18. What silly or funny thing makes you afraid or creeps you out?
I was thinking about this question while outside walking today, and realized that there is one thing that other people probably take for granted that freaks me out. It is a sort of long story.
The first place we lived in Flatland was a house that we rented from four people - a brother and sister and their respective spouses, two of whom lived across the street from us. We lived there for a few years (two? maybe three?), until we decided to get a smaller place to save up money to buy a house of our own. When we gave our notice, the landlords decided to sell the place. We found a "penthouse" apartment, which in the local vernacular is the apartment over the garages in a 4-unit building. We started moving stuff into the new place gradually (as we did everything), trying to get the cats - who were by that point fairly elderly - accustomed to the idea of moving again. A few days before our last night in the house, I woke in the night when someone walked across the yard. It happened now and then, since it was a corner lot in a residential neighborhood. I barely registered it and fell back to sleep. The next thing I knew, though, I woke up screaming and did not stop until H literally shook me by the shoulders. That was after he had run out to the living room to find out what had happened. Someone had thrown the "for sale" sign through the picture window, shattering not only that window but also the four to the sides. There was broken glass EVERYWHERE, all over the couch and the half-packed boxes in the living room. H hustled the cats into the bedroom with me and called the police and the landlords across the street. Someone got cardboard, tarp and duct tape in place that morning, and we cleaned up the glass. That is, after we got the cats hustled over to the new place. Apart from moving the bigger furniture (aided by the grad student brigade), we had everything out within 36 hours.
It is silly, or strange, I'm sure. But I will never feel comfortable with one of those metal signs anywhere near my house again.
(The good [?] part of this story is that, helped in part by my sleepy recollection of what I saw when I was awakened earlier in the night, the investigators were able to piece together the route of a group of young teens on a spree of destruction through our little town that night. They threw rocks through car windows and a couple of businesses downtown and did some keying as well. They were picked up on security cameras in a couple of places. They all confessed and were convicted and punished for what they did that might.)
19. How quickly do you jump to conclusions about people?
I try to be open-minded, if not open-hearted. I can people-watch with the best of 'em but try not to make full-scale judgments except where essential.
20. How would the world change if super heroes and super villains actually existed?
sounds a lot like politics
21. What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic?
wow, how delightfully timely! I believe that my strategy would be barely social distancing, a renewed faith and obsession with cleanliness, not sweating the small stuff (as much as anyone can let that shit go), drinking lots of water, trusting almost no one, getting extra sleep, trying to exercise and get some sun for Vitamin D and mental health, eating adequate fruits & veggies, and writing a lot (to keep my brain intact).
22. What is the most important change that should be made to your country's education system?
kids should be allowed to be kids - small children - for a longer period of time. We start forcing them into long school days, heaps of homework, after school activities, and adult-like pressures at way too young an age. Kids are burning out on what used to be fun and interesting and enjoyable because it is crammed down their throats and they have none of the necessary opportunities to blow off steam and just be young. And then we are surprised when they take adult-like steps before we think they are ready. What a shock.
23. What is something you think you will regret in the future not starting now and what is something you already regret not starting sooner?
right or wrong, I mostly tend to do rather than waiting. Shoot first, ask questions later. There are a couple of areas where some other carny is running the ride, and I'm just in the bucket holding on for dear life. It is foolish to regret what you cannot control.
I do regret taking such poor care of my health for so long. It caught up with me.
24. If you could put your brain in a robot and live indefinitely, would you?
God, no. I haven't the slightest desire to live forever.
25. If you could replace the handshake as a greeting, what interesting new greeting would you replace it with?
26. Who's the worst guest you've had in your house and what did they do?
he has been referenced on the blog as "Toby." Ulysses introduced us. The last time I saw him, we had plans to have a drink. He showed up to my apartment completely drunk, and proceeded to drink a great deal more in a very short amount of time. He tripped - over my feet, stepping on one and bruising it badly - and in the process nearly falling out the second-story window. At the last moment, I grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him back to safety. He landed on my foot. As I was reeling in pain, he wandered into my bedroom and passed out on the bed. I could not wake him - and, to be completely truthful, I was too drunk to care at that point about anything except not being negligently responsible for his death. I crawled on top of the covers (he was underneath) and fell asleep (or passed out). I woke up when he peed the bed, stood up while peeing, and peed his way to the bathroom. Where he peed some more.
At that point, he apparently realized he had just pissed all over my apartment (through his clothes) because he yelled "goodbye" and left. Meanwhile, I - dumbfounded - struggled my way out of a still drunk/rapidly sobering sleep to clean my entire motherfucking apartment before work. Starting with my bed, pee-soaked by an adult. Then the carpets. And the bathroom rugs. And the entire kitchen, dining room, and living room, which were trashed (no pee, thank God). Furniture tipped over, alcohol spilled everywhere, couch cushions and pillows disrupted, plants messed up. Mysteriously, a spray of blood on one of my framed prints. Never did figure out how that got there.
So...yeah. Worst "guest" ever. Never saw him again, and not at all upset about that result. Learned some things from the experience, though, so that's good - right?
27. When does time pass fastest for you and when does it pass the slowest?
fastest: spending time with true friends
slowest: waiting to leave for the airport
28. What always sounds like a good idea at the time but rarely is?
drinking with people I work with
29. Are humans fundamentally different than animals? If so, what makes us different?
yes - we have the ability to reason, whether or not we choose to exercise it
30. You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio in the world and have it translated to each country's language. What sentence do you say?
"I believe in whirled peas!"
31. What fact are you surprised that more people don't know about?
32. What are you most passionate about and what do you wish you were more passionate about?
I am really passionate about books and reading.
I wish I had a job about which I could feel more passionate, proud, happy, content, and comfortable.
33. What's the best comeback you've ever heard?
Fancy Pants is full of 'em. Nothing (clean) is coming to mind at the moment.
34. Who haven't you seen or talked to in a long time, and hope they are doing OK?
Robert
35. What's something that you've never been able to do well?
make change in a hurry
36. Who is the most humble person you know?
oddly, one of the most borderline arrogant people I know is also enormously self-deprecating and humble. I think it all "comes from" the same place inside of us, where we don't want anyone to look too closely or scrutinize just how worthy we are of praise or blame. That's why a lot of people exaggerate their own accomplishments while also brushing off sincere compliments.
37. What is the silliest reason someone you've known has completely lost it?
the saga of my breakups and makeups with poor Nick are the stuff of legend. We battled like feuding clans over the dumbest, meanest, most pointless stuff. And we finally split (for the last time, for real, no going back, I swear, ever!) because he told me my sweater made me look like a lesbian golfer, whereupon I threw my shoes at him - picking them up and re-throwing them as I followed him to my door, and then throwing them at the door as he left. Pretty sure that experience qualifies as both of us completely losing it for silly reasons...which, underneath, were really not silly at all.
38. What is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever?
green onions
39. What's the weirdest tradition your family has?
breakfast for dinner at Easter, mint chocolate chip ice cream for Valentine's Day and August 1st, a green glittery ball on the east side of the Christmas tree about 5' up, my brother's text messages...
40. If you could choose anyone living or dead, who would you choose to lead our country?
a guy I went to high school with. We don't see eye to eye on everything, but he is among the most ethical people I know, he is very intelligent and can admit when he doesn't know something, he is fair and decent, and he looks ahead rather than backward. (Not sure if you're reading this, Shrek, but that's you in a nutshell.)
41. What app on your phone do you wish you used more?
electronic check deposit
42. Who was the most power mad person you've met?
my third boss at the current place is a good candidate. Everyone I know who has worked for her thinks she is a wretched excuse for a human being, content to ride the shoulders of the minions whose lives she runs. She is the antithesis of empowerment and encouragement, so regularly removing duties and responsibilities from her staff that we were eventually left with nothing. to. do. I did nothing but pull staples from bundles of paper for months before I was offered a promotion in a different deprtment, because she literally would not allow me to do anything else. (So dangerous, when employees are actually prompted to use their abilities!) In the meantime, she somehow snowed her supervisors and enough of our internal clients that they believed, and apparently still believe, that she is some kind of whiz. Even thinking about her makes me splutter. This is not "a woman thing"--it is a power-mad boss thing.
43. What world famous monument do you have no interest in visiting?
the western US doesn't do much for me - though, granted, I have not explored in great detail. I just cannot imagine driving for hours or multiple days to see a chunk of rock or something like that.
44. What is something that you think people are only pretending to like or are deluding themselves into liking?
kale, especially in a smoothie
45. What joke went way too far?
certain US presidencies
46. What are some of the telltale signs that a guy is creepy?
47. What is your very first memory?
Easter at my maternal grandparents' house. Big homemade meal (my mom and every one of my aunts contributing something to whatever delicious things my grandma made), the house packed with cousins and other relatives, everyone talking and laughing and eating. After the meal, going for a walk through the bluffs and valley with my dad and several of the cousins to see the teepee and pick wild violets.
[from here; the title quotation is by Billy Idol]
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