7.01.2015

I would indeed that love were longer-lived

I shall forget you presently, my dear,
So make the most of this, your little day,
Your little month, your little half a year,
Ere I forget, or die, or move away,
And we are done forever; by and by
I shall forget you, as I said, but now,
If you entreat me with your loveliest lie
I will protest you with my favorite vow.
I would indeed that love were longer-lived,
And vows were not so brittle as they are,
But so it is, and nature has contrived
To struggle on without a break thus far,
Whether or not we find what we are seeking
Is idle, biologically speaking.

[Edna St. Vincent Millay, 'I Shall Forget You Presently' from A Few Figs from Thistles]

6.30.2015

now I'm falling in love too fast - with you or the songs you chose

  • Do you like TV talent shows? not generally, but I have to admit to affection for Howie Mandel, so I've seen America's Got Talent more than once. (He was great in the ancient television show St. Elsewhere--along with Mark Harmon, currently of NCIS fame.)
  • How many hats do you own? a couple of dozen, at least. More since the last time I packed all my stuff up, since there are multiple boxes with that written on the side in my storage area right now.
  • Are you any good at pool? I am. I love it, and I really miss having my own table.
  • What's your favourite accent? it's not so much the accent but the tone of voice, soft and low, and meant just for me
  • In O's and X's, which do you normally pick? is that some Britishism for Tic Tac Toe? Anyway, I'm more X than O.
  • Do you prefer blue or black inked pens? black for most things, but blue for signatures
  • Do you have popcorn with a movie? though I adore the smell of fresh popcorn, I cannot abide eating it
  • Do you have a piggy bank? I do! It was a reward during a work training session. He's full up to the middle of his very round belly. I think that if he is ever filled to the top, he'll burst open because the plastic doesn't seem all that sturdy.
  • What's the fastest you've ever travelled in a car? the fastest I've ever driven is around 110. (Needless to say, I wasn't focused on the speedometer). And I was in a car with someone else driving that was probably going somewhat faster than that. It was exhilarating and terrifying, and hands down the smoothest car I've ever been in.
  • Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender? yep. It was a clerk at Bath & Body works. She spent an inordinate amount of time massaging various lotions and potions into my hands, all the while Tsking about my reasons for being there (which were, admittedly, focused on regaining the attention of the guy I was dating at the time). And offering to replace him in my affections.
  • Have you ever flown first class? I have, and it was lovely. Lots of space and more comfortable seats--and early release from the death tube, which is worth almost any price. It was a free upgrade. The plane was overbooked by several seats (probably close to a dozen), and I believe that my companion and I were offered the bump up because we were quiet, polite, had very little carry-on luggage, and were dressed up a bit more than the average air traveler.
  • Who would you say are more attractive, English or Europeans? Is that even a question?
  • How long has your longest ever phone call been? well over twelve hours. There were short breaks for restroom use, and a couple of quiet times while one of us ran the microwave or something, but it was mostly sitting or lying tethered to the wall outlet, and in absolute bliss. I've rarely been as happy as I was during that time.

    (I know that anyone who really knows me well is probably gasping in surprise at the thought of me
    answering the phone at all, much less talking for that long. Yes, I do have it in me. But yes, it's rare to come forth.

[snagged from here and chopped to bits for easier swallowing; the title quotation is from 'Singing in my Sleep' by Semisonic, from Feeling Strangely Fine]

6.29.2015

don't think money does everything or you are going to end up doing everything for money

Most gasp-inducing thing I've seen at work in a while: documents for someone borrowing 96% of the purchase price of a nearly $150,000 vehicle. That means the down payment on that vehicle was roughly the same as I paid on my current car--which cost roughly 10% of their vehicle's overall price. I realized that, should I ever be in a position to buy a car like that, it's not likely to be financed in quite that fashion. Yipes!

The sweetest/saddest thing I've seen at work lately: documents for the unsecured borrowing of money for two reasons--buying an engagement ring, or paying for a wedding. It makes me feel a hundred years old, stodgy, and rueful.



I've been taking a lot of pictures lately, getting back into my old habit of having a camera in hand whenever I can. I love my phone camera, for the convenience factor, but I want more: a camera that feels substantial in my hand, that's more powerful and customizable and interesting in its own right. I've been contemplating and considering and weighing the idea of buying a "real" camera for a long time, and I'm finally ready. The problem? Money, of course. I can't justify spending that kind of money all at once, particularly at this time in the house hunt. My solution: $5 bills. Anytime I end up with one in my wallet, I'm not going to spend it. Instead, I will put it in an undisclosed location where it can remain, unmolested, until I've got enough (or, in all likelihood, until I've finally located The Camera that I want) and it's time to spend them. (Along with a bunch of extra money that will come from...somewhere.) I decided that change wasn't going to add up fast enough (same with singles), and that anything more than $5 was just silly.

Am also considering putting out a tip jar now and then. Or trading on what I do best. (See photo above.)



This is going to be a pivotal week at work. A big change, some small (irritating) changes, and the possibility of a big practical shift.  We'll just see how this all shapes up.

The music is from the last mix CD in the car, the songs that have run through my head the most. Enjoy!

[the title quotation is by Voltaire {Fran├žois-Marie Arouet}]

6.28.2015

how fortunate that we've agreed on so little

Look, as we promised each other,
we changed nothing and the world
is as wonderful as it was, the rain
tarries this year, but it will come:
it will come as long as we're still here.

Look, as we agreed,
I am in one place, you in another.
We didn't become one, which is also natural,
and in your weakness and in mine
there looms a promise, too:
after memory forgetfulness is all.

And if the road already may incline downward
in the famed sloping print of life's curve,
it does, in some sense, aspire upward,
and aspiration is a great thing in life.
On this, too, we agreed, you surely remember.

And if now I'm alone and aching and ailing more than ever,
this, too, was a choice,
if not always conscious. And if you, too, are alone,
it makes my loneliness less just
and this should sustain you as well.

How fortunate that we've agreed on so little:
on parting, loneliness and fear, the assured things,
and there's always something to return to.
You will see how young we'll be in the end,
and the end, when it comes, will be almost just.
And everything, you will see, will be almost welcome.


[Nathan Zach, 'As Agreed' {trans. from the Hebrew by Tsipi Keller}, from Language for a New Century: Contemporary Poetry from the Middle East, Asia, and Beyond]

6.27.2015

you must learn to understand...that everything beautiful in architecture has been done already

This week's fascinating building is the Slade Block (101 W. Third St.). It was built in 1886, and added to the National Register of Historic Places in 1998. The architect was Charles G. Maybury (more detail here) [later of Purcell, Feick, and Elmslie] for O.A. Slade. It is a Romanesque Revival commercial block, currently containing a newly-vacant storefront and two floors of student housing.

corner of Third and Main Streets

Detail of the corner

My favorite part: the curved corner, the views from which must be just lovely from inside.

Absolutely fascinating reading about the downtown historic district generally can be found in the mass application for National Register status, here. (See page 11 for further details about this building.)

See also the Visit Winona downtown walking tour and the City of Winona downtown historic district design guidelines (page 43 - photo was taken from the Main St. side, rather than the Third St. side).


[the title quotation is by Ayn Rand, from The Fountainhead]

6.25.2015

this is what love comes down to, things that happen and what we say about them

  • Have you ever been admitted to hospital? unless being born in a hospital counts, I have not. At least three broken bones, several minor (and one sort of intermediate) surgeries, and some ferociously bad headache, yes, but never actually admitted.
  • Have you ever had any brushes with the law? well, I was once banned from a public place. And I've been pulled over three times and given two verbal and one written warning. And I've certainly done all sorts of things that could have resulted in legal action.

    And then there were those three years I spent learning the law.
  • Can you solve Sudoko puzzles? no. I have literally never been able to figure it out, though I've tried at least a hundred times.
  • Whats the most unusual conversation you've ever had? my bff and I tend to have conversations (especially by text) that are garbled, circular, and completely hilarious. I would love to reproduce one of them here, but it would put me into uncontrollable giggles and no one else would really understand it anyway.
  • Do you prefer liquid soap or bars of soap? bars of soap for baths, and "the foamy kind" for hand-washing
  • How do you have your eggs? scrambled hard. Not quite browned, but almost there. I cannot abide the sensation of a wet egg in my mouth.
  • Do you often read your horoscope? exactly never. I went through a deep phase of thinking that stuff made sense for me, and when I was done with the phase, I was through with all that.
  • Have you ever had a proper Tarot reading? nope. I would, just to see what it's like, but it's not a strong desire and I don't take it seriously.
  • What's the ultimate cake topping? an extraordinarily fluffy homemade frosting that includes flour and is heated in a double-boiler. I can't ever recall the actual name of the recipe, though, which is sort of a problem.
  • Do you suck or bite lollipops? should there ever again be a reason for me to consume such an item...I would not bite
  • Do you prefer to wash in the mornings or evenings? evenings, definitely. Showering upon waking is far too abrupt for my sensory functioning to handle.
  • Have you ever danced in the rain? not since I was a little kid. That's one of those ridiculous, schmoopy things that I wouldn't mind trying someday.
  • Have you ever sworn at an authority figure? this is an awesome question. The circumstance that comes to mind doesn't exactly involve "an authority figure" but rather a professional person who in no way deserved me going off on her as I did. It's one of those moments that stands out in my memory; I shamed myself that day, there's no going back to fix it, and I sincerely wish that a brick had fallen on my head and prevented that from happening.
[still working on this one, divided into a zillion pieces for easier digestion; the title quotation is by Don DeLillo, from The Names]

6.23.2015

there was always a part of me that hoped for more, and so there was a part of me that was always a fool

I've been listening to a mix CD that I made for Sleek, my old friend/whatever at the library. It's a good mix, set up well in music and in lyrics, so it's easy to hear even after all this time. The funny thing about it is how transparent it is. Was I trying to be so obvious, or did I think I was sneaky? Regardless, I've had more than a few surprised laughs as the next song pops up and I sing a line or two and am transported instantly back to those feelings.


Say something, say something - anything
I've shown you everything
Give me a sign

That we remain friends to this day is a sign of his true kindness.

I saw my new dentist this afternoon. The office was chosen out of the online list provided by my insurance (and with the obvious benefit that I don't know the dentists there, which is not the case all over town). They're in a brand-new building by the highway (flanked by a Caribou Coffee, which is unfortunate). The office is a little futuristic and stark, but it was comfortable enough for the purpose. There were X-rays, a panoramic X-ray of my head (necessitating the removal of all six earrings, which was disconcerting and difficult!), cleaning, jabbing-poking-bleeding-crying inside, flossing, and a quite comprehensive check by the dentist, not only of teeth but my whole face, basically. I was given the thumbs-up and released for another six months. W00t.

Work has been incredibly schizo lately: either ferociously busy, so that I'm almost tripping over myself rushing to get things done, or so godawful dead boring that I can hardly stay awake to jab myself with a paperclip to spur some movement. To be honest, I'm not comfortable with either of the extremes, and wonder if there was a way we could organize things so that it's a more reasonable flow. Alas, not my problem. It's weird to be so totally not management after all this time. I don't miss managing the people (AT. ALL.) but the things, the flow? I miss that.

Because my life is insane, I'm sort of being stalked again. This one's not dangerous (are they ever?) but just profoundly irritating. I do sometimes wish I could disappear.

And now my computer's informed me that I'm running on reserve power. It has, allegedly, three minutes to live. Guess I'll cut this short.


I'd love you to love me
I'm begging you to beg me

[the title quotation is by Patrick Rothfuss, from The Wise Man's Fear]