I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid

Ten things I'm looking for in a guy, as discerned through a wee bit of beer and a lot of laughing with a friend from the early days.
  1. A once-a-week ball player. The point of that? Someone who has his own interests and pool of friends, and who's athletic but not a diehard. I don't want to look squishy and lame when we stand next to each other.
  2. Someone patient with obscure jokes. I try to be normal and easy to talk to, but the stuff that I say is sometimes seriously esoteric and bizarre. Anyone who's going to be with me for the duration will have to have either the same sense of humor or a heck of a lot of patience.
  3. Interested in new challenges. I'm easily bored, I don't want the same thing every day, and sometimes adventure is absolutely necessary - but I'm also not the best at articulating that in a practical way. A good partner for me will have imagination and motivation to contrast with my own.
  4. No crotch pics. That should be self-explanatory, but I'll fill this little bit in anyway: I don't want a dude who wants to send me (or anyone else) photographs of his privates. I'm no prude, and I don't expect conservative behavior in all ways (see, e.g., #6, below), but this one thing is a deal-breaker.
  5. A job guy, not a career guy. This doesn't mean white collar or tenured fellas are exempt from consideration. It does mean that I am interested in someone who is not perfectly defined by his work life. A sense of proportion, let's say, is what's necessary.
  6. Alcohol-friendly. I don't go out to drink anymore (or, it's so rare that I think it never happens?), but I will sometimes have drinks. It's cool if you're not into it and won't be drinking with me, but don't judge me because I do.
  7. Affectionate. Kissing. Hand-holding. Hugs. A little schmoopiness. I don't want to be overwhelmed with oogy neediness, but I'd love to be convinced that I'm all someone's thinking about.
  8. Minimum age: 33.
  9. Uniformly faithful--to family, to himself and the promises he's made, to friends, to being an honorable person. Do what you say you'll do, and don't do what you say you won't.
  10. Along that same line: truth. I'm not interested in someone who won't acknowledge his own truth to himself. It's incredibly vital to life to know what one wants and be true to that. Tell yourself the truth, tell others, and tell me.

How hard should that be?

[the title quotation is by Dorothy Parker]


  1. I think it's not that difficult. But there is a startlingly amount of hiding people do to make themselves look like what we think others expect instead of just letting it all hang out. Which means what you're really looking for is someone mature enough to let it all hang out, come what may--and no, this doesn't mean #4.


    1. I think that the Village Idiot cured me of any gameplaying urges/tolerance. I suppose I could be said to be as picky about that as I am about food and housing. ;)

  2. One more requirement: he has to get the point when I share something I've written. Not to love it, to agree with it, or to gush over it, but to understand why I've shared it and what that really means to me.