the universal law is that the most frustrating thing will always happen, no matter how unlikely

Catching up on the once-a-week movie posts: the "unlikely choice" edition. SPOILER ALERT: There are little spoilers all over this post, so if you haven't seen 'em, don't read 'em.

Bridge of Spies (2015) - "During the Cold War, an American lawyer is recruited to defend an arrested Soviet spy in court, and then help the CIA facilitate an exchange of the spy for the Soviet captured American U2 spy plane pilot, Francis Gary Powers."
I watched it because: astoundingly, this showed up in my queue thanks to the Sebastian Koch obsession. He plays Vogel, the East German wackadoodle.
story: 4.5/5
visuals: 4/5--well...this was shot with an estimated budget of $40MM, which is about 8x the usual (Léon: The Professional was $16MM; Top Secret! was $9M; Trust was $700k) for movies that I like. How could it not be visually arresting?
acting: 5/5--standout: Mark Rylance (Abel)
intangibles: 4/5--great story, great acting (though Tom Hanks {James B. Donovan} is a very unlikely thriller hero!). The details are awesome.
Academy Award winner: Best Supporting Actor--Mark Rylance
Academy Award nominee:
• Best Picture
• Best Writing, Original Screenplay
• Best Music, Original Score
• Best Sound Mixing
• Best Production Design
overall: 4.375/5

Bowfinger (1999) - "When a desperate movie producer fails to get a major star for his bargain basement film, he decides to shoot the film secretly around him."
I watched it because: this one is for my college bf, who put me through endless Steve Martin movies--along with cheap beer and the best subs I've ever had--in a unique wooing ritual.
story: 2.5/5--it's supposed to be silly
visuals: 3.5/5--filmed in and around Hollywood, it managed to do the (seemingly) impossible: now I want to go back to L.A.!
acting: 4/5--standout: Jamie Kennedy (the ridiculous, happy Dave)
intangibles: 3.5/5--it's one of those strange comedies that is simultaneously aware of its own absurdity and still wholly devoted to it. It's charming and fun.
overall: 3.375/5

Taken 2 (2012) - "In Istanbul, retired CIA operative Bryan Mills and his wife are taken hostage by the father of a kidnapper Mills killed while rescuing his daughter."
I watched it because: it's a box set with the first and third films
story: 3/5--a little thin. These poor people are really THAT irritating to a bunch of international thugs? Enough to wipe out half the Turkish mob?? At a financial cost that must have been astronomical? The ROI...I dunno. Guess this is why I'm not a mobster.
visuals: 4.5/5--undeniably gorgeous, it was filmed in Turkey and France (in part) and that portion lends an unreal quality that almost plays the role of another character.
acting: 3/5
intangibles: 2.5/5--Liam Neeson (Bryan Mills) is a very unlikely "action hero." Or perhaps my imagination just fails in this attempt.
overall: 3.25/5

Mystery, Alaska (1999) - "This comedy is about the residents of a small town who get over-excited when their hockey team gets chosen to host a televised event."
I watched it because: I haven't seen many of Russell Crowe's movies, and this one is an interesting outlier in the filmography.
story: 4.5/5
visuals: 5/5--filmed on location in Canada, it is the best and most beautiful of the north. Weird and lovely to be home and watching something that makes me homesick for where I already am!
acting: 4/5--standouts: there's a lot of great stuff here, with a stellar supporting cast. Ron Eldard's Skank shows realistic growth. Michael Buie as Connor is notably sweet and delicate in a field of joyful brutes. Kevin Durand's Tree is the best example of the old-school hockey thugs.
intangibles: 3.5/5--there are some drawbacks here, such as the unreal thoughtlessness and bizarre (albeit singular) appeal of Hank Azaria's Charlie, and the overblown death scene. Russell Crowe (John Biebe) is an odd choice for a sports hero (though the mullet is SO spot-on and he obviously pulls it off!) Overall, though, this is a darkhorse winner.
overall: 4.25/5

Criminal (2016) - "In a last-ditch effort to stop a diabolical plot, a dead CIA operative's memories, secrets, and skills are implanted into a death-row inmate in hopes that he will complete the operative's mission."
I watched it because: I've been accused of having "a thing" about Kevin Costner. I think it's closer to the truth to say that I'm seeing so many movies now that the likelihood that they'll have no recognizable actors in them is pretty goddamned slim.
story: 4/5--very out there, but extraordinarily well explained, easy to follow, and believable
visuals: 5/5--absolutely beautiful. I could watch this again with no sound and get a lot out of it, just because the visuals are so arresting.
acting: 4.5/5--standouts: Tommy Lee Jones (Dr. Franks) and Michael Pitt (Jan Strook). Kevin Costner (Jerico) is an highly unlikely criminal (as Ryan Reynolds {Bill Pope} is an unlikely spy!) but it absolutely works.
intangibles: 4/5--this is a wonderful cast, telling a fascinating story. I didn't know a damned thing about the movie before I started watching it, but now it's likely to be a favorite.
overall: 4.375/5

Blood Diamond (2006) - "A fisherman, a smuggler, and a syndicate of businessmen match wits over the possession of a priceless diamond."
I watched it because: I've seen it before (see this post for the ironical detail) and (obviously) thought it was brilliant. It was time to see it again.
story: 5/5--in all the ways that Criminal was a complicated story explained fairly briefly and completely, Blood Diamond is even more complex and takes the entirety of 143 minutes to flesh out. And it's an important story to tell.
visuals: 4.5/5--tragically, heart-wrenchingly, exotically beautiful
acting: 4.5/5--standouts: Leonardo DiCaprio (Danny Archer)--who is (wait for it) an unlikely action hero!--and Djimon Hounsou (Solomon Vandy)
intangibles: 4/5--heart-breaking.
Academy Award nominee:
• Best Actor--Leonardo DiCaprio
• Best Supporting Actor--Djimon Hounsou
• Best Film Editing
• Best Sound Mixing
• Best Sound Editing
overall: 4.5/5

[the title quotation is from Joe Abercrombie, from The Heroes]