Caveat: In an effort to broaden my blog topics, I've been researching - you know that's what I love, and what I'm best at - sources and options for writing prompts. My local library is not, um, bountiful, though it does offer access to all public libraries in the state. Still, this is an excessively particular topic that's hard to answer in book form. My first run-through resulted in a couple of strange and specific books. One is devoted to career questions. The other is far, far more sexually revealing than I have been previously, and than I am comfortable with, ongoing. Those are some of the questions I'm addressing here. I'm modifying them from the way-too-personal out toward the general, and we'll just see how this goes!
• Is there any desire that you want to try that you think is taboo?
the concept of "taboo" is utterly irrelevant. I don't buy into the idea that something is wrong solely because the majority if people don't think it's right.
• Do you believe in the power of clothing to excite or enhance sex?
definitely, whether it's acknowledged or not. And I don't just mean "sexy clothes," designed and intended to be provocative. I think that, between two people, there can be triggers that have nothing to do with typical ideas of what's alluring. I know a guy (just a friend!) who finds his wife's huge fuzzy bathrobe sexy, believes she's even more attractive when she wears it, and wouldn't trade that for anything. I also know a woman who, having seen her boyfriend very casually tying his tie, sees the subtle and personal message there as a switch flipping.
• Do you think sexual fantasies should stay fantasies or be made reality?
I do believe it's a little dangerous to make all one's wishes come true - so to speak. Sometimes fantasies are better in one's mind than they are in one's, um, body ... and thus the fantasy is no longer appealing. A lot of the time, a fantasy is metaphorical, even if we don't realize it, and is the expression of wishes and desires that are not precisely sexual (like closeness - or objectification). Acting on such a fantasy without recognizing that it's not literal can both destroy the pleasure of the fantasy and, of course, leave one still wanting. In all, I think the fantasy is often far better than the reality - and should stay that way.
• If you could spy on the person you most desire through the crack of the door, what would you like to witness them doing?
cleaning his glasses with the tail of a dress shirt, and a nice long stretch would not go amiss
• What is the worst sex advice you've ever gotten?
it's a tie. I was raised to believe that sex requires love and love results in sex. Those two phrases don't work all that well together, to be honest, and resulted in some internal equivocation that I'd rather not have undertaken.
In college, I was given a sort of intervention by a few older friends who'd been around the block a few times, resulting in a mantra that even had its own mix-tape to accompany: "it doesn't have to mean commitment." That's a freaking VIP all-access card, when handed to (or thrust upon) a young girl. Yikes.
• Would you watch a sexy movie with a partner? Would you, with someone with whom you were not (yet) involved?
yup, either one. I like movies, of course, and have certainly seen some scandalous ones. Anyway, I think that watching a movie together can start a conversation that once started can be continued in a fruitful manner.
• How important to you is kissing?
profoundly. The reasons are personal, internal, and hard to explain - but there's also a lot of scientific indication that it's a good thing. For instance:
° A scientific article in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that "kissing frequency was found to be related to relationship satisfaction."
° From Berkeley University's Greater Good Magazine: "According to a 2014 paper,
as people kiss on the lips their brain activity spikes and harmonizes.
In fact, the degree of synchronization between canoodling brains
correlates with the self-reported quality of the kiss."
° According to an article in Mental Floss: "A 2013 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior
found that more frequent kissing was linked to couples’ perceived
feelings about the quality of a relationship—namely, the more kissing,
the happier they were—which was not the case for more sex."
• What's the most fun you've ever had with your clothes on?
that is one of my most treasured memories of high school. Drew Barrymore once said, "Kissing - and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most
delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do,
bar none. Better than sex, hands down." While that last sentence has me unconvinced, the rest of it...yeah, totally. There's a real glory in giving oneself up to that kind of joy, but also knowing that it's not going to go too far. Not as a preamble to sex, but a lovely and fun and arousing activity in and of itself. I do miss that.
• What is your favorite food to incorporate into erotic adventures?
a friend from my bakery job had taken a few art classes during her first foray at college - in the 1970s. One of them was a little wacky, as much about performance art and investigating hippie behavior as about standard definitions of "art." One of their assignments (which were phrased as suggestions or open ideas) was to use an atypical medium to express "color."
My friend bought out a grocery store shelf, filled her bathtub with Kool-Aid powder (and water), and immersed herself in it. She succeeded in dyeing her skin bright red - and, a day or two later, was diagnosed with a wicked UTI.
It's a cautionary tale. At it's most basic, food is a mouth subject, not a body subject. Bad things can happen from confusing the two.
[from 269 Red Hot XXX-Rated Questions; the title quotation is attributed to George Bernard Shaw]
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