whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy

May 25: apotheosis

My fridge is full of borderline undrinkable, over-hoppy beer; I hope the beer fairy brings the apotheosis of smooth and delicious soon.

---

• Does anyone of the opposite sex have the same name as you?
  prehaps somewhere far away from here
• Ever been caught doing something illegal?
  
  Of course. Isn't that what it means to be "adult"?
• You watch The Simpsons, right?
  
  I do, as a matter of fact, now and then - for the first time in years
• Is there a boy that you would do absolutely everything for?
  
  no.
• Name something you dislike about the day you're having.
  
  my trapezius muscles are screaming, particularly the right. I could really use a lightweight 3-year-old with good balance to walk on my back, or a very patient friend with big strong hands and a lot of time to spend kneading me.
• Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
  
  Rowdy.
• Are you dating the last person you talked to?
  
  not hardly - I last spoke with a group of people from work, all women!
• Who was the last person you talked to in person?
  
  ...? This is another one of those quizzes written by a teenager, isn't it.
• Does anyone regularly - other than family - tell you they love you?
  
  yes, thank goodness. My family of origin isn't terribly demonstrative, so it's kind of nice to hear it when I can.
• Would you consider painting your bedroom purple?
  
  sure, but only a dark shade. (I've lost patience for pale paint. Life's too short for pastels.)
• Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
  
  Eddie Bauer
• Are there any posters in your room?
  
  ("in my room"?) No, because I'm a grownup.
• Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
  
  yep. At least one more piercing and three more tattoos.
• What is stressing you out most right now?
  
  health issues
• Have you ever lit a candle?
  
  (ever?! WTF?!?) The last time that I lit a candle was toward the end of April.
• What would you do if your spouse died?
  
  I'd be shocked, mostly because I don't have one.
• Have you ever owned your own car?
  
  (glargh.) Yes. For quite a bit more than half my life, even.
• Have you ever been so scared you couldn't move?
  
  that happens fairly often when I have bad dreams. It's an awful feeling, and I don't even like thinking about it.
• What is the last thing you put into your mouth, other than food?
  
  my toothbrush
• Have you ever dropped a baby while holding it?
  
  those two circumstances are mutually exclusive. Even if the question had been phrased properly, though, my answer would have been 'no'.
• Has anyone ever told you they want to have sex with you?
  
  it's only happened twice this week
• Have you ever eaten so much candy you thought you would die?
  
  no
• How many hoodies do you own?
  
  two - and don't forget that the word is pronounced 'HOO-tee'
• Do you actually wear every shirt in your drawers?
  
  no, I generally wear them on my top half
• What is behind you?
  
  couch (and the rest of the living room), and the dining room, and the decklet
• Where is the closest trashcan to you?
  
  roughly three feet from my left leg
• Have you ever thrown up in that trashcan?
  
  no, I've not been sick to my stomach since I've lived here (or in the previous three residences, for that matter)
• Are you fair-skinned?
  
  definitely. I think it's a deal-breaker for some people, to tell the truth. Subtle discrimination based on skin color.
• Have you ever dropped your phone in a pool?
  
  nope
• If your ex said they want to have sex with you, what would you say?
  
  depends upon the ex, I suppose, and the terms under which the statement was made. Some might get a second glance, a few would get a hearty laugh, others an immediate punch to the jaw, and one or two wouldn't know what hit 'em.
• Have you ever seriously thought you were going to marry someone and they broke your heart?
  
  I only ever "seriously" thought I was going to marry one someone, and I did
• What did your last text message say?
  
  Incoming: "Haha bowling injury!"
  Outgoing: "Or something terribly, disgustingly worse. ;D"
• Would you ever live in Hawaii?
  
  doubtful. I don't know anyone who lives there, and I understand that the cost of living is outrageous.
• How many surveys do you take in one day?
  
  on average, less than one
• Have you ever burned yourself on a stove?
  
  uh, yeah
• Have you ever had someone else pop one of your pimples?
  
  ugh - no
• Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex?
  
  nope
• What are you disgusted by?
  
  small-minded, prurient questions
• Have you ever made out with someone in a movie theater?
  
  yep. Hello, junior high school!
• What about on a couch?
  
  once or twice.
• What about on your bed?
  
  maybe?
• Have you ever won a contest?
  
  is this still part of the making-out thread? If it is, and I have to answer honestly, then: yes.
• What were you dressed up as for Halloween 4 years ago?
  
  (this question is one of the worst examples of English grammar ever!) I'm fairly certain that Halloween four years ago was not a costumed time for me.
• What is the weirdest thing you have ever said to someone?
  
  "yes." (You had to be there.)
• When was the last time you had the hiccups?
  
  no clue. It doesn't tend to be that personally memorable for me.
• Do you actually have manners?
  
  everyone has manners. Some of them are just better than others. Mine are, occasionally, very nice.
• Have you ever punched your boyfriend/girlfriend?
  
  no. I did slap Nick once, at his specific request. It was profoundly transformative for both of us and I desperately wished I'd done it three years sooner. It was also the experience that made it patently clear that we were not meant to be together any longer.
• Would you rather eat 10 spiders or die?
  
  I'm going to die eventually anyway, so you may keep your damned spiders. Thanks.
• Have you ever been pooped on by a bird?
  
  no
• Have you ever met someone famous?
  
  I've seen (and dorkily intruded upon) a group of famous people doing what makes them famous. I've been around people who are "famous" in their fields, but not in the real world. And I used to know someone very, very well who is now a Rock Star in the tech world--I just checked, and as of tonight he's the 7th hit of the 12 that appear on the initial hitlist when one types only his first name into Wikipedia's search box. (He has a standard American first name.)
• When you were a kid, did you like Barney?
  
  that purple freak didn't show up until I was nearly ready to graduate from college
• Have you ever wondered what your boyfriend/girlfriend's private parts look like?
  
  not really....
• Do your parents approve of the music you listen to?
  
  approve? I don't think that we've ever really seen it that way. My parents love music as much as I do - I'm sure that's where I got it from, or at least where my early exposure to all sorts of music came from. They're open and nonjudgmental, though they have their favorites just like most everyone else. So, yeah, they approve. They even like a lot of it. Most of it.
• What would you say if you saw your mom smoking pot?
  
  she wouldn't
• Do you keep in touch with your cousins?
  
  sort of. I'm Facebook friends with one of them. I'll see another occasionally. The rest of them see each other a lot more, though - I'm the outlier, for sure.
• Have you ever had a crush on a 2nd or 3rd cousin?
  
  oh, yuck: no!
• Have you ever had a best friend that moved away?
  
  no, that was me. I had a friend who bailed out of our relationship completely and also happened to move at the same time, but she'd have pissed away the friendship even if she still lived here. I say that because she "moved away" to a town maybe 30 minutes away but literally never called me, and moved back here at some point but never bothered to get back in touch. So glad I could be there for her to use when she was going through a rough time and needed someone to pick up the pieces when she let someone else break up her life, but when I could have used a friend, she split. I'm absolutely better off without her, because anyone with a spirit that weak isn't worth the bother.
• Have you ever kissed a boy named Justin?
  
  no, but I let him take me for a ride in his dad's plane, which was a pretty good substitute
• Have you ever had a beverage come out of your nose in public?
  
  definitely. It happens all the time when I laugh too hard. I'm just grateful when it's not very hot tea or Coke, which burns.
• What type of iPod do you have?
  
  a black classic (180GB)
• Do you own your own laptop?
  
  yep, but it's ancient and very heavy by comparison to newer models, so I rarely take it anywhere beyond the chair in the second bedroom

[from The Cat, who got it here; the title quotation is by Groucho Marx]