2.08.2021

cops, they’re all so young

At headquarters they asked me for something dry and understated. 
Mary, they said, it’s called a statement. They took me out back to a 
courtyard where they always ate lunch and showed me a little tree 
that was, sadly, dying. Something with four legs had eaten it rather 
badly. Don’t over-emote, they said. I promised I wouldn’t but I was 
thinking to myself that the something-with-four-legs had certainly 
over-emoted and that the tree, in response, was over-emoting now, being 
in the strange little position of dying. All the cops were sitting around 
eating sandwich halves and offered me one. This one’s delicious, 
said a lieutenant, my wife made it. Seeing as it was peanut butter and 
jelly I thought he was over-emoting, but I didn’t say anything. I just sat 
looking at the tree and eating my sandwich half. When I was ready I 
asked for a pencil and they gave me one of those little golf pencils. I 
didn’t say anything about that, either. I just wrote my statement and 
handed it over—it was a description of the tree which they intended to 
give to their captain as a Christmas present—I mean my description—
because the captain, well, he loved that tree and he loved my writing 
and every one of the cops hoped to be promoted in the captain’s heart 
and, who knows, maybe get a raise. Still, after all that sitting around in 
the courtyard eating sandwich halves, I had a nice feeling of sharing, so 
when they asked me if I had anything else to say I told them that in the 
beginning you understand the world but not yourself, and when you 
finally understand yourself you no longer understand the world. They 
seemed satisfied with that. Cops, they’re all so young. 
 

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