it’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do

What does it feel like to be depressed? Like whatever I'm doing, it's precisely the wrong thing. If I'm alone, then I'm disappointing my friends or "ignoring my mental health" or "not practicing self-care." But if I'm around other people, I'm sullen, anxious, and preoccupied. I can't wait to be done with it. Not that I don't like the person or people that I'm around--it just doesn't feel right, then. (And it wouldn't matter who the other person was, just the fact that there is another person present.)

What makes it better? Time. Space. Sleep. Real food. Exercise. Water. Gentle nudges. Space. Time.

What doesn't make it better? Guilt. Unsolicited advice. Social events. Eating crappy. Too much alcohol. Happy people being happy together. Romantic comedies. Being nagged.

How often does this happen? Sometimes it seems like it's more often than not. Other times I can realize it's been months, or maybe years.

How bad does it get? Relative to what? How human do you feel? Why are you so tall, or short? Why do you breathe that way? It's part of me.

Why don't you do something to fix it? 
a. Thanks for the vote of confidence, in assuming that I haven't.
b. See "nagging," above.
c. Just as not every illness or injury can be seen from the outside, not every treatment or cure can be seen, either.

What's the most [academically] fascinating thing about depression? I think the connection between mood disorders and creativity is strong. A lot of people that I know who are writers, musicians, actors, and visual artists also suffer to some degree from a mood disorder. This has long been a subject of intellectual interest for me, but over time it has enlarged into a personal interest, too. Which is the cart, and which is the horse? Does creativity come from depression, or depression from being "the artistic sort"? Does "having the kind of brain" that makes someone creative literally mean that there is something within the brain that makes someone also predisposed to mood disorders?

If I had it all to do over, I might just want to study this sort of thing.

[the title quotation is by Stephen Fry]