it is not at all simple to understand the simple

I had a l-o-n-g post started, probably two screens' worth already, with at least that much more to work through. I've thought better of blathering it all out in long form. Here are the highlights:
  • my last couple of weeks have been far more drama-filled than usual

  • it started with an example of my extreme reluctance to enforce personal boundaries with people who want badly to be friends with me--I just never trust it

  • that was followed by someone I know behaving abominably toward some other people I like very much. I know that I hold my friends to extraordinarily high standards (y'all do pretty well, even so), but this was outrageous and truly unforgivable.

  • after one calm day (during which those who were betrayed in the situation above managed to knit their peace of mind back together), one of my bffs broke her shoulder. She will be out of work for at least 5 weeks and is still in a lot of pain. It sucks to be powerless to help.

  • the next day, someone that I like a lot tried to (offered to?)...make a date for me, in awkward circumstances. Because I was amused and touched by the offer (not really by the date), I did not refuse it outright, but also did not immediately accept.

  • I worked a extra half-shift the following day, volunteering, helping out a friend whose special project needed a couple more arms and a brain. Afterward, she came over for a much-needed drink and unwind.

  • the weekend was a blur of laundry. Everything I owned needed to be cleaned. Happily, the weather was utterly perfect, so the windows were open and I was reading and drinking tea throughout.

  • the place where I spend most of my time is in the usual state of mayhem, compounded by serious financial problems and the absence of the bff. Scary.

  • middle of last week, the Village Idiot (my former coworker/boyfriend) came to the place where I work, allegedly for proper reasons. He arrived 10 minutes before my regular quittin' time (which has been consistent since he knew me). He drove there in his work uniform and vehicle (meaning he was still "on the clock"). My car was clearly visible from the place where he parked. The goal he was pursuing could have been accomplished at any time in the following four hours--or on any other day that the place is open (it was not time-sensitive). According to a colleague, he spent ten minutes asking in varying (and not so varying) ways, "What's new here? What's going on? Anything new going on with people here?", after which he walked toward (but not into) my office--not into it, because it was dark. I had left for the day just as he arrived, but he apparently did not see me go. All of these elements lead me (and a couple of others with whom it's come up) to the conclusion that he had an ulterior motive for his visit.


  • one of my friends is completely obsessed with the destruction of the relationship that she used to be in, and refuses all offers for help. It's as if she enjoys the pain (and the attention that it garners!) rather than recognizing it as the deterrent that it was 'designed' to be. She has medical insurance with access to mental health care. She's a highly educated person. She's not stupid. There is an ineffable point where sympathy, empathy, and understanding fade away, and simple weariness at another's self-indulgence takes their place. If you know that the fire is hot and it's burning you, then take your motherfucking hand out of the goddamned fire.

  • hopes of selling my car through the "friend of a friend" network are fading, as is my enthusiasm for this process. I just want to be done with it already, and I'm concerned that my disdain and frustration will lead me to make an expedient but expensive choice. I have to be patient for a little bit longer.

  • I worked an extra quarter shift (also volunteering) at the start of this week, closing up that special project with my friend. Her assistants were not as helpful as they could have been. I was glad to be there to help her, and also glad that my presence led others to spend some time helping, too. The shut-down went much faster than start-up (and far faster than I'd anticipated) so it was the best possible end to the project.

  • a very good friend is, very suddenly, in luuurrrrrve, and I am surprised to find myself cranky and sad about it. Not that I don't want the best for him, of course. I just don't think this is it. And I guess I'm probably a little jealous.
That's pretty much it. Now that I've taken some time to think about it, we should be back to regularly-scheduled programming. Thanks for your patience.

[title quotation by Eric Hoffer]


  1. Hugs. Wanna come do my laundry, since you're proficient, and it's the only thing in the post you aren't annoyed with? ;-)

    My heart goes out to you, really. Wish there was something I could do.

    WF: beaurti

  2. If you really want me to do you laundry, you have to marry me first. :P

    Seriously: thank you. *hugs*

  3. Two major problems with the marriage thing:
    1) don't think this state is at the front of that particular movement;
    2) bigamy is not my thing

    Not to mention the mess that Beast's brain exploding would make.

  4. Sounds like I'd have even more laundry to do! In the words of so many of your male relatives: epic FAIL.