powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less

1 If the person who loves you could see into your heart, what would they find?

     if a person loved me, what they would see in my heart would look like this photo

 

2 Describe a moment where you felt you witnessed the purest form of love.

    my neighbor, age 90, caring for his 86-year-old wife who's been under the weather. He is a darling man, she a delightful woman, and their relationship is a terrific example of how to behave toward someone you love. 

 

3 What’s one thing you did to impress a partner in the beginning, but that you wouldn’t admit to later? 

     I used to spend a stupid amount of time cleaning before a date would come to my place. Even if they would be there for 5 minutes while I grabbed my wallet and shoes, I was overly concerned about the impression they would get from my typical relaxed approach to tidying. At this age, I've come to realize that anyone who doesn't like it is welcome to use the door at which they'd entered. 

 

4 What is one thing you admire about someone you know, that they might not even realize? What specific qualities or actions do you find deeply inspiring or attractive? 

    someone I worked with at an earlier job has become an even closer friend since I left that company. We both make a special effort to get together once a month or so. We meet for lunch—inevitably starving because we've so been looking forward to the lunch itself—and spend an hour or two eating, talking, laughing, reminiscing, making fun, and generally behave like children. She never fails to ask me about stuff that was important to me during our last conversation, which I find touching and kind. She really listens. 

 

5 What’s one thing your partner does (or a past partner did) that you secretly wish they wouldn’t?

    small talk, sometimes quite vehemently and at length. Turns out I'm kinda Swedish...

 

6 Have you ever forgiven someone who hurt you deeply? How did it change your perspective on love? 

    ha! Yes, I forgave someone who hurt me deeply. It was detailed in this post. How did it change my perspective on love? It caused a sea-change. Trust is more difficult, understanding is strained, forgiveness is unlikely, and solitude is by far preferable to opening up to that sort of betrayal again. 

 

7 What does it take to make you feel emotionally safe and vulnerable? 

    ironic to encounter this question right after the last.

    • being listened to, without interruptions

    • only gentle teasing, never making fun

    • being remembered, and worth remembering (see #4 above) 

    • reciprocal sharing, so it's not one-sided vulnerability

    • the ability to be silent sometimes

 

 [from here and adapted; the title quotation is by Robert Greene, from The 48 Laws of Power]