we all sort of figured this before, right?

I am SO going to Hell.
The "elders" are doing a project for me - pulling old plastic covers off of book jackets so we can replace them with fresh ones - and I just caught myself flirting with one of them. He's an infant (i.e. 18-y-o-ish) and too pretty to be man-handsome.
I clearly need a lot more sleep than I'm getting.
Tomorrow used to be a day away
Now your love is gone and you're into someone far away
I never thought the day would come
When I would see his hand not mine
Holding on to yours because I could not
Find the time
And now I can't deny
Nothing lasts forever
But I don't wanna leave and see the teardrops in your eyes
I don't wanna live to see the day we say goodbyeI'm reading a book - A Cook's Tour by Anthony Bourdain - that has me a little off-center. On the surface it's just a food memoir, a travelogue about seeking the perfect meal. Beneath that, though, is a very strong sense of unease and discontent that has pervaded my subconscious since I started reading it. It's just flat-out troubling. Bourdain allegedly set out (with the Food Network behind him) to eat his way around the world, but not too far into his travels, he realized that his real, internal goal was a sort of peaceful 'happiness' that he had not known since childhood. I see a lot of myself in his discontented wanderings, so it's been a tough road so far (just past halfway through the book). I should finish it this weekend - I'll let you know how it turns out.
Now there comes another fallen life
I come alone
Sitting at a bar with Chris that I can't leave
'Cause my house ain't no home
I just wanna touch you girl
I wanna feel you close to me
Without your love I would give up now
And walk away so easily
So maybe while we're gone
We'll figure out together
That even with the pain there's a remedy
We'll be all right
I don't wanna live to see the day we say goodbyeLooks like I'll be making another trip north sooner rather than later. The car repairs, while necessary, were not sufficient. My car has been sluggish to start for the past couple of days. Consultation with a friend who knows engines led me to understand that the problem is likely supplemental to those that were solved in the earlier repairs, and that the symptoms of this problem were masked by the others. In other words, there was no way to know that this was also wrong until the other problems were fixed. Great, huh? The good news (which isn't all that good) is that it's a relatively inexpensive repair.
When I first met you I couldn't love anyone
But you stole my dreams and you made me see that
I can walk into the sun and I could still be me
And now I can't deny
Nothing lasts forever
But I don't wanna leave and see the teardrops in your eyes
So maybe while we're gone
Lets figure out together
That even with the pain there's a remedy, oh,
And we'll be alright
I don't wanna live to see the day we say goodbye
We say goodbye
Oh, goodbye
GoodbyeI told the "why I am not a lawyer" story today, for the first time in a while. It sounds increasingly strange, as if I'm describing someone who I used to know rather than myself. Perhaps that's true now. That bit does not make me sad. Wistful, maybe. It's not as if I used to think that I could be somebody, and it turns out that I'm nobody. I am infinitely happier now than I can imagine having been as an attorney, under any circumstances. I just wonder, sometimes, what it might have been like. Not having to worry about money. Being a part of a different social class. Receiving that automatic classist 'in' that comes with the role. Arguing for a living. Signing "Esq." after my name without irony.