2.10.2021

each night he crawls through the window, I pay with a name

I, too, love the devil. He comes to my bed 
all wrath and blessing and wearing 
my husband’s beard, whispers, tell me who 
you suspect. He fools me the same way every time, 
but never punishes me the same way twice. 
I don’t remember who I give him but he says 
I have the instinct for red. Kiss red. Pleasure red. 
Red of the ripe guaraná, of the jaguar’s eyes 
when it stalks the village at night. Red as the child 
I birthed who breathed twice and died. 
The stump of flesh where the head should be, 
red. Pierced side of Christ, red. A sinner needs 
her sin, and mine is beloved. Mine returns 
with skin under his fingernails, and ice cube 
on his tongue, and covers my face with a hymnal. 
I never ask for a miracle, only strength enough 
to bear his weight. Each day, I hang laundry 
on the line, dodge every shadow. Each night 
he crawls through the window, I pay with a name. 

[Traci Brimhall {1982- } 'To Survive the Revolution', from Kenyon Review XXXV No. 1 (Winter 2013)]

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