11.28.2020

can I please not think

Do I have to bring it up again, isn’t there another subject? 
Can I forget about the scrap of flattened squirrel fur 
fluttering on the road, can I forget the road 
and how I can’t stop driving no matter what, 
not even for gas, or love, can I please not think 
about my father left in some town behind me, 
in his blue suit, with his folded hands, 
and my grandmother moaning about her bladder 
and swallowing all the pills, and the towns I’m passing now 
can I try not to see them, the children squatting 
by the ditches, the holes in their chests and foreheads, 
the woman cradling her tumor, the dog dragging its crippled hips? 
I can close my eyes and sit back if I want to, 
I can lean against my friends’ shoulders 
and eat as they’re eating, and drink from the bottle 
being passed back and forth; I can lighten up, can’t I, 
Christ, can’t I? There is another subject, in a minute 
I’ll think of it. I will. And if you know it, help me. 
Help me. Remind me why I’m here. 

[Kim Addonizio {1954- } 'Death Poem', from The Art of Losing]

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