congratulations on your massive pack of lies!

Win some, lose some. I've had a good run lately, so this was bound to happen. Sigh.

Cold War {Hon Zin} (2012) - "Hijackers take a police van containing sophisticated equipment and five highly trained officers. The kidnappers stay several steps ahead of the police until two rival cops take charge of the rescue operation."

length: 1 hour, 42 minutes
source: streamed on Fandango at Home (which is the worst business name I've seen in a long time)
I watched it because: Andy Lau is one of my favorites, and anything he's been in makes it onto my watchlist
IMDB: 6.6/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: N/A% Audience: 61%
my IMDB: 7/10

notable quote: "Extreme times require extreme measures."

MPAA rating: R

directed by: Lok Man Leung, Kim-Ching Luk

my notes: super intricate storyline, very fast-paced, innovative tech and effects, and powerful performances by Aaron Kwok (Sean Lau) and Tony Ka Fai Leung (W.B. Waise Lee) made this intense and satisfying. 

    (Not so great, though, was the pathetically bland English voiceover. I always prefer to watch a movie in its original language with adequate English subtitles, because this phenomenon is way too prevalent. My only quibble.)

overall:  recommended

Brazil (1985) - "Low-level bureaucrat Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce) escapes the monotony of his day-to-day life through a recurring daydream of himself as a virtuous hero saving a beautiful damsel. Investigating a case that led to the wrongful arrest and eventual death of an innocent man instead of wanted terrorist Harry Tuttle (Robert De Niro), he meets the woman from his daydream (Kim Greist), and in trying to help her gets caught in a web of mistaken identities, mindless bureaucracy and lies."

length: 2 hours, 12 minutes

source: I borrowed the DVD from the public library
I watched it because: it's in the Criterion Collection, and I like Peter Vaughan and Bob Hoskins
IMDB: 7.8/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 98% Audience: 90%
my IMDB: 1/10 DNF

notable quote: "I got the right man. The wrong one was delivered to me as the right man, I accepted him on good faith as the right man. Was I wrong?"

MPAA rating: R

directed by: Terry Gilliam

my notes: unwatchable, awful mayhem. Like a very early MTV video gone horribly awry. Garbage.

    Gilliam directed some terrific movies, including Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) (reviewed here; it's an 8/10) and The Fisher King (1991) (not reviewed on the blog; 8/10), some OK movies, e.g. 12 Monkeys (1995; reviewed here, 5/10), and complete shit like this. There's a good reason for it, though: watch Lost in La Mancha (2002; discussed here, 8/10) to see his creative wheels and how tenuously they connect. It's eye-opening and sad.

Academy Award nominee:
• Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen—Terry Gilliam, Tom Stoppard, Charles McKeown
• Best Art Direction - Set Decoration—Norman Garwood, Maggie Gray

overall: not at all recommended

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale (2007) - "As war looms in an idyllic kingdom, a man named Farmer (Jason Statham) begins a heroic quest to find his kidnapped wife (Claire Forlani) and avenge their son, who was murdered by horrible warriors called Krugs. Meanwhile, villainous Gallian (Ray Liotta) sends his evil army to overthrow the rightful king (Burt Reynolds) and steal the throne."
length: 2 hours, 7 minutes

source: I owned the DVD [in a box set with films II and III in the series]
I watched it because: Statham is fascinating, and this movie has a surprisingly strong cast.
IMDB: 3.8/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 4% Audience: 22%
my IMDB: 4/10

notable quote: "God blesses those who die for honor - and TROOOOOOOTH!"

MPAA rating: PG-13

directed by: Uwe Boll

my notes: oof. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but neither is it good. Statham (Farmer) does what he can with this terrible script and worse direction. Some of the cast is all right—notably Will Sanderson as Bastien, Brian White as Commander Tarish, and (it surprised me) Ron Perlman as Norick—but most of them are awful. Liotta tends toward overacting and this is as cheesy as he gets, all glinting blue eyes and deranged laughter. Forlani couldn't handle the abrupt shifts from joy to grief to action, and so seemed emotionally off, particularly transitioning from bawling over her dead son to Very Ready for Sex with Statham's Farmer. The less said the better about Reynolds, particularly the death scene that he wrote for himself. 

overall:  recommended for mindless action and/or glorying in cinematic cheese only

Man Up (2015) - "A 34-year old single woman, Nancy, hungover again, exhausted by the fruitless set-ups by her friends, travels up to London to toast another 10 years of her parents' successful marriage. She runs in with a 40-year old divorcee, Jack, who mistakes her for his 24-year old blind date. Nancy, deciding to go with it, happens to hop on the most chaotic yet hilarious journey of her life which neither of them will ever forget. There is drinking, competitive indoor sports, an old stalker classmate with a long-standing crush, lost divorce papers, lost hopes, and yeah, Jack finding out the truth. It is a romantic comedy about taking chances, being yourself, making decisions, and rolling with the consequences."
length: 1 hour, 28 minutes

source: streamed on Prime
I watched it because: I'd seen it before (2016, no review), finding it charming and funny. It's been in my Amazon wishlist ever since. I stumbled upon it for free on Prime, so I jumped at the chance to see it again. Alas...
IMDB: 6.8/10  -  Rotten Tomatoes: Tomatometer: 80% Audience: 69%
my IMDB: 4/10

notable quote: "I just want to fulfill a lifelong ambition."

MPAA rating: R

directed by: Ben Palmer

my notes: ugh. Like catching lightning in a bottle it is, sometimes, to see a really good movie. Wish I hadn't watched this for the second time, because now I just don't like it at all. Trite, foolish, obnoxious... and that's just the lead actress. There are far better ways to be entertained.

overall: not recommended

 

[the title quotation is from Man Up]