9.14.2020

even asleep I was shocked out of the narrative by your face, the physical fact of your face

You weren't well or really ill yet either; 
just a little tired, your handsomeness 
tinged by grief or anticipation, which brought 
to your face a thoughtful, deepening grace. 

I didn't for a moment doubt you were dead. 
I knew that to be true still, even in the dream. 
You'd been out—at work maybe?— 
having a good day, almost energetic. 

We seemed to be moving from some old house 
where we'd lived, boxes everywhere, things 
in disarray: that was the story of my dream, 
but even asleep I was shocked out of the narrative 

by your face, the physical fact of your face: 
inches from mine, smooth-shaven, loving, alert. 
Why so difficult, remembering the actual look 
of you? Without a photograph, without strain? 

So when I saw your unguarded, reliable face, 
your unmistakable gaze opening all the warmth 
and clarity of —warm brown tea—we held 
each other for the time the dream allowed. 

Bless you. You came back, so I could see you 
once more, plainly, so I could rest against you 
without thinking this happiness lessened anything, 
without thinking you were alive again. 

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