great wits are to madness near allied And thin partitions do their bounds divide

1. If you were to name the two sides of your personality that are most contradictory, what would you say? 

    composure and impatience. Most of the time, I'm pretty chill. I can be still. I can get hit with a lot, and simply absorb. I can take negative feedback, complaints, or misfortune, understand it, and not overreact.

    Some of the time, though, the emotional space is full, and I can't take any more. I've waited without complaining for a very long time, and then one more minute seems intolerable. I've gotten bad news for a while, but one more syllable is too much. I've suffered through someone's complaining for as long as I've known them, but then they catch me at the wrong time, when I'm not prepared for what's coming, and their bitching sets me off. 

    These two traits, and the contradiction between them, don't please me, and certainly don't add up to me being a fully actualized adult with no problems. It's a pain to be too patient, which can equate to passivity or worse. It's also hard to be anxious, easily set off, or seemingly random in response to everyday stuff. But hey, that's me.

2. If you were to select the person most in touch with their own feelings, who would it be? 

    I have a friend, a former coworker, who is very much in touch with their feelings. This is not all it's cracked up to be, though. They are bothered (or tormented) by their feelings almost as much as they are comforted. I think it's another area of life where moderation is key. Spending too much time focused on one's own feelings, and thereby not enough time focused on what to do with them, is dangerous and can feel like obsession. Getting out of one's own head, or heart, is vital to health and happiness.

3. If you were to remember one time when you truly transcended your material life, when would you say it was? 

    it was hardly intentional, but the period after I lost my job when I was living on savings and eBay sales heralded a transformation of my attitude about material things. I clearly couldn't afford to acquire any on my own, gifts from anyone else seemed like charity or condescension, and it started to feel incredibly good to unburden myself of the things that surrounded me. That focus on Less, or maybe the reduced focus on More, has persisted.

4. If you were to say there was a time in your life when your emotional attachment to someone was detrimental, when would it be? 

    the three years that I was involved with Nick. The reaction between us was strained, intense, and fraught. There was some positive stuff going on there, but it was overshadowed by all sorts of ugh. I deeply regret having had the opportunity to participate in that mess, much less the willingness and even eagerness to do so.

5. If you could awaken one aspect of your personality that you had as a child and feel that you have since lost, what would it be? 

    as a child I was more sunny and carefree, less insecure and solitary. I'd like to have any of that back again, and most of all to be carefree is a strongly appealing fantasy. Adulthood is about losing some of that, I think, because without the protection of parents we need to be more aware of dangers and intent upon keeping our own self safe and secure. It's also about determining how much help and security provided by another person, or a relationship, is enough, and how much is too much.

6. If you could relieve yourself of one burden in life, what would it be? 

    besides the need to make and have money? Someone I can rely on to be there when I really need them, without always needing to ask. Asking for help has to be one of the worst, hardest, most painful feelings in the world.

7. If you had to pick an occasion when your subconscious gave you the best guidance, when would it be? 

    the funny thing about introverts is that, however much they appreciate the company of other

introverts from time to time, they have a really hard time making the first connection. 'Cause, y'know, somebody's gotta go first, and it's practically in the definition of introversion that "going first" is anathema. With that in mind ... I went out of my way to talk with one of my colleagues in the cube farm job, because I thought she was really cool and because she seemed to keep herself clear of the ridiculous work dramas. That turned out to be true—she's great company!

 

[from If: Questions for the Soul; the title quotation is by John Dryden, from Absalom and Achitophel]

thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably

Average rating: 7.75. Good stuff!

Bull Durham (1988) - "In Durham, N.C., the Bulls minor league baseball team has one asset no other can claim: a poetry-loving groupie named Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon). As the team's season begins, Annie selects brash new recruit Ebby Calvin LaLoosh (Tim Robbins), whom she christens 'Nuke', to inspire with the religion of baseball. Nuke also receives guidance from veteran player Crash Davis (Kevin Costner), who settles Nuke's erratic pitching and teaches him to follow the catcher's lead."
length: 1 hour, 48 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: I saw an interview with Costner recently, and have been thinking (longingly) of this movie since then

    (previously described here, among many other posts)
IMDB: 7.0/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 97% Audience: 82%
my IMDB: 9/10

AFI:  100 Years…100 Laughs (2000) #97

    10 Top 10 (2008) Sports #5

MPAA rating: R

notable quote: "'How come you don't like me?'

    'Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. You got a gift.'

    'What do I got?'

    'You got a gift. When you were a baby, the gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a hall-of-fame arm, but you're pissing it away.'

    'I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; I got a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.'

    'Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everybody can hit a fastball!'

    'Well, how would you know? You been in the majors?'

    [pause] 'Yeah, I've been in the majors.'"

directed by: Ron Shelton

my notes: funny, sexy, and some surprisingly good baseball, plus poetry. Love it.

Academy Award nominee: Best Writing, Screenplay written directly for the screen—Ron Shelton
overall:  recommended

The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) - "Orson Welles' acclaimed drama follows two generations in a well-to-do Indianapolis family. Isabel Amberson receives a proposal from dashing Eugene (Joseph Cotten), but opts instead to marry boring Wilbur. Time passes, and Wilbur and Isabel's only son, George (Tim Holt), is loathed as a controlling figure in the town. When Wilbur dies, Eugene again proposes to Isabel, but George threatens the union. As George in turn courts the woman he wants to marry, a string of tragedies befalls the family."

length: 1 hour, 28 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from the public library
I watched it because: I'm in Orson Welles mode
IMDB: 7.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 89% Audience: 84%
my IMDB: 5/10

notable quote: "I know what your son is to you, and it frightens me. Let me explain a little. I don't think he'll change. At twenty-one or twenty-two, so many things appear solid and permanent and terrible. Which forty sees are nothing but disappearing miasma. Forty can't tell twenty about this. Twenty can find out only by getting to be forty."

MPAA rating: Approved (TV-PG)

directed by: Orson Welles

my notes: those Ambersons are not magnificent. The older men are ineffectual, the women are passive/passive-aggressive/enabling, and the younger man, George Amberson Minafer, is an overgrown toddler monster brat from Hell. 

    I think this is just a very outdated story that would have made sense when it came out but as time passes it becomes less and less logical or appealing. I liked the way it was filmed, which I'm coming to understand is 'Wellesian'. I liked the performance of Joseph Cotton (Eugene Morgan). Overall, though, it was not an enjoyable film for me.

Academy Award nominee:
• Best Picture

• Best Supporting Actress—Agnes Moorehead

• Best Cinematography, Black and White—Stanley Cortez

• Best Art Direction - Interior Decoration, Black and White—Albert S. D'Agostino, A. Roland Fields, Darrell Silvera
overall:  recommended for completists

Gilda (1946) - "Johnny Farrell (Glenn Ford) is a small-time American gambler, newly arrived in Buenos Aires, Argentina. When he is caught cheating at a game of blackjack, Farrell manages to talk his way into a job with the casino's owner, the powerful Ballin Mundson (George Macready). The two form an uneasy partnership based off their mutual lack of scruples until Mundson introduces Farrell to his beautiful new wife, Gilda (Rita Hayworth), who just happens to be Farrell's ex-lover."
length: 1 hour, 50 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from the public library
I watched it because: it's on an alternative best list
IMDB: 7.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 90% Audience: 89%
my IMDB: 8/10

notable quote: "'Got a light?'

    'Yes, Mrs. Mundson. It is so crowded and yet so lonely, isn't it?'

    'How did you know?'

    'You smoke too much. I've noticed. Only frustrated people smoke too much, and only lonely people are frustrated.'"

MPAA rating: Approved (TV-PG)

directed by: Charles Vidor

my notes: marvelous! Catty, tricky, and sexy. Hayworth was wonderful, proud and vulnerable. Ford was solid, handsome, and arrogant. And George Macready plays a marvelous sort of character, much more complicated than he seemed. I liked it a lot.

overall:  strongly recommended

Much Ado about Nothing (1993) - "In this Shakespearean farce, Hero (Kate Beckinsale) and her groom-to-be, Claudio (Robert Sean Leonard), team up with Claudio's commanding officer, Don Pedro (Denzel Washington), the week before their wedding to hatch a matchmaking scheme. Their targets are sharp-witted duo Benedick (Kenneth Branagh) and Beatrice (Emma Thompson)—a tough task indeed, considering their corresponding distaste for love and each other. Meanwhile, meddling Don John (Keanu Reeves) plots to ruin the wedding."
length: 1 hour, 51 minutes

source: I own the DVD
I watched it because: I wanted something light to play while working on something tedious
IMDB: 7.3/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 90% Audience: 86%
my IMDB: 9/10

notable quote: "I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?"

MPAA rating: PG-13

directed by: Kenneth Branagh

my notes: I love this movie. Beautifully filmed in a gorgeous setting, it is a pleasure just to look at. The cast is really good—except the wooden Don John (Reeves) and the insane, gibberish-spouting Dogberry (Michael Keaton). It makes me sigh, and sing along ("men were deceivers, ever"), and tear up just a little bit.

overall:  highly recommended

 

[the title quotation is from Much Ado about Nothing]

we owe to each other a terrible and tragic loyalty

1. What animal are you the most like? 

    as much as I'd like to be a cat, I'm much more like a dog than anything else. A little lazy, love to be crooned to and gently scratched and petted. Curious, kinda dumb sometimes. Prone to barking when afraid. Not fond of yelling or unexpected movement or bigger dogs. Like to ride in the car. Highly affectionate and born to be stupidly loyal and protective. Requires attention.

2. How often do you get a haircut?

    every 3-4 months, lately. It's quite long now, longer than it's been since my 20s, and therefore doesn't need to be touched up as often. I'm not prone to split ends and wear it cut bluntly, so it's pretty easy to maintain.

    Describe your worst haircut. 

    anything short. My face looks ridiculous with short hair. The most notorious example was in junior high, a confluence of bad length, style, and color. I couldn't grow that out fast enough.

3. Are you most likely to finish your taxes as soon as you receive your W-2s or as close to April 15 as possible? 

    somewhere in between. Definitely not right away, since I've learned that W2s are sometimes amended and it's a pain in the ass to refile taxes because HR made a mistake. I generally prepare them mid-March or so.

    How many times have you filed for an extension? 

    never. It just doesn't take that long, or that much work, to prepare my returns. Not much in, not much out.

    How many times have you paid someone else to prepare your return? 

    once. It was the first year we were married, we'd lived in two states (each), and we had I think 7 W2s and a 1099-NEC (well, at the time it would have been reported on a 1099-MISC, but you get the idea). In other words, it was far too complex to sort it out ourselves, so we paid someone else to do it.

4. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? 

    it's sort of funny considering that I spend most of my time on my own, but I don't think I'd do well in solitary for even a moment. I don't like to be constrained in any way, a feeling that gets worse as I get older. I think it's a combination of disliking being controlled, along with recognizing discomfort with/intolerance for small spaces. I'm not claustrophobic exactly, but I certainly wouldn't choose to be in a small, locked room. It would probably make me panic, inconsolably. 

5. What's your favorite item to cook? 

    Puerto Rican Chicken Fricassee. It looks much more complex than it is, and always turns out perfectly delicious.

    (No, I won't share a picture or a recipe. It's a family treasure!)

6. What makes you tick? 

    I love to nap when it's a little bit cool, covered with loads of blankets and all wrapped up, burrowed in with just part of my face showing. 

    (I do realize this is intended in a different metaphorical direction.)

7. Whose autographs have you collected? 

    a handful of professional golfers', and a semi-famous musician or two

 

[from The Complete Book of Questions : 1001 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion; the title quotation is by G.K. Chesterton, from The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton Volume 28: The Illustrated London News, 1908-1910]

infused With blood of meteors

My love, you know that I have never used 

That fluency of colour smooth and rich 

Could cage you in enamel for the niche 

Whose heart-shape holds you; I have been accused 

Of gold and silver trickery, infused 

With blood of meteors, and moonstones which 

Are cold as eyeballs in a flooded ditch; 

In no such goblin smithy are you bruised. 

 

I do not glaze a lantern like a shell 

Inset with stars, nor make you visible 

Through jewelled arabesques which adhere to clothe 

The outline of your soul; I am content 

To leave you an uncaptured element; 

Water, or light, or air that's stained by both. 

 

 [Elinor Wylie {1885-1928} 'Unfinished Portrait']

it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of you

1. If you could inherit a comfortable home in any city in the world that you could use but not sell, where would you want it to be? 

    Miami, Florida. I know, there's loads of wrong with that—the state is a cesspool, Miami is crime-ridden and somewhat seedy, there are more beautiful/accessible/quiet places to spend time. Blah blah blah. The descent toward MIA the first time I visited was a revelation, felt like coming home, and has stuck with me since. If I could have a house there, even to visit just once a year, I'd be happy as a pig in mud. Just to be able to look at that sky, that water, that architecture so different from that to which I am accustomed...it sounds like heaven.

    NOTE: well, if you ever wondered about the pros and cons of pre-posting, this is an excellent example. I hope it's obvious that this answer was drafted before Hurricane Milton made himself known and threatened the U.S., and that my natural flippancy was written more innocently than it seems now.

2. If you had to eliminate one odor from the earth, which one would you get rid of? 

    pet food. Not sure what the ingredient is, but something about it makes me gag every time I smell it. It's force of will alone that keeps me from vomiting every time.

3. If you could relive one romantic date from high school just as it was, which would it be? 

     this made me laugh out loud. A "romantic" date from high school?? Whomever wrote this prompt must have lived a different high school experience than mine. 

    The most romantic situation I was in, I suppose, was a marathon phone call with my 10th grade boyfriend, when we sketched an idealized picture of how we wanted our lives to turn out (together, of course). Prince was involved, perhaps playing (live) quietly in the background, and it all took place in a sort of secluded meadow or glen, and featured the colors blue and green extensively. 

    Coincidentally, that bf happens to have friended me on FB less than a month ago. There's been no resumption of that fantasy-talk, thank goodness, just grown up friendship from a long distance.   

4. If you could sing any one song beautifully and perfectly, which one would you pick? 

    "Untitled" by R.E.M., from Green

5. If you were to receive a letter today from anyone you have known during your lifetime, who would it be from and what would it say?

    I'd love to get a real letter from a certain person that I used to date. As for what it would say, that would have to depend on that person, right? That's the part of it that I really want—to know what they would choose to write.

6. If you could be a guest on any television talk show, which would it be? 

    The Graham Norton Show. Graham is smart, hilarious, well-informed, a little cheeky, and has a brilliant way of putting his guests at ease (and it's not just the booze). The unexpected chemistry between guests is wonderful and has resulted in some of my favorite things to watch. (See, e.g., Greg Davies+Ryan Gosling, and this example of fans' fascination with the couch pairings).

7. If you could relive one single day from your past exactly as it was the first time, what day would you choose to experience all over again? 

    the first day of getting to know the person in #5, above. Have you ever met someone and felt like you've known them forever, yet also wanted nothing more than to know everything else about them? It was a troubling sort of intensity and communion that I've never experienced with anyone else.

 

[from If...Questions for the Game of Life; the title quotation is by Charlotte Brontë, from Jane Eyre]

life always has an unhappy ending, but you can have a lot of fun along the way, and everything doesn't have to be dripping in deep significance

    This is the first of several (seven?) posts that springs from an article, essentially listing "the most [x] book I've read." Having worked through the list in book form (e.g. here), I've decided to do the same with movies.   

 

The most beautiful movie I saw: The Water Diviner (2014)

    Directed by and starring Russell Crowe, filmed on location in Turkey and Australia, this is a gorgeous, luminous movie whose visuals have stuck in my mind since I first saw it (reviewed here).

 

The most dangerous movie I saw: The Man from Nowhere (2010)

   I like martial arts and action movies that involve some emotional payoff, some sort of connection to be made or preserved. This is one of the best. It is also intensely violent, sometimes a necessity where such a connection is threatened.

    (reviewed here)

 

The most exotic movie I saw: Monsoon Wedding (2001) 

    This is a world unlike anything I've ever experienced. There is very little red and almost no orange in my world—and this film is filled with it. 

    (reviewed here).

 

The most familiar movie I saw: Mystic Pizza (1988) 

    This is the hardest prompt of the whole list, I think, because there are so many good options. Some of the others include Manhunter (1986), Beautiful Girls (1996), Caddyshack (1980), and Young Frankenstein (1974). I chose this film, though, both because it's one I've seen dozens of times and because it feels like part of who I am and what I love about movies.

    (reviewed here)

 

The most luminous movie I saw: Sunset Boulevard (1950)

    Known as the best movie ever made about making movies, this is the sort of film that knocks the viewer upside the head and opens their eyes. I was spellbound—especially by the beautiful lighting and innovative camera angles. It is outstanding.

    (reviewed here)

 

 [based on this post; the title quotation is from Roger Ebert]

often a sweetness has come and changed nothing in the world except the way I stumbled through it

Just when it has seemed I couldn’t bear 

one more friend 

waking with a tumor, one more maniac 

with a perfect reason, often a sweetness 

has come 

and changed nothing in the world 

except the way I stumbled through it, 

for a while lost 

in the ignorance of loving 

someone or something, the world shrunk 

to mouth-size, 

hand-size, and never seeming small. 

I acknowledge there is no sweetness 

that doesn’t leave a stain, 

no sweetness that’s ever sufficiently sweet .... 

Tonight a friend called to say his lover 

was killed in a car 

he was driving. His voice was low 

and guttural, he repeated what he needed 

to repeat, and I repeated 

the one or two words we have for such grief 

until we were speaking only in tones. 

Often a sweetness comes 

as if on loan, stays just long enough 

to make sense of what it means to be alive, 

then returns to its dark 

source. As for me, I don’t care 

where it’s been, or what bitter road 

it’s traveled 

to come so far, to taste so good. 

 

[Stephen Dunn {1939-2021} 'Sweetness', from New and Selected Poems 1974-1994]

I'd like to get back to the beach.

1. What have you been putting off doing that you should be doing now? 

    I'm waiting for work, which is far and away the most annoying thing about my current career. We are at the mercy of an annoying hierarchy of people making decisions, and sometimes those decisions are very badly coordinated. I am (contractually) committed to being available for work during work hours, but there is no correlated commitment to either provide work or to pay for the down-time. It is frustrating, but does not happen often and is sort of understandable. 

    So there's nothing that I could be doing besides waiting, and so writing is completely reasonable under the circumstances. 

2. What's your favorite golden oldie song from any decade before you were born? 

    "Nevertheless" by the Mills Brothers. (Might as well choose a song from far before I was born!)

3. What five words or phrases in the English language would you like to lock in a box before throwing away the key? 

    a. "Loop" (because derivations of this word have choked the life out of business communications, e.g. loop in, close the loop, loop back)

    b. "Honestly..." (because if you have to point out when you're being honest, I don't ever want to hear anything that you say)

    c. "It is what it is" (because it is useless babble)

    d. "Laser focused" (because excessively exaggerated hyperbole is always and forever preferable to simple accuracy)

    e. "Don't take this the wrong way..." (because it's all but guaranteed that what follows will be thoroughly and intentionally offensive—and that any reaction that one could possibly give is mined with explosives and disaster)

4. "It's not what you know, it's who you know." Is that true? 

     that probably is true for people of a certain socioeconomic class, for those who live in certain geographic areas, and for some who work in particular fields. If you're rich, trying to succeed in the world of the rich-er, it's probably impossible to succeed without help from someone who can pull you up. If you live in a very big city, where the competition for absolutely everything is a little more fierce (or where the options are so vast that getting lost in the details is so likely), it's probably a big boost to have someone else's sponsorship, so to speak. And if one is an actor, singer, songwriter, visual artist, and so forth, then knowing someone who knows those who can buy what you're selling is imperative.

    For the rest of us, it's far less useful, and far less likely anyway. Nobody I know is capable or inspired to do that sort of intentional 'mentoring.'

5. What are the most northerly and southerly points you've visited on a world map? 

    E.C., in the cheese state, and Miami, Florida—if my estimations are correct

6. How many scout knots can you tie?

    I used to know a guy who was a sailor, the "weekend on a fancy vessel with actual
sails"sort of sailor and not a "works on a ship to make money" kind of guy. He's also kind of an obnoxious, pretentious ass. He is convinced (or pretends to be) that everyone needs to know how to tie knots in order to survive everyday life. He taught me to tie a complex knot by giving verbal directions, and I succeeded...and then promptly forgot.

    So, in answer to this question, I could tie one knot, at one time, but no longer. And it has nothing to do with scouts.

7. Which character from show you watched as a kid brings back the happiest memories, and why? 

    Dr. Sidney Freedman, from M*A*S*H. Funny, thoughtful, smart, and the window through which other characters were seen in a different way.

 

[from 3000 Unique Questions about Me; the title quotation is by 'Sidney Freedman', from M*A*S*H]

like the sharks, mad with their own blood, chewin' away at their own selves

In the retro mood again. Average score: 7.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) - "In New York City, a criminal gang led by the ruthless 'Mr. Blue' (Robert Shaw) hijacks a subway car and threatens to start shooting one passenger per minute unless they receive a million dollars in cash from the city within an hour. On the other end of the line, crusty veteran transit policeman Zachary Garber (Walter Matthau) has his hands full dealing with the mayor's office and his hotheaded fellow cops, while also trying to deliver the ransom before the deadline expires."
length: 1 hour, 44 minutes

source: streamed on PlutoTV
I watched it because: I'd seen it before but not since I saw the remake (not reviewed), and I wanted something action-packed
IMDB: 7.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 98% Audience: 88%
my IMDB: 8/10

notable quote: "'Will you go back and mind the passengers, please? I do not want Mr. Brown and Mr. Grey left alone with them.'

    'Don't you trust them?'

    'I trust Mr. Brown, I do not trust Mr. Grey. I think he's an enormous, arrogant pain in the ass who could turn out to be trouble. I also think that he is mad. Why do you think they threw him out of the Mafia?'

    'Oh, terrific.'"

MPAA rating: R

directed by: Joseph Sargent

my notes: this is an outstanding film. Oddly characterized as a dark comedy, it is incredibly tense (wonderful directing and editing), brilliantly acted (notably Walter Matthau, Jerry Stiller, and especially Robert Shaw), and perfectly paced. It ought to be an example in theater and acting classes, for how to portray tension without grimness (Matthau's Zachary Garber), intelligence without just being smug (Stiller's Rico Patrone), and menace without overacting (Shaw's Blue). And the final scene...superb, prehaps the best in cinema.

overall:  recommended

Bell Book and Candle (1958) - "In the late 1950s, Gillian Holroyd (Kim Novak) is a modern-day witch living in New York City's Greenwich Village. When she encounters charming publisher Shepherd Henderson (James Stewart), she decides to make him hers by casting a love spell. Gillian takes added pleasure in doing so because Henderson is engaged to her old college rival (Janice Rule). However, Gillian finds herself actually falling for Shepherd, which poses a problem: She will lose her powers if she falls in love."

length: 1 hour, 46 minutes

source: streamed on TubiTV
I watched it because: it was on my watchlist
IMDB: 6.8/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 76% Audience: 66%
my IMDB: 5/10

notable quote: "'Are you trying to say you're... jilting me?'

    ''W-well, that's a very heavy word, Merle. It's a very heavy word. Let's just say that we're... uncoupling."

MPAA rating: Approved (TV-PG)

directed by: Richard Quine

my notes: it's not terrible, exactly, but it's a mess. Jimmy Stewart was clearly too old for this role; he turned 50 during the filming, and was playing a sort of young gent-about-town. In stark contrast, Kim Novak was 25. It's cringe-inducing. Novak's eyebrows just about stole the show (overall the makeup is terrible), the story itself is unnecessarily convoluted, the acting is hit or miss, and ultimately I realized that the only part of it I really like is the cat.

Academy Award nominee:
• Best Art Direction - Set Decoration—Cary Odell, Louis Diage
• Best Costume Design—Jean Louis

overall: not recommended

 

Letter from an Unknown Woman (1948) - "In early 20th-century Vienna, Stefan Brand (Louis Jourdan) is about to leave the city because he faces a duel that he wants no part of. However, before he can do so, he gets an anonymous love letter that changes his life. Though Stefan is moved by what he reads, he doesn't realize that it was written by Lisa Berndle (Joan Fontaine), a young woman he has known but disregarded for most of his life. When he finally figures out who his admirer is, it may be too late to prevent a tragedy."
length: 1 hour, 27 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from the public library
I watched it because: I found it on an alternative best-list
IMDB: 7.9/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 100% Audience: 85%
my IMDB: 8/10

notable quote: "'What do you do when you've climbed a mountain?'

    'You come back down.'"

MPAA rating: Approved

directed by: Max Ophüls

my notes: sad, sad, sad. Excellent performances from Jourdan (this was my first of his films) and especially Fontaine, who is able to lose herself and her glamour into a character remarkably. I also loved John, the mute butler, played by Art Smith. However, I never need to see this again! It broke my heart.

overall:  recommended

The Lady from Shanghai (1947) - "Michael O'Hara (Orson Welles) comes to the aid of a woman being mugged and is subsequently enchanted by her beauty and enigmatic story as he escorts her to her destination. Soon after the event, O'Hara finds employment aboard a yacht owned by the brilliant, unethical, and disabled trial lawyer Arthur Bannister (Everett Sloane)—the husband to O'Hara's mystery woman, Elsa (Rita Hayworth). O'Hara senses a setup when Arthur's shifty associate Grisby (Glenn Anders) joins the pleasure cruise and both men seem to facilitate relations between O'Hara and Elsa. Unwilling to abandon Elsa, O'Hare ensnares himself in a complex murder and fraud scheme in which none of the participants are what they appear to be. Something resembling the truth is revealed in the celebrated 'hall of mirrors' showdown."
length: 1 hour, 27 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from the public library
I watched it because: it appears on a best movies of all time list
IMDB: 7.5/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 86% Audience: 84%
my IMDB: 7/10

notable quote: "Once, off the hump of Brazil, I saw the ocean so darkened with blood it was black, and the sun fainting away over the lip of the sky. We'd put in at Fortaleza, and a few of us had lines out for a bit o' idle fishin'. It was me had the first strike. A shark, it was. Then there was another, and another shark again... 'til all about, the sea was made of sharks, and more sharks, still, and no water at all. My shark had torn himself from the hook, and the scent, or maybe the stain, it was, and him bleeding his life away, drove the rest of them mad. Then the beasts got to eatin' each other. In their frenzy, they ate at themselves. You could feel the lust of murder like a wind stinging your eyes, and you could smell the death, reeking up out of the sea. I never saw anything worse... until this little picnic tonight. And you know, there wasn't one of them sharks in the whole crazy pack that survived."

MPAA rating: Approved (TV-PG?!)

directed by: Welles

my notes: atmospheric, tense, and beautiful. Welles was an excellent director, if strange and apparently impossible to work with. This film is way better to watch (with your eyes) than to listen to, despite a pretty good script and a few decent actors. The bad guys are easy to pick out because they "talk like bad guys." Still, there's some anti-hero and double-crossing going on, which keeps it interesting. It's worth seeing.

overall:  recommended

 

[the title quotation is from The Lady from Shanghai]

nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it

1. What room in your house best reflects your personality? 

    when you live alone, and if you're doing it right, each room will reflect at least some part of your personality. Also, being a move-r rather than a stay-er, makes this question less applicable to me. Nothing that I have, no setup that I've created, is permanent. 

    For descriptive purposes only, then: in this house, at the moment anyway, my office best reflects my personality. It is small, there's a lot of photographs on the walls (a dozen? Maybe 20?) all of water, it's messy, and there are a few too many plants. It's a multi-purpose room, being an actual working office and also the place where paper goes to die, containing most of my remaining books, and also housing my distressingly large stationery collection. It has some issues, mainly that the door used to have a mirror so it's both nail-marked and light faded (ugh), there were some rather large nail holes in the walls when I moved in, and the carpeting is stained with what looks like actual wood stain. The room needs serious, tender rehabilitation—just like my personality.

    [For what it's worth, I had planned to include a couple of photos to illustrate all this, but frankly the room is a disaster area of a mess and contains some stuff that is both private and impractically difficult to move. You'll just need to imagine it.]

2. When you travel, do you pack too much or too little? 

    yep, every time—either too much or too little, never just what I needed. Having a Kindle, though, has saved me many times: no more lugging several extra books just in case. I tend to over-pack underclothes and under-pack tops. Bottoms are usually workable. Shoes can be complicated too, especially if I'm going to have the opportunity to work out. That also exponentially increases the quantity of shirts, shorts, and socks required. It's a challenge!

3. What are your best or worst childhood memories of going to a zoo or circus? 

    this prompt makes me laugh. Most of the world doesn't live within easy distance of a zoo, and circuses are not exactly thick on the ground either. 

    When I was growing up, there was a very small zoo, more like an "animal collection", in the bigger city to the southeast. There are pictures of family visits there with my mom's favorite sister and her family, but I don't actually remember anything about it except that we called the place Monkey Island. One of my grade school classes (maybe 6th?) visited the larger zoo near the state capitol. As an adult I've been to a couple more, notably in the big city on the Flat and in Toledo, Ohio.

    The only circus experience I've ever even been near was detailed in this post from (gulp) 20 years ago.

4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how computer savvy are you?     

    7

5. When you fly, do you prefer to arrive at the airport extra early or get there just in the nick of time? 

    early but not crazy-early. I'm not an enthusiastic flier and anticipate it with some trepidation but experience it with quiet stoicism. However, I do enjoy people-watching, and there's rarely a better place to do that than airports. It was far more emotionally rewarding in the days of loose security, because one had more access to other travelers both coming and going, but it's still pretty fantastic. The highs and lows of the human experience are enhanced by time pressure, bureaucracy, crappy food at exorbitant prices, poorly designed seating, hauling ungainly luggage through ridiculously unsuitable circumstances (crowds, lines for food, tiny restroom stalls...), and so on. It's a lot to go through, and weirdly fun to watch.

6. Was there ever a time when it turned out you were right, in spite of many others who thought otherwise? 

    yep, when I initiated the divorce. That was a wholly unpopular decision that was supported, in truth, by a couple of friends only. My therapist thought I was nuts (but of course did not say that), my family was shocked and furious and hurt, and the majority of my friends were, let's call it 'disbelieving'. But I was right, and I knew it—or I couldn't have thought about it, much less done it, in the first place. And it was objectively right, too. Neither of us ever expressed any wish to undo it, which is all the proof I need.

7. Do you say "goodbye" quickly, slowly, or not at all?

    I'm a goodbye-er but it seems to be a dying art. People can't, or won't, take the time anymore. ...except that it's a meme in the place where I'm from.

 

[from The Complete Book of Questions : 1001 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion; the title quotation is by W. Somerset Maugham, from The Razor’s Edge]

kingdom of scribble and linger

Whirr. The invisible sponsored again by white 

walls—a joining in them and then (dark spot) 

(like the start of a thought) 

a corner, fertilized by shadow, hooked, dotted, 

here demurring, there—up there—

almost hot with black … What time is it? 

The annihilation. The chaste middle of things. 

Then I hear them, whoever they are, as if 

inside my wall, as if there were a multitude of tiny wings trapped 

inside the studs and joints. 

The clock dial hums. Greenish glow and twelve stark dots 

round which this supple, sinewed, blackest flesh 

must roil—vertebrate. A moaning now—a human moan—and then 

another cry—but small—

furry in the way the wall can hold it—no 

regret—a cry like a hypothesis—another 

cry—the first again?—but not as in 

dialogue—no—no question in it, 

no having heard—now both—no moods in that room—

no fate—cries the precipitate of something on the verge of—

all of it supple now, threadbare in this black we share, 

little whelps, vanquishing, discoveries, here under this rock, 

no, over here, inside this sky, or is it below?—paupers, spoors—

a common grave—the backbone still glowing green—

and blackness, and the sense of walls, and the voicing they 

provide, and my stillness here—unblinking—I am almost afraid 

to move—and the litheness of this listening—

gossipy murmuring syllables now rushing up the scales, 

but not really toward, not really away, 

as if the thing deepened without increase, 

the weight of the covers upon me, 

the weight of the black, the slack and heaving argument of gravity—

and her, quavering, lingering—

and him—what had been mossy suddenly clawed—

and everything now trying to arrive on time, ten thousand invisible things all 

braided in, fast—appetite, the clatter of wheels upon tracks, 

the rustling—what did I lose?—what was it 

like?—the weight of covers now upon me like the world's shut lid, 

shut fast—not opening—

and cries, and cries, and something that will not come true. 

When I stand up, pulling the heavy bedclothes back, 

I want to open up the black. 

Water sounds in the pipes between us. 

A raised voice. Some steps. 

More water in the singing pipes. 

And scuffling. And the clocking of their light going off … 

Debris of silences inside the silence. 

Black gorged with absences. Room like an eyelid spanked open 

wide, I rip it, I rip it further—as if inside it now the million 

tiny slippages could go to work, the whistling of absence 

where the thing should care for us—

where justice shifts and reshifts the bits to make tomorrow—

tirelessly—kingdom of scribble and linger…. What do you 

want, you, listening here with me now? Inside the monologue, 

what would you insert? What word? 

What mark upon the pleating blackness of hotel air? 

What, to open it? To make it hear you. To make it hear me. 

How heavy can the singleness become? 

Who will hear us? What shall we do? 

I have waited all this time in the sooty minutes, 

green gleaming bouquet offering and offering itself 

right to my unrelenting open eyes, 

long black arm tendering its icy blossoms up to me, 

right through the blizzard of instances, the blurry 

blacknesses, the whole room choked with the thousand spots my glance has struck—

Long ago, long ago, and then, secondhand, this place which is now, 

whirr—immortal? free?—glances like flames licking the walls … 

Oh blackness, I am your servant. I take for mine your green, exactest gift 

in which you say yourself, in which you say 

only yourself. 

 

[Jorie Graham {1950- }, 'In the Hotel (3:17 a.m.)', printed in The New Yorker]

take it easy, but take it

1. Do you think we'd be better or worse off if we always knew when we were being deceived? How might society be different if everyone had to tell the truth all the time? 

    Logically, if we always knew when we were being deceived, then we would never be deceived. The question, then, becomes "Do you think we'd be better or worse off if we were never deceived?" Because everyone could tell the truth or not, and the telling would not matter—the truth would be known, regardless.

    Is deception inherently bad? Does it serve any social or emotional purpose? Should people who don't tell the truth be shot on sight?

    It obviously serves a purpose. It feels good to tell a small lie ("it's delicious!") where the actual truth ("the food that you just made, especially for me, does not taste good") does nothing but hurt the recipient. This is the "does my butt look big in this dress" quality of untruth: if your significant other asks that question while wearing the dress, preparing to go to a party, there is NO value in telling the truth (which is opinion anyway, not fact). The time for revelations like that is not ripe. 

    There is also an emotional value to deception. Imagine being out with a work friend, not long after suffering a breakup. The friend asks how you're doing, knowing that something's been wrong but not having the details. "I'm good, thanks!" feels good to say, when the last thing you want to do is wallow, and when being out with friends distracts from the sadness. It might not be strictly true, but maybe it's a start.

2. If you could use a device to create a minute-by-minute archive of precisely where you'd been, would you? If so, what would you do with it, and would anything worry you about others getting the information? 

    I absolutely would, but it would be scrubbed regularly to delete all the non-essential, embarrassing, or depressing content. Which would, on the average day, leave nothing behind. Most peoples' lives are a quiet hum of normal, interspersed with brief interruptions of fun, exciting, disturbing, or noteworthy (for example). Nobody needs a permanent record of me making tea for the millionth time, or repotting plants, or standing at the closet door internally whining that I have nothing to wear. However, there are lots of things in life whose significance we do not recognize until later. That sunset, so stunning that we walked outside to silently view it, together? That meal, the one that turned out particularly well—how, exactly, did I customize the recipe? The particularly endearing compliment, brushed off in the moment? The last time you reached out to hold my hand? The last of anything, really. I would love to be able to review those moments.

    Would anything worry me about others getting the information? Well, if that would be the case, then I ought to be worried about doing it in the first place. 

3. Do you believe in capital punishment? Would you be willing to pull the switch to execute a man sentenced to death if you were randomly selected by the courts to do so and knew he would go free if you refused? Assume you know nothing about his crime. 

    yes, I believe in capital punishment. I believe that there are actions that a person can take, decisions that a person can make, that are so bad that nothing, no other punishment, will serve. 

    The second question is stupidly implausible—he would go free if the random, putative switch-flipper got squeamish???—but equally stupidly easy to answer: Yes, I would. Switch-flipping, like jury duty, like driving on the right side of the road, like not "randomly" punching someone else in the face when they irritate me, is all part of the social contract: the price we pay for living in an 'evolved' society, where we can anticipate that others will participate and behave that way, too.

4. What is the most outrageous thing you've ever done? Do you look back on it more with pleasure or regret? 

    the most outrageous thing that I would share here is to fly to Dallas for a weekend with a man I'd never met in person. At the time, it made sense; looking back on it now, it seems completely insane. For what it's worth, he turned out to be a really good guy, and we are still close friends. I look back on it with even greater pleasure than I experienced at the time. It was a dumb idea that turned out completely fine.

5. You need to have dangerous brain surgery and must choose between two surgeons: one extremely gifted but a dishonest jerk; the other less skilled but very honest and friendly. Who would you pick?

    I would choose the second one, but certainly not because of "friendliness." Honesty is necessary in medical care. Whether someone is a jerk or not is beside the point; some doctors ARE jerks BECAUSE they are good at their job, and know it, and are unconcerned about the finer points of human interaction. I'm not seeing a doctor because they are soft and squishy and make me feel loved. If I want that, I will visit a cat. (Read, in this article, the sections relating to 'Orange' personality types, of which brain surgeons tend to be a prime example.)

6. A good friend pulls off a well-conceived practical joke, as only someone who really knows you could, and makes you look completely ridiculous. How would you react? Would it matter if you knew that they pulled the prank to make you see a side of yourself that you were blind to? 

    I would be absolutely furious and deeply hurt. Any "good" friend of mine would realize that making me look completely ridiculous would mortify me. 

    Also, if they did this specifically to SHOW me a side of myself that I'm blind to, I would cut them from my life, immediately and completely. Use your fucking words, you arrogant asshole, and don't do something hurtful, especially in public, that you could accomplish privately and from a perspective of friendship and kindness.

7. You and someone you love deeply are placed in separate rooms, each with a button next to you. You each know that you both will be killed unless one of you presses your button in the next 60 minutes. You also know that the first to hit the button will save the other, but immediately die. What would you do? 

    press the button as soon as I can get my hand on it

 

[from The Book of Questions; the title quotation is from Woody Guthrie]

close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust

That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

[Paulo Coelho, from The Zahir]