: 7.2/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 96% / 79% Audience  |  my IMDb: 9/10  |  MPAA: R 

tone & texture: Intimacy under glass / slow-build, atmospheric 

notable quote: "'You're right, I've got a lot of problems. But they belong to me.'

    'You think they're yours, but they're not. Everybody that walks in that door becomes part of your problem. Anybody that comes in contact with you. I didn't want to be part of your problem, but I am. I'm leaving my husband, and maybe I would have anyway, but the fact is, is, I'm doing it now, and part of it's because of you. You've had an effect on my life.'

    'This isn't supposed to happen. I've spent nine years structuring my life so this didn't happen.'"

my notes: God, I love this movie. When it was released, I was on the young side of the target audience. Over time, I considered myself the same age as the characters, but now I'm definitely on the older side looking back. That changed my perspective dramatically. Graham is still my favorite and most relatable character, but I can see a bit of Ann in me, too. Less and less of Cynthia or John (not a bad thing). This time around, I was really struck by the late John Vawter as Ann's therapist. An excellent, understated, vital performance.

     For what it's worth, I don't love Soderbergh as a writer or director. Some of his films are pretty good, but much of what he says about them is insulting to viewers. Not cool. 

Academy Award nominee: Best Writing, Screenplay written directly for the screen—Steven Soderbergh

themes: authenticity under pressure / the masks we wear / love redefined through vulnerability
overall: strongly recommended

Gilda (1946) - "A gambler gets a job, his boss gets a wife who’s the gambler's ex, tungsten is involved, and everyone’s strangely obsessed with each other… it’s basically a really intense soap opera in Argentina."

length: 1h, 50m  |  source: my DVD  |  directed by Charles Vidor  |  why I watched: it's classic, and I was in the mood for something with bite

IMDb: 7.6/10  |  Rotten Tomatoes: 90% / 88% Audience  |  my IMDb: 8/10  |  MPAA: Approved 

tone & texture: Glossy noir / desire weaponized through elegance 

notable quote: "Women can be extremely annoying."

my notes: Rita Hayworth was one of the most beautiful women who's ever lived. Her portrayal of the borderline Gilda is outstanding. 

    Glenn Ford is hard edges and anger... and desire.

    It's weird, and romantic, and ends on the perfect note. 

themes: Love as control / redemption through endurance / authenticity under pressure
overall: highly recommended

 

[the title quotation is from Lust, Caution]

what happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet

More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨

 

🛏️ What’s Your Bedsheet Aesthetic? 💤

 

The fabric world is a secret language: 

softness, chaos, calm, and nostalgia 

woven into threads. 

Answer these questions to find your true bedsheet vibe.

---

Q1. How do you want to feel the moment you get into bed? 

    A. Cozy and nostalgic 

    B. Calm and cool 

    C. Minimal and orderly 

    D. Energized and playful

 

Q2. What’s your bedroom lighting at night? 

    A. Soft lamp glow 

    B. Cool-toned fairy lights 

    C. Off, always 

    D. A mix of whatever feels right

 

Q3. Pick a Saturday morning mood. 

    A. Reading in bed 

    B. Tidying and resetting 

    C. Coffee + quiet 

    D. Dancing in the kitchen

 

Q4. Which texture feels most like “home”? 

    A. Cotton with a gentle print 

    B. Smooth percale 

    C. Crisp hotel sheets 

    D. Anything bold or colorful

 

Q5. Your perfect dream setting: 

    A. A cozy cottage 

    B. A seaside retreat 

    C. A sleek modern loft 

    D. A boho beach shack

 

Results in the comments!

 

[quiz generated by chatGPT; the title quotation is by Lemony Snicket, from The Reptile Room]

the wizard exploded??

Average rating: 7.25

Flying Swords of Dragon Gate (2011) - "Three years after the infamous Dragon Inn was burnt down in the desert when its innkeeper Jade vanished. A new gang of marauders had taken over—innkeepers by day and treasure hunters by night. The inn is the rumoured location of a lost city buried under the desert, and its hidden treasure would only be revealed by a gigantic storm every 60 years. The gang used the inn as a front to locate the lost treasure."
Length: 2h, 2m | Source: my DVD | directed by Hark Tsui | Why I watched: having recently watched one of the classics, I wanted to see a different type of wuxia film

IMDb: 5.9/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 68% / 48% Audience | My IMDb: 7/10 | MPAA: R 

Tone & Texture: Wind and motion as moral release / exuberant fantasy 

notable quote: "I could go anywhere for him."

my notes:  although it feels chaotic and frenzied at times, this movie is about stillness, and the idea of personal agency v. the force of external powers. I loved Jet Li as strong, stable, mesmerizing Zhao Huai'an. I was also impressed by the women, particularly Xun Zhou (serene, wise Ling Yanqui) and Lun-Mei Gwei (the face-tattooed and crazy Chang Xiaowen). 

Themes: justice blurred by vengeance / ghosts of responsibility / redemption through endurance
overall:  recommended

 

Just Visiting (2001) - "An American retelling of the 1993 French comedy Les Visiteurs in which stars Jean Reno and Christian Clavier reprise their popular roles. In the film, A French nobleman, Count Thibault of Malfete (Jean Reno) and his servant André (Christian Clavier) find themselves in modern day Chicago—transported from the 12th century due to a wizard's flawed time-travel potion."
Length: 1h, 28m | Source: my DVD | directed by Jean-Marie Poiré | Why I watched: it was a very long day; this is non-taxing

IMDb: 5.7/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 33% / 52% Audience | My IMDb: 7/10 | MPAA: PG-13 

Tone & Texture: Fish-out-of-water comedy / French medieval twist

notable quote: "'We're taking the freeway; you can run seventy miles an hour, can you?'

    'I have good boots!'"

my notes: silly, funny, historically inaccurate, and sweet. Reno and Clavier are a fun team, and their medieval antics are Monty Pythonesque. Christina Applegate plays things straight, letting just enough enjoyment of the nonsense shine through her eyes. 

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I totally agree.

Themes: Culture clash & adaptation / second chances / love & humility / friendship & loyalty
overall: recommended

Laura (1944) - "Manhattan detective Mark McPherson investigates the murder of Madison Avenue executive Laura Hunt in her fashionable apartment. On the trail of her murderer, McPherson quizzes Laura's arrogant best friend, gossip columnist Waldo Lydecker and her comparatively mild fiancé, Shelby Carpenter. As the detective grows obsessed with the case, he finds himself falling in love with the dead woman."
Length: 1h, 28m | Source: my DVD | directed by: Otto Premiger | Why I watched: I'd seen it before and recalled its cool, thoughtful noir

IMDb: 7.9/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 100% / 90% Audience | My IMDb: 8/10 | MPAA: Approved 

AFI: 100 Years…100 Thrills (2001) #73

    10 Top 10 (2008) Mystery #4  

Tone & Texture: Elegant and atmospheric / cool, romantic, and psychologically charged 

notable quote: "'Have you ever been in love?'

    'A doll in Washington Heights once got a fox fur out of me.'

    'Did you ever know a woman who wasn't a "doll", or a "dame"?'

    'Yeah, one....'"

my notes: some of the best movies transcend their component parts. Laura is strange, incoherent, and utterly implausible, but also compelling and beautiful. Clifton Webb's performance as Waldo Lydecker is magnificent, and Vincent Price's Shelby Carpenter is ridiculous, tragic, and quietly fascinating.

    Roger Ebert's review is here, which I think is very funny and deliciously catty.

Academy Award winner (4x nominee):
• Best Cinematography, Black and White—Joseph LaShelle

Themes: obsession and idealization / identity and perception / desire and control / reality v. illusion
overall: highly recommended

From Paris with Love (2010) - "A junior U.S. embassy aide in Paris, James Reece (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), dreams of being a full-fledged intelligence operative. His chance arrives in the form of Charlie Wax (John Travolta), a brash, unorthodox, trigger-happy special agent whose methods make chaos look refined. Over 24 explosive hours, the mismatched pair tear through Paris uncovering a terrorist plot—and forcing Reece to confront the gap between wanting the job and surviving it."
Length: 1h, 32m | Source: my DVD | directed by Pierre Morel (co-written by Luc Besson) | Why I watched: I'd seen it before (reviewed here) and really liked it

IMDb: 6.4/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 37% / 54% Audience | My IMDb: 7/10 | MPAA: R 

Tone & Texture: Swaggering absurdity / gritty but bright momentum 

notable quote: "'Nice work Reece.'

    [splattered in blood] 'What's so nice about it?'

    'How 'bout the fact that he's dead and you're alive?'"

my notes: surprisingly, intensely violent (bodycount: 51, mostly hand-to-hand or close-range), fast-paced, funny, and unexpectedly emotional. It's not for everybody, but what movie is?

    Roger Ebert's review is here. However interesting, it doesn't quite address the film.

Themes: aspiration v. identity / the cost and isolation of competency / transformation via partnership
overall:  recommended

 

[the title quotation is from Just Visiting]

a hesitancy to speak is a hesitancy of the earth rolling back and away

Nobody comes up from the sea as late as this 

in the day and the season, and nobody else goes down 

 

the last steep kilometre, wet-metalled where 

a shower passed shredding the light which keeps 

 

pouring out of its tank in the sky, through summits, 

trees, vapours thickening and thinning. Too 

 

credibly by half celestial, the dammed 

reservoir up there keeps emptying while the light lasts 

 

over the sea where ‘it gathers the gold against 

it’. The light is bits of crushed rock randomly 

 

glinting underfoot, wetted by the short 

shower, and down you go and so in its way does 

 

the sun which gets there first. Boys, two of them, 

turn campfirelit faces, a hesitancy to speak 

 

is a hesitancy of the earth rolling back and away 

behind this man going down to the sea with a bag 

 

to pick mussels, having an arrangement with the tide, 

the ocean to be shallowed three point seven meters, 

 

one hour’s light to be left, and there’s the excrescent 

moon sponging off the last of it. A door 

 

slams, a heavy wave, a door, the sea-floor shudders. 

Down you go alone, so late, into the surge-black fissure. 

 

 [Allen Curnow {1911-2001} 'You Will Know When You Get There' from You Will Know When You Get There]

if you can’t flee or maul or fire a gun, evolution may help you out with other, quieter ways to avoid being eaten

More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨

 

🌿 Which Houseplant Are You? 🌿 

 

Whether you’re a sun-chasing extrovert or a quietly thriving shade-dweller, we’ve all got a little houseplant energy in us. This week’s Mindplay quiz digs into your roots (pun intended) to discover what kind of leafy companion your personality mirrors—from stoic succulents to dramatic divas. No watering can required, just your honest answers and a sense of humor.

---

🌱 1. Your ideal Saturday morning looks like... 

    A. A slow stretch of sunlight and a good book.  

    B. Tackling your to-do list before anyone else wakes up.

    C. Sleeping in, door closed, curtains drawn.

    D. Rearranging the furniture for the fourth time this month.  

 

☀️ 2. Someone opens your curtains without asking. You… 

    A. Smile—sunlight is life! 

    B. Ask if they know what UV damage is. 

    C. Hiss quietly and close them again. 

    D. Rearrange your entire day to avoid that spot of glare.  

 

💧 3. Your energy pattern is best described as... 

    A. Steady and gentle—a low-maintenance rhythm. 

    B. All-in bursts followed by deep rest. 

    C. Moody: sometimes lush, sometimes wilted. 

    D. Constant motion—repotting yourself into new projects.  

 

🌸 4. You meet someone new at a party. How do you connect? 

    A. Warm smile, calm eye contact, genuine curiosity. 

    B. Crack a clever joke; charm is your fertilizer. 

    C. Observe quietly—they’ll come to you. 

    D. Dive straight into deep conversation about existentialism and soil pH.  

 

🌿 5. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, you…. ? 

    A. Go for a walk and recharge in the sun. 

    B. Organize something—control is comfort. 

    C. Retreat into solitude and stillness. 

    D. Talk it out (loudly, passionately, maybe too much).  

 

Results in the comments!

 

[quiz generated by chatGPT; the title quotation is by Mary Roach, from Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law]

crunching and crushing

One love is crossing a road. 

With no hesitation, it crosses noon. 

From time to time that love 

is carried off in a cloud bag. 

 

Love is a moment’s eternity. 

Eternity is a moment of love. 

One that never waits for us, or waits for extinction 

 

One that waits, crunching and crushing. 

 

[Kang Ŭn-gyo {Kang Eun gyo or Kang Unkyo} {1945- } 'Love and Eternity', from Bari's Love Song]

you put your time where your priority is

1. Under what circumstances would you say it's better to be safe than sorry? 

    keeping winter-weather gear in the car (it always snows earlier than expected), waiting an extra couple of minutes before biting into a battered chicken sandwich (always so much hotter than I think it's going to be), and triple-checking that I'm sending out the proper item from my eBay inventory. 

 

2. What's the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night? 

    put on hand lotion. I absolutely loathe the feeling of even slightly dry skin against the sheets.

 

3. What would happen if everyone on Earth jumped at the same time? 

    the world would implode. Not from the physical effects of the jumping but because more than two people agreed to any damned thing and followed through accordingly.

 

4. Do you know what every button on your TV remote control is for? 

    ha! Not even close. My TV remote includes a cursor that runs via scroll wheel. It is not intuitive for me, and I only ever touch it by accident. Whatever nonsense it's activated against my will then has to be cancelled. It's disruptive and annoying, and there is no way to disable it.

 

5. What's the most irksome challenge you deal with in daily life? 

     money.

 

6. Have you ever spoken up for someone else? What was it about? 

    heck yeah. It's happened a lot, and I would be reluctant to be friends with someone who hadn't done it, who couldn't point to a specific time when someone was important enough to do it.

    The last time was when I told Lord Farquaad that I will work on any project he wishes - but only on the condition that Blackbeard comes with. 

 

7. What was the last item you put in your basket on Amazon? 

    cough medicine. I've been sick since the end of October, progressing from strep to viral sinus infection to what now seems like either bronchitis or my first foray into Covid. 

 

 [from 3000 Unique Questions about Me; the title quotation is by Sebastian Faulks, from Engleby]

go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call. ... Get out. Vanish.

Average rating: 7.75

Thunderheart (1992) - "When a series of murders stuns a small Native American reservation, the FBI sends in agent Ray Levoi to investigate. While Ray is relatively inexperienced, he is one quarter Sioux and the FBI hopes that will make it easier for them to gather information from the locals. While the reservation police officer views the agent as an outsider, the tribal elder believes him to be the reincarnated spirit of Thunderheart, a Native American hero."
length: 1 hour, 59 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from my parents' collection
I watched it because: I wanted to have a Val Kilmer retrospective
IMDB: 6.8/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 91% Audience: 75%
my IMDB: 7/10

MPAA rating: R

notable quote: "'In case you didn't know it, officer, violation of the...'

    '...Major Crimes Act on an Indian reservation is within the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Intimidation. I know that.'"

directed by: Michael Apted

my notes: for some reason that I cannot understand, I didn't like this one the first time I saw it. It is possible that the subsequent passing of both Graham Greene (Walter Crow Horse) and Val Kilmer (Ray Levoi) has altered the film's emotional chemistry. It's also possible I was in the wrong mood to get into it before. In any case: I liked it. I thought Kilmer's character appreciably grew, from start to finish, and that the remaining characters (particularly Greene's) added real flavor to the action. 

    Roger Ebert's review is here, which I now see—upon my second viewing of the movie—as a revelation. 

overall:  recommended

 

Field of Dreams (1989) - "When Iowa farmer Ray hears a mysterious voice one night in his cornfield saying "If you build it, he will come," he feels the need to act. Despite taunts of lunacy, Ray builds a baseball diamond on his land, supported by his wife, Annie. Afterward, the ghosts of great players start emerging from the crops to play ball, led by "Shoeless" Joe Jackson. But, as Ray learns, this field of dreams is about much more than bringing former baseball greats out to play."
length: 1 hour, 47 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: I was in the mood for something gentle

    previously reviewed here
IMDB: 7.5/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 88% Audience: 86%
my IMDB: 8/10

AFI: 10 Top 10 (2008) Fantasy #6 

    100 Years…100 Cheers (2006) #28

MPAA rating: PG

notable quote: "This is really new territory for both of us, I know, but we're dealing with primal forces of nature here, all right? When primal forces of nature tell you to do something, the prudent thing is not to quibble over details."

directed by: Phil Alden Robinson

my notes: I enjoy movies that are unabashedly sweet without getting sticky, and this is one of the all-time greats. Kevin Costner is marvelous, a loosey-goosey boy next door. I completely adore Ray Liotta and James Earl Jones. And as much as I'd like to review this in an intellectual or scientific way—it's a guaranteed tearjerker for me, which I love. 

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I fondly agree.

Academy Award nominee: 

• Best Picture—Lawrence Gordon, Charles Gordon 

• Best Writing, Screenplay based on material from another medium—Robinson 

• Best Music, Original Score—James Horner
overall: highly recommended

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) - "In 19th century Qing Dynasty China, a warrior (Chow Yun-Fat) gives his sword, Green Destiny, to his lover (Michelle Yeoh) to deliver to safe keeping, but it is stolen, and the chase is on to find it. The search leads to the House of Yu where the story takes on a whole different level."
Length: 2h | Source: my DVD | directed by: Ang Lee | Why I watched: it's been a long time, and the first time through I think I missed a lot

IMDb: 7.9/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 98% / 86% Audience | My IMDb: 7/10 MPAA: PG-13 Tone & Texture: Lyrical melancholy / grace tethered to destiny 

notable quote: "Sharpness is a state of mind."

my notes: I don't dislike it, but there's something I'm clearly not getting. Ziyi Zhang (Jen) is not a fave, defaulting more to 'blankness' than 'serenity' and fighting in an uncontrolled fashion. I do like Chow Yun-Fat (Li Mu Bai) and Michelle Yeoh (Yu Shu Lien), and was impressed by the physicality and rawness in Chang Chan (Yo).

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I do not entirely agree.

Academy Award winner (6x nominee):
• Best Cinematography—Peter Pau 

• Best Music, Original Score—Duo Tan

• Best Art Direction - Set Decoration—Tim Yip

• Best Foreign Language Film—Taiwan

Themes: love redefined through loss / redemption through restraint / ghosts of responsibility
overall:  recommended

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) - "Two-bit crook Harry Lockhart stumbles into an audition for a mystery film while on the run from the cops. Winning the part, he lands in Hollywood, where he's flung into a tangled, murderous conspiracy with his childhood sweetheart, Harmony Lane, and hard-boiled private eye Perry van Shrike."

Length: 1h, 43m | Source: my DVD | directed by: Shane Black  |  Why I watched: Val Kilmer retrospective in process (previously reviewed here and here)

IMDb: 7.4/10 | Rotten Tomatoes: 86% / 87% Audience | My IMDb: 9/10 MPAA: R 

Tone & Texture: Sardonic noir / chaos wrapped in charm 

notable quote: "You think that's funny? I'm gonna break your nose now."

my notes: such a delightful, sarcastic, fun film. I love Val Kilmer as (Gay) Perry van Shrike, all deliciously cool, gorgeous action hero. I found it clever, engrossing without excessive tricks, and very satisfying. 

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I completely disagree.

Themes: authenticity under pressure / loyalty tested / the fragile ordinary 

overall: strongly recommended

 

[the title quotation is from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang]

telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell

More accurate than a Buzzfeed quiz; less accurate than your therapist’s raised eyebrow.🤨

 

💃🕺 What’s Your Secret Superpower at Parties? 🍷🍺

 

Everyone brings something unique to a gathering. 

What’s your contribution? 

Answer these to reveal your party superpower.

---

1. At a party, you’re most likely found:

    A) Telling stories in the kitchen

    B) Dancing or starting the playlist

    C) Deep in a one-on-one conversation    

    D) Helping the host and keeping things smooth

 

2. Your pre-party ritual:

    A) Plan an outfit

    B) Hype yourself with music

    C) Convince yourself to actually go    

    D) Bring snacks/drinks to share

 

3. What’s your favorite party snack?

    A) Chips & guac

    B) Anything cheesy

    C) Veggie platter (and maybe wine)    

    D) Dessert tray

 

4. If the energy dips, you:

    A) Tell a funny story

    B) Turn up the music

    C) Find someone to check in with    

    D) Refill glasses, pass food

 

5. Your party exit style:

    A) Long goodbyes

    B) Irish exit (sneak out)

    C) Thank every person you talked with    

    D) Help clean before leaving

 

Results in the comments!

 

[quiz generated by chatGPT; the title quotation is by Criss Jami, from Killosophy]

I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed

When I look back on my romantic history, it occurs to me that I’ve essentially been dating Muppets. In temperament, energy, and emotional resonance, the comparison fits uncannily well. Each relationship left me with lessons that are clearer in hindsight than they ever were in the moment. The framework of four very different archetypes—Kermit, Rowlf, Beaker, and Animal—turns out to be a surprisingly precise map of what I need, what I tolerate, and what I simply cannot sustain. 

 

High school and early college brought a series of Beakers into my orbit. Bright, curious, and expressive in ways that often left me laughing or holding my breath, they were exciting and exhausting. With them, I learned the importance of patience, not just for my partner, but for myself. The Beaker-type requires a capacity to embrace unpredictability, and though I admired their brilliance, I realized that I also need a grounding presence. Their energy was infectious, but it rarely joined in my inner world; it had its own trajectory, and I was along for the ride, not co-piloting. 

 

Then came the Animals: loud, unrestrained, and passionate. College was on a high-octane, head-spinning pandemonium. Loving an Animal-type taught me something fundamental: boundaries are necessary, and intensity is thrilling but unsustainable when it’s untempered. Looking back, the thrill of their energy was seductive, but it was also chaotic in ways that didn’t allow any rest or comfort. The lessons were vivid, memorable, and sometimes bruising (physically, emotionally, and metaphorically). I carry them with affection, even amusement, but minimal longing to reconnect. 

 

In my twenties and early thirties, I was married to Kermit. Calm, conscientious, endearingly earnest; he could listen and empathize, and he almost always knew the right thing to say. At first, this felt like the gold standard: predictable, safe, comforting. After twelve years, though, I realized that “safe” had morphed into “non-challenging.” The conversations were so gentle, the rhythms so predictable. We were not growing anymore. I came to realize that I longed for a partner who would nudge me, surprise me, or drag me, insistently, out of my own head. Kermit cared and warmed, yes, and I will always be grateful for that. I just needed more electricity than he could provide. 

 

After Kermit, I lapsed back into the Animals. This ought to be a surprise to no one, since it was a predictable rebound even at my advanced age. There were even a handful of Gonzos and at least one Snuffleupagus thrown into the mix. It was an unsettled phase, more error than trial. 

 

Somehow, in the quiet reflection of middle age and later adulthood, I keep landing on Rowlf. Steady, soulful, and quietly witty, he strikes the balance that I think I’ve been searching for all along. He’s capable of laughter without excess, musicality without performance, and loyalty without demands. Being with a Rowlf-type feels like coming home after a long day: safe, understood, and quietly joyful. He meets me where I am, joins me in my headspace, and yet opens a world beyond it—a shared inner life that’s rich, playful, and unforced. Rowlf teaches me that love doesn’t need fireworks to feel alive; it needs resonance, patience, and a willingness to really listen to the other person. 

 

This exercise—framing my romantic history in Muppet terms—isn’t meant to trivialize real relationships and intimacy; rather, it’s a lens through which I can see my own patterns and preferences with humor, grace, and honesty. Humor softens the edges of reflection, making insight palatable, and in examining these archetypes, I’ve gained a vocabulary for what matters to me in a partner. Compatibility isn’t about perfection; it’s about resonance, growth, and shared values, even if one party occasionally squeaks, drums, or hums along the way. 

 

So, yes: I’ve dated Beakers, and Kermit, and the Animals, and each taught me something indispensable. When I close my eyes, though, it’s Rowlf who appears: clever, loyal, quietly affectionate, and attuned to me. It’s a reminder that the relationship that endures, and the love that feels most like home, is often that which mirrors our own depth, temperament, and capacity for joy. That’s the sweetest lesson of all: after all the wild, brilliant, loud, or overly careful choices, it’s the soulful, steady connection that lasts. 

 

[inspired by my results from the "Which Muppet Should You Date?" quiz; the title quotation is by Rowlf the dog, from The Muppet Movie]

life is like a movie. Write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending

🎭 Which Muppet Should You Date? 🎭 

Ever wondered which Muppet would totally get your vibe? 

Take the Which Muppet Should You Date? quiz 

and find out if your heart belongs to 

 💘 Animal’s chaos, Beaker’s brilliance, Kermit’s calm, or Rowlf’s warmth. 

 It’s slyly romantic, scientifically un-serious, 100% fuzzy fun. 💘 

Because love comes in many forms— 

sometimes green, sometimes furry, 

and sometimes loudly banging on drums. 

---

1. Your ideal date night is:

A. A moonlit walk by the pond, sharing quiet laughter and tea. 

B. A cozy piano lounge with mellow jazz and good conversation. 

C. A science lab "experiment" that may or may not involve sparks (literal or emotional). 

D. A wild night at a rock club that ends with glitter in your hair.  

 

2. What’s your love language?

A. Words of affirmation—gentle encouragement makes your heart sing. 

B. Acts of service—you melt when someone just quietly takes care of things. 

C. Quality time—even if it means surviving a few accidental explosions together. 

D. Physical touch—hugs, headbangs, and drumming side-by-side.  

 

3. What do you find most attractive in a partner?

A. Emotional honesty and a calming presence. 

B. Loyalty, warmth, and the ability to listen without judgment. 

C. Curiosity and intelligence—even if communication gets... squeaky. 

D. Passion, unpredictability, and a refusal to follow any rules.  

 

4. When life gets stressful, your coping style is:

A. Taking a deep breath and finding your center. 

B. Playing music, taking a walk, or helping a friend. 

C. Diving into a project until it’s all figured out (or explodes). 

D. Screaming it out and moving on—life’s too short to bottle it up!  

 

5. What’s your idea of “forever”?

A. Building a simple, genuine partnership where both shine. 

B. Growing old together, still sharing music and laughter. 

C. A lifetime of creative chaos, but never a dull day. 

D. Burning bright, loving hard, and leaving the world with great stories. 

 

🧡 Sometimes, true love isn’t about finding the perfect person; 

it’s about finding the perfect puppet. 🧡 

 

 [custom-designed just for me by ChatGPT; the title quotation is from Jim Henson]

your uncle molests collies

Average rating: 8.25

The More the Merrier (1943) - "It's World War II and there is a severe housing shortage everywhere—especially in Washington, D.C., where Connie Milligan rents an apartment. Believing it to be her patriotic duty, Connie offers to sublet half of her apartment, fully expecting a suitable female tenant. What she gets instead is mischievous, middle-aged Benjamin Dingle. Dingle talks her into subletting to him, and then promptly sublets half of his half to young, irreverent Joe Carter—creating a situation tailor-made for comedy and romance. "
length: 1 hour, 44 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: it's been too long since I've seen it!

    previously reviewed here and watched again a month later, here
IMDB: 7.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 100% Audience: 81%
my IMDB: 10/10

MPAA rating: Approved

notable quote: "'I'm sorry, mister, but I prefer sharing my apartment with a lady.'

    'That's fine; so would I.'"

directed by: George Stevens

my notes: clever, witty, politically astute, shaded by the reality of war, this is also one of the most romantic films I have ever seen. There is a scene on a sidewalk, and then the stoop of a building, that is enough to make me swoon. And I've never seen a piece of luggage so packed with sweet, delicious woo.

    Charles Coburn is genial but grumpy, surprisingly smart, and sly as Mr. Dingle. Jean Arthur (Connie) is a tiny sprite, dances divinely, and has such a way with complex dialog. And Joel McCrea... tall, handsome, quick-witted and self-deprecating, dry and ironic. Mmmmm. He gives Joe Carter life. 

Academy Award winner: Best Supporting Actor—Coburn 

Academy Award nominee: 

• Best Picture 

• Best Actress—Arthur 

• Best Director—Stevens 

• Best Writing, Original Story—Frank Ross, Robert Russell 

• Best Writing, Screenplay—Richard Flournoy, Lewis R. Foster, Frank Ross, Robert Russell
overall: most highly recommended

 

Caddyshack (1980) - "Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe), a teen down on his luck, works as a caddy at the snob-infested Bushwood Country Club to raise money for his college education. In an attempt to gain votes for a college scholarship reserved for caddies, Noonan volunteers to caddy for a prominent and influential club member (Ted Knight). Meanwhile, Danny struggles to prepare for the high pressure Caddy Day golf tournament while absorbing New Age advice from wealthy golf guru Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)."
length: 1 hour, 38 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: it's a guaranteed mood-boost

    previously reviewed here, and mentioned another dozen times...
IMDB: 7.2/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 73% Audience: 87%
my IMDB: 8/10

AFI: 100 Years…100 Laughs (2000) #71 

    10 Top 10 (2008) Sports #7

MPAA rating: R

notable quote: "'Where'd it go?'

    'Right in the lumberyard.'" 

directed by: Harold Ramis

my notes: it's not supposed to be great cinema, just a good time. Chevy Chase is marvelous in this persona, believably and attractively loosey-goosey. Ted Knight had such a delightful presence, a way with the supercilious and over-the-top. Rodney Dangerfield (never my choice) was so unabashed and brave! It's one big funny, silly, ridiculous laugh. 

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I disagree.

overall: always recommended

Wrath of Man (2021) - "Having barely passed the qualification exam, taciturn, inscrutable, and physically intimidating Patrick Hill (just called "H") starts working for Fortico Security, an armoured vehicle company specialising in guarding and transporting millions of dollars across Los Angeles. But, in this business, nobodies like H are the prey and not the predators, and before long, armed-to-the-teeth assailants try to rob his truck, only to die at his hands with pinpoint accuracy, in a flawlessly orchestrated ballet of bullets and death. Indeed, there is more to H than meets the eye, making Fortico's instant hero someone you don't want to mess with. Whose side is he on?"
length: 1 hour, 59 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: I've seen a lot of martial arts and historicals lately, and wanted a more standard action film 

    previously reviewed here
IMDB: 7.1/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 68% Audience: 90%
my IMDB: 7/10

MPAA rating: R (sometimes I don't even bother verifying)

notable quote: "'What you want us to do?'

    'You can do whatever the fuck you like.'"

directed by: Guy Ritchie

my notes: bleak, black, dark. My favorite of Jason Statham's films are about revenge and redemption. They revolve around the heart at the center of a storm. This one is different. It's not about a heart, though it's not empty space, either. Hard to understand, harder to describe, this is an engrossing, fascinating movie. H is a deep, chilling cat. His colleagues at the armored car company are a little silly, very competitive, clearly scared and hiding it, and also bitter as Hell. My favorites of the cast, besides Statham: Eddie Marsan (mild, smart Terry), Gerald Tyler (small-role/big impression Armourer), Darrell D'Silva (unique Mike), and Babs Olusanmokun (frightened but cheeky Moggy). And Andy Garcia (Mr. King).

    The RogerEbert.com review is here, which I found funny (and accurate). 

[H's] cell phone’s ring tone is a sample from Wagner’s "Ride of the Valkyries", and there’s zero indication that H picked it because he thought it was funny. He looks like a guy who laughed four times in the 1990s and decided it wasn’t for him.

overall:  recommended

Wasabi (2001) - "Jean Reno stars as Hubert Fiorentini, a gruff, world-weary French police detective whose life takes an unexpected turn when he’s summoned to Japan for the reading of his former lover’s will. There, he learns that she has died under mysterious circumstances—and that he has a spirited teenage daughter he never knew existed. As Hubert tries to connect with her amid Tokyo’s chaotic energy, he’s drawn into a web of corruption and intrigue tied to her mother’s past, blending sharp action, fish-out-of-water comedy, and moments of surprising tenderness."
length: 1 hour, 34 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: it's been ages since I've seen it, and I was surprised to realize I hadn't reviewed it
IMDB: 6.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 44% Audience: 69%
my IMDB: 8/10

MPAA rating: R

notable quote: "'Does 'Takanawa' mean anything to you?'

    'Yes, of course!'

    'You will find him inside ... lying down. He and a few of his men were trying a holdup, so I had to ... dissuade them.'"

directed by: Gérard Krawczyk

my notes:  Wasabi is silly, stylized, violent chaos, and I love it. Jean Reno is baleful, world-weary Hubert, a cop with a serious anger management issue. This is revealed through his dramatically excessive punching and creative weaponry. See, e.g., the exquisite golf club scene (below). 

    I was charmed by Ryôko Hirosue as Yumi. She excels at a wide range of emotional work; the scene at the crematorium is brilliantly subtle. I also liked Michel Muller as Momo, a classic Reno sidekick with excellent timing and expression.

    Roger Ebert's review is here, with which I strongly disagree—even though it is hilariously written.

It is a thriller trapped inside a pop comedy set in Japan, and gives Reno a chirpy young co-star who bounces around him like a puppy on visiting day at the drunk tank. She plays his daughter, and he’s supposed to like her, but sometimes he looks like he hopes she will turn into an aspirin. 

overall:  happily recommended

 

 

[the title quotation is from Caddyshack]

my love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees

1. If you could have any view in the world visible from your bed, what would it be? 

    a backyard filled with wildflowers and trees—surrounded by a wall 50 feet high and embedded with razor wire and broken glass 

 

2. If you were to pick a city whose character best represents your own personality, which would you choose? 

     Lawrence, Kansas: bookish, goofy, foody, liberal, walk-friendly

 

3. If you could have a single button beside your bed that did one thing, what would you want it to do? 

    change the temperature inside the bed 

 

4. If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?

    there is no good answer to this question. There are easy answers that require no thought (e.g. Mein Kampf) and hard answers that reveal more about one's personality but are still, in essence, judgmental and pro-censorship—and none that satisfactorily grasp the spirit of the exercise. 

 

5. If you could have had one person in your life be less candid than they were (or are), who would it be? 

    Nick was candid to the point of brutality, albeit unintentionally. The guy used a snowplow where a spatula would do.  

 

6. If in order to save your life, someone you know had to donate their heart to you (without dying), whose heart would you want inside yourself? 

    my former physical therapist, the most open and sunny soul

 

7. If you could cause any single person to change their mind about one thing or on one topic, who would you pick?

    the current vice president of the United States.  

 

[from If2: 500 New Questions for the game of life; the title quotation is by Emily Brontë, from Wuthering Heights]