hometown in pix, day 6

The River from my hometown. This is the best view of The Beach (the less colorful side of The Island--for more color, read about the boathouse community).
The view toward the east, which is actually south. Or south, which is actually east. What I mean is that the River flows West to East here.
Looking vaguely west, which is sort of north...ish. That's the Interstate Bridge.
Detail of the [obviously deceased] railroad bridge. No, I don't know how the graffiti got there. No, I don't like to think too much about it.
Another view of The Beach; expand and look through for a view of the High Wagon Bridge, the subject of my first serious college history paper.
Smooth ripples on the surface of the River. This is why I am drawn to this place, why it makes for good problem-solving: mutability.
A tiny little boat on a very big river.
Later that same day, I visited friends for dinner and cat-play. Their ancient part-Siamese fought her basic nature and posed for pictures. She rather resembles a bowling ball with legs. She is also somewhat cross-eyed. I love her to pieces.
Closeup of the one I call Corabelle.

teach not thy lip such scorn, for it was made / for kissing, lady, not for such contempt

• Are you good at doing other people's hair? nope, nor do I have an interest in it
• Do you ever hold your phone up in the air to get service? not that I know of?
• Are your lips currently chapped? lick 'em and find out--I dare you
• Do you text fast? yes, and with a new inaccuracy of which I am not fond
• Have you ever lost a best friend, and then got them back? once or twice at a particularly large Barnes & Noble, maybe
• Do you sometimes feel awkward around people you don't know so well? of course
• What'd you do today? sleep, work, read
• What'd you do last night? read, l-o-n-g shower, sleep
• What are you doing tomorrow? sleep, work, buy milk, read
• Do you bite your nails? no
• What's the last smiley faced you used? probably :P (I've been feeling a little tongue-stuck-out-ey lately)
• What's the last place on your body that you itched? left elbow, where there's quite a large bug bite on top of The World's Worst Sunburn
• Do you get dry skin? only if I mistreat it, which I do not
• Do you often feel alone? not nearly often enough
• Do you only charge your phone when needed? of course? Why else would I charge it? There must be some inflection there that I'm not getting....
• How many rings do you wear, if any? I very rarely wear rings, but when I do it's usually just one on my left thumb
• Meet anyone new today? not formally
• What's the last picture message you received on your phone? you really, really do not want to know
• Do you enjoy the "family friendly" environment? not especially
• How do you feel about not having any "smut" related questions on here? as much as I love smut, I don't feel the need to roll in it nonstop, thanks
• Is there anything in particular you'd like the readers to know about you? if there is anything that I haven't covered somewhere on the blog already, we'll probably get to it eventually. If, however, you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment or to contact me through the usual channels.
• Is there anything you regret? um, yeah.
• Do you like roller coasters? I find them fascinating from a physics standpoint
• How do you feel about abortion? I probably couldn't do it, but I defend your right to make your own decisions about your own body.
• What are your thoughts on "butter and goblin jumper cables"? "sounds like utter gibberish" and "The Cat Googled this and found that it actually had some meaning but I'm too damned lazy to follow suit. If I ever need to know, I will ask her."
• Do you snore? I breathe.
• If you could re-live one moment in your life, what would it be? To enjoy again? One of those good nights in the basement on Huff Street. I have the feeling that there was prehaps much more there than we knew.
  And to do over, differently? I would take that clerk job when I was a 3L. Maybe then I'd have been worthy of a kiss in a diner....
• Do you enjoy bowling? not really. I'd sure love to go to Canada to see if it's different up north, though.
• Do you like to golf? haven't been in forever; I'd rather watch than play
• Hot or cold when it comes to the weather? I prefer cool, because I'm always, always, always warm
• What is your favorite time of year? autumn
• What do you like best about camping? not doing it. There's absolutely zero about camping that appeals to me--except for s'mores, and that's just an inside joke anyway.
• If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? probably my IQ
• Have you ever been in love? yup
• What color are your eyes? blue
• What is the last thing you did last night? took a long, VERY cold shower to try and pre-cool my skin enough to sleep
• What is the first thing you did this morning? ate breakfast
• Would you ever relocate for a job or family? have done. Would I again? That would have to be one HELL of a job or family.
• Do you like candles? I like fire.
• Are you close with your family? 250 miles or so
• Do you like going to parks? yes {snicker}
• What kind of shampoo do you use? Redken
• What kind of cologne do you use, if any? Armani Code
• How long have you been at your job? way, way, way tooooooo long
• Would you ever want to have kids? ever?
• What do your parents think of your musical tastes? they accept, sometimes admire, and sometimes embrace it
• How much do you care what they think of your music? I'm glad that they're open to it, I suppose, since we've always been a sort of music-friendly household
• Do you go to church with your family or friends? have done
• When you go to church, do you go to the early A.M. service? not if I can help it
• What do you like most about going to church? music
• What do you hate most about going to church, if anything? I prefer not to think of it in terms of "hate", but, the proselytizing. If I'm there, that ought to be good enough; it's the literal preaching to the choir that turns me off.
• Is there anything you couldn't forgive someone for? yes
• What would be an ideal first date? "drinks and banter"
  (There are some things, some words and phrases, that will forever be locked in my memory. I'm both glad and sorry to say that this is one of them, considering.)
• What was the last thing you thought about before going to sleep last night? "skin so. very. hot."
• What color are the sheets on your bed? Dutch blue
• What size bed do you have? Queen
• What super power would you like? clarity

[from The Cat, of course, who got it here. I excised a few of the questions that seem to show up on every quiz ad nauseum. And that's Shakespeare in the title, King Richard III, Act I, Scene II.]

hometown in pix, day 5

On the afternoon of the fifth day, I was reading in the living room when my dad glanced out the window. "Grab your camera." I don't ask questions when I hear that. This is what I found.
She was pretty mellow about my presence, pausing to look at me but not giving the slightest indication that she wasn't happy.
She'd munched pretty much all the good stuff out of the planter on the back side-hill before heading off toward the neighbor's. She was kind enough to give one last good look.
It was at her departure that we noticed her odd gait. She had probably broken her, uh, rear passenger side (?) leg and healed it badly. She was limping but moving pretty quickly, so it seems she's adapted.
Later that night, I met up with a friend I've known since age 9. Though we'd planned to have dinner, it morphed into a few (or maybe a dozen?) drinks and a massive plate of nachos. Crazy awesome nachos!
[I took no photos on day 4.]

hometown in pix, day 3

The River, north of home by about 20 miles.
The view north from the same spot. It was raining hard and the weather made the view even more spectacular.
It was also pretty windy (and the valley is more pronounced there) so there were mild whitecaps on the River.
Not quite an island but more than a sand bar. (Those shadowy bluffs in the background are The Cheese State.)
Definitely an island. It makes me long for summer weekends with nothing better to do but go out on a boat and waste half a day....
This is another of my parents' cats, the most shy one. She was not at all happy with me taking pictures during dinner time.
Eventually even she could not resist the allure of chicken scraps--particularly since she recently had a litter and needs to rebuild her strength. Mama Gray is probably a pretty big cat when she's at fightin' weight.
[I took no photos on day 2.]

hometown in pix, day 1

    I haven't posted many photos lately. I'll relay my vacation exploits (the ones that are appropriate for this venue, anyway) a day at a time.
    Day 1 (first full day): it rained. There was a very, very bright rainbow. At the end was the malt manufacturer.
There were actually two, or maybe three (look to the left of the dimmer [outer] one, maybe half again as far out as the second is from the first) rainbows.
My parents have cats. Stray, feral, snotty, and big eaters. This one they call "Big Orange." Have I mentioned that my parents have gone a little bonkers through boredom from early retirement?
Big Orange is less annoyed by photography than are the other six.
Yeah, that's right, my parents feed seven stray cats. What of it?

o'dear

• Very proud to report that I am an honorary "Goddamn bat person."
• The largest of my new tattoos itches like a MoFu. Woke up twice last night, intensely aware of it. Oh, is that the healing process? I don't like it. Stop.
  The littler ones (which are all roughly the same size) haven't begun to peel yet, much less to heal. This is going to be interesting.
• Tornado Watch tonight. Three+ hours of me staring worriedly at the sky. In the end, it was absolutely nothing.
• I think I've finally fully recovered from last Thursday. A couple of the guys from work came over for, er, 'drinks and banter.' More drinks than banter, really. We polished off a fifth of Jack (sorry, Herkimer) that barely had a dent in it, a fifth of Cruzan rum (and put a serious dent in the next one), and fully half a gallon jug of Rossi sangria. Plus accompanying pizza (Canadian bacon, fresh tomato & onion) and fruit (ostensibly for the sangria, but it was a free-for-all). Quite a night. My mouse is only now rolling properly again, and the straws that were stuck to various spots on the carpet have been pried up and discarded. Most of the evening was a lot of fun, particularly the wearing of a chicken hat and some discussion of the freakishly mesmerizing cross-eyed girl. In retrospect (as is often the case with drunken evenings), there was a less-fun shadow cast. But we can't win 'em all, can we?
• There have been some communiques from mixed-messages land, a.k.a. Texas. I really do not understand what's going on there. I do know that if I was getting half those messages from 60 miles from here, I'd be taking them a hell of a lot more seriously...and that's a hint as to how seriously I'm [not] taking them.
• The good news: I've found an unbelievably good song ("Take Me Back In Time") by a very cool band (Idlewild), and I'm dying to buy it. The bad news: it's a Scottish band, the CD (Post Electric Blues) hasn't been released in the US yet, it's not available on iTunes (or any other electronic source), and the import version is something like $37.98 from Amazon. All that, for ONE song?! I'm a little wacko about money sometimes, but that's just out of control. Grrr!
• I leave you with a photo from my parents' sunroom. D'oh!

negotiator, with explorer tendencies

1. Have you ever been so lost that you were really afraid? no. I've been lost enough to be frustrated, annoyed, embarrassed, and pissed off, but never really afraid.
2. Have you ever been to an island? um, yeah. Why does this question seem so ridiculous to me? I suppose people who didn't grow up within spittin' distance of a major river would have a harder time of it (and then there's all y'all who either live on or have traveled to international island hotspots).
3. Are you more of a thinker or feeler? though I'm perfectly capable of thinking most of the time, I would have to say that I'm a feeler.
4. Do you tend to see issues or situations in life as black and white or shades of gray? I see life in such gray terms that I even allow for some black and some white--oooh!
5. If you were stuck on an island, what book would you hope to have with you? (Let's pretend the Bible is already there, so you can't say that.) don't bother stopping me if you've heard this before: The Brothers K by David James Duncan. Every time I read it, I love it even more than I did before, and I get more out of it all the time.
6. What are you most afraid of? big dogs, heights, and being the last to know
7. Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones? losing the old ones. If I can't make new ones, how will I know it?
8. Pretend I'm looking at a scrapbook page about you. There are three spaces for you to drop in individual pictures. What are those pictures of, and why did you select them? a baby picture, one of my feet (preferably after my next trip to the tattoo place), and one of my friends. Why? Because if you know me now, then you know that my baby pictures are still close enough to how I look now as to represent me accurately. And because as an adult, those feet (and tattoos) say more about me than any other part of me could. And because my friends are what I would want to see, if I had one picture to represent my life.
9. If you were re-doing your wedding, what would you do differently? a different guy, I guess, sums it up nicely.
10. Tell me one thing you know/believe about forgiveness. don't rely on it. Try not to require it.
11. You're waiting in a doctor's office. What is your favorite way to pass that time? If I know for sure that it'll be a while (e.g. mine is the very last appointment of the day, or I have more than one appointment with a delay between) I will bring a book. Otherwise, I simply sit and wait. I know: it bothers people when I don't do anything. However,
    1. It doesn't bother me to bother people, and
    2. It doesn't bother me to do nothing. I can sit, and wait, and not be bored. My brain is awfully active at the best of times, so it can be a good thing to just let it work without distraction periodically.
12. If there were a clone of you in a parallel universe what is one way you hope she/he would be the same as you and one way you hope she/he would be better? same: be more generous than is considered normal. Better: recognize those not-so-subtle interpersonal cues that I tend to reject when I would prefer a different outcome.

[from The Cat, who got it here]

but I'm glad that you came, no regret and no shame...

    It's hard to learn that it's better to be a close, trusted friend than to hold out hope for "something more." Good, but hard.
    I should've stopped a couple of hours and 3 or 4 drinks ago.
    I didn't want to stop

 

...as I'm lying here dead on the floor. [from "Dead on the Floor" by Alkaline Trio]

no backs

    Three days left of this vacation. Today was eventful already: I spent the morning at the tattoo place (after standing in the rain waiting for them to open). I now have four more nice, shiny, new tattoos. They look fantastic and I'm already making plans for the next ones—I want four more in vaguely symmetrical locations. OK, the one bad part? My skin feels like it's been rubbed the wrong way with a steel brush. For hours. I didn't cry, but I sure as hell wanted to. There are photographs, but I was way too open about it all last time. This time around, the first viewing should be face-to-face (er whatever). Those few of you without -to-face options are welcome to leave a comment, send an email, or contact me in whatever other way, to make arrangements for a viewing, if you are suitably inspired.        
    Tomorrow is my brother's girlfriend's daughter's HS graduation party. On any other planet, they'd have gotten married at some point in the past 15 years or so and she'd just be my niece, but the terminology doesn't really matter. She's the bee's knees and I'm very happy for her. College is just under two hours away and takes her into closer proximity to my niece—and further away from her extremely over-protective and excessively generous grandparents. It will be good for the child to be on her own; I'm looking forward to tomorrow's send-off.
    I'll likely take a moment during the day to raise a glass in honor and memory of what was and what might have been. Tomorrow would have been my eighteenth wedding anniversary.
    Monday it'll be breakfast out with the 'rents before packing up the car (I haven't acquired all that much random stuff to take back this time, unlike some trips where the trunk is absolutely stuffed with God knows what). Before I actually leave town, I'll stop at the university to pick up a CD of photos (college BFF was kind enough to take pictures during the tattoo experience, and also to pat my head when it looked like I was going to pass out), and also get some donuts from the local place. (Seriously, the best donuts on the planet.) I was [firmly] requested to bring some back with me. After that, it's on the road. Four hours with four open wounds might prove something of a challenge. Guess I'll find out.
    Once back, it's mail/groceries/laundry, and back to work on Tuesday. Wonder if I can show up on time? Meh; no worries. For now, I've got my feet up, and I'm reading another new book. Vacation = a good thing.

but you've felt this way all along

• Can you answer all of these questions honestly? yup. I'm not saying that I will, but I can
• Could you handle being married to the last person you messaged/commented? no clue - it's someone on FB that I've never met face-to-face. What I know of him I like very much, but it's remained what I might term a 'close acquaintanceship' at best
• Show us the last picture you uploaded. [at right] it was my FB profile picture for a week or so
• Can you honestly say you're okay right now? sure
• Do you have good vision? correctable to 20/20
• Do you know anyone with a cute laugh? let's just say, I remember someone whose laugh was the best sound on Earth
• How do you feel about answering personal and/or intimate questions? I sometimes do it without making it obvious that I've done so.... Guess that means I'm at least somewhat comfortable with it.
• What's your favorite food of your culture? depends how we're defining "my culture." By blood I'm roughly half and half, Norwegian and English. Norwegian food makes me want to hurl, and English food is nothing to write home about (so to speak). My mom's a great cook; by familial 'culture' my favorite food is roast beef, far and away. I consider myself at least slightly Puerto Rican, by choice and osmosis, and my favorite food from that cuisine (that I've managed to accomplish) is chicken fricassee. It's about time I make that, too. Late June, I think.
• Has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once? only my brother
• What videos are on your iPod? heh...there's something about meerkats, a Breakfast Club clip, a Monty Python bit, some Mythbusters, and also some, er, amateur stuff that shall not be discussed further
• Have you ever doubted that love exists? no
• Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? no
• Who do you regret meeting? only and always Nick
• What fictional character do you wish was real? Everett Chance
• Are you a bad influence? yes
• What were you last late for? work, duh
• Have you ever thrown water at a mirror with the lights off? ummm, no
• If you had to choose someone to sleep next to every night, and wake up to every morning; who would it be? right at this moment, who would I chose? Brian from Mad-town. Why? 'Cause we slept well together, even though I wanted to kill him and he wanted desperately to be anywhere other than where I was. That's a strange compatibility that would lend itself to good sleep over time. Screw the rest of it—and, seriously, my other options are probably a hell of a lot worse.
• Day been rough? nah. Today I've finished a book of short stories (A Relative Stranger [by Charles Baxter, who wrote The Feast of Love], my second book of the trip so far), taken about 5 naps, and watched a movie (To Have and Have Not, with Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall). That's a good day.
• What are you majoring/did you major in? History & Law
• What was the last thing that made you laugh? an email message from the Mumbler
• Favorite flavor of Jell-o? pineapple
• Do you secretly still watch cartoons? not so secretly, I'll watch The Simpsons now and then
• Do you look decent when you wake up? depends. I have my moments.
• Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
  Love love, kiss kiss... blah blah blah
  You're making me sick, I wish you'd just stop
  Showing off for the rest of us
  That no one wants to love... [from "Love Love, Kiss Kiss" by Alkaline Trio]
  In other words: fuck, yes. Sometimes, it does, indeed.
• What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? yawn and shrug. What's new?
• Is anyone falling for you? seems likely
• What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? see a couple of posts ago. What's fascinating about this question, suddenly?
• What can you hear right now? clocks, and a jet. Weird, that.
• Do you prefer quizzes or surveys? whatever. I sometimes like my posts to be directed in some way—especially since I'm getting almost no feedback from readers, so I have little clue whether this is working or not. Hi Cat & Molly! :)
• Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? no
• Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms? of course—sometimes I am alone in crowded rooms.
• What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven? sorry, I do not create "get out of jail free" cards for just anybody
• What are you doing tomorrow? breakfast with the parents, then driving north on the river road to the toy store, hoping to find something unique and wonderful for college BFF's daughter (the 9-y-o!)'s birthday and a hat for Farmer E. If there's time, I'll meander back through the towns along the river and get some pictures.
• Were you single over the summer? last summer, I was in the odd position of being ardently 'courted' from afar while also being pursued locally (albeit by someone not in a position to be pursuing). So...yeah, no, sort of?
• How late did you stay up last night? 1-ish
• Can you read other people's expressions? can, and do

[from The Cat, who got it here]

how my achievements mock me!

1. In A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Lysander says:
   
   “Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
   
   Could ever hear by tale or history,
   
   The course of true love never did run smooth…”
   
   How has this proven (or not proven) to be the case in your life?
        I am not currently involved in a long-term, serious relationship, though that has been the case previously. Therefore, logically, one can assume that something went wrong along the line. To answer your question: the closest I've ever come to knowing true love was when my boat crashed on its rocky shore.
   
2. In Hamlet, the title character says:
   “Frailty, thy name is woman!”
   Who in your life has proven this not to be true? And if you’re willing to share, who in your life has proven this to be completely true?
        There are numerous examples of un-frail, or even anti-frail women in my life, thank God. Fluffy is the absolutely best example (which is not surprising, since she's an awesome example in many ways). She's also never, not ever, sanctimonious or precious. "If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want." [Oscar Wilde]
         Who has proven this to be completely true? My best friend from high school, who thinks that the only "natural" role for a woman is that of wife and mother. A former friend, someone I used to think I knew well, who docilely agreed to leave when her husband threw her out of their house and continued his relationship with his pregnant mistress. And a former colleague whose strength I'd admired, ironically, until I realized that "strength" is an offensive tactic.  
   “’Just remember, Samantha, wanting to be loved is not a weakness, and loving someone is one of the must fulfilling and rewarding things you can do. If it goes wrong you’ll recover, but we need the highs and lows in life. The contrasts are what drives us forward. It’s not just about survival, and don’t confuse being tough with being strong.’” [Jane Sigaloff, in Lost & Found]
   
3. In The Merry Wives of Windsor, Pistol says:
   “Why then the world’s mine oyster,
   Which I with sword will open.”
   Ignoring the possible sexual meaning here, how do you feel about oysters?
         {{{shudder}}} I'm not a fan of seafood in any form.
         But seriously--how can you ignore the "possible" sexual meaning here? “The world is an oyster, but you don't crack it open on a mattress.” [Arthur Miller]
   
4. In The Merchant of Venice, Lorenzo says:
   “The man that hath no music in himself,
   Nor is not mov’d with concord of sweet sounds,
   Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils.”
   Do you agree, and have you known anyone who seemed to be completely unmoved by any kind of music?
   I could not agree more. I cannot imagine a day without music. One of my friends, who I'm only recently coming to know well, has surprised me in this area. Although she is on the surface "a music fan," she is markedly intolerant of all types of music except that to which she listens. It's not that she "doesn't like" other things; she is vocally offended or repulsed by everything else that anyone chooses to hear. It is annoying on a personal level (who wants to play or talk about music around someone who is almost guaranteed to complain about it?) and disappointing on a philosophical one, too: I thought she was more evolved than that. The world is bigger than just her preferences, and there are sometimes--even often--others present who are as offended by her prejudices as she is by their preferences.
   
5. Is Shakespeare overrated, or is he truly the Western world’s greatest writer?
   While he is certainly overrated (who wouldn't be, 400 years after the fact?), I do believe that he is truly the greatest writer of the Western world. My own enjoyment of his works aside: who's the competition?

[from The Cat, who got it here]

wanna hold you high and steal your pain

    Every day when I'm naked before the closet, rushing to get dressed, I'm struck again with amazement that I've got nothing to wear. How is it, then, that I've been doing laundry since I got home at 5:15, the dryer's still running, and there are heaps of clothes all over the bed waiting to be put away?!

    I fell asleep almost immediately after slipping into bed last night. How do I know? Because I saw the clock less than 40 minutes later, when I woke from one of the worst nightmares I've ever had. Every inch of skin that's got hair was goose-bumped, and I had to get out of bed and walk around for 5 or 10 minutes before I could even think of trying to sleep again. I was very close to calling someone to talk me down - but, seriously, who do you call at 1:20 AM because you've had a nightmare?! Yeah, more backsliding, since the first person that I thought to call (to the point that my first conscious thoughts were "phone!" and "6!", since that was his speed-dial) was Johnnie. Blargh. Sort of strange that my second thought was to call my brother, who would have laughed his ass off after blistering my ear for waking him up for such a stupid reason. This is the same loving sibling who once, after I'd let him know I was having a bad dream when he was babysitting a very young me, let me come sleep near him. Not in his bed, or in his room, but on the floor in the hallway, outside his (closed) door. Oh, I know he loves me. Just, differently.

    The content of the nightmare is completely gone, for what that's worth. I'm just left with the prickly sense that it'll return if I let my guard down. Like too-frequent visitors (especially those with questionable taste in music), or strep throat.

    If I've never said this before: steroids are SO cool. All last week I had that plaguey sore throat thing that I get every couple of months, where one of my tonsils swells three times its normal size and is so painful that I can hardly swallow (or allow any pressure on it, making sleep almost impossible). It started Monday night and became steadily worse through the week; by Thursday I was in agony and called the doctor. The earliest appointment that I could get was Saturday. My doctor diagnosed a throat infection and sinus infection, and as a bonus he verified that I had indeed broken my toe. My antibiotic and Prednisone prescriptions awaited me when I arrived at the pharmacy, and I took the first dose shortly thereafter. I felt better almost immediately, and the swelling began to abate right away. I had almost no symptoms as of Sunday afternoon. I couldn't be happier with my medical treatment in general, I adore my doctor, and this experience is a perfect example. And, seriously, steroids are awesome. My tonsils are almost human-sized again!

    I'm "pre-packing" for a trip. For, I should say, what looks to be my "long summer trip." Siiiiiiiggghhhhhhh. I'm sure it's unproductive to wish that my life would change sufficiently for me to vacation somewhere, oh, I don't know, NOT familial. Sometimes I feel like a very salty soup. Bah. Anyway, I'm not exactly packing, but gathering stuff together for the eventual packing of same. Sorting and organizing. And listening to the bones of a mix CD, which is neither here nor there. Trying not to think too far ahead. Wondering how much control we have over ourselves, really. Mumbler and I seem to be in the same sort of mental ... test, I guess, right now. Wanting mind to overcome matter. Matter to be damned. Wanting to be stronger than our (individual) [I mean, seriously, these two circumstances could NOT be further removed from each other!] wanting. Is it possible to decide to stop ___, and then to stop, for real? I suppose it depends on whether it's what you want to do, or what you've got no control over. Guess 'control' is the point.

    The travelers have returned, so my kitty-sitting stint has ended. I'm glad they're back (it was a long trip and not for happy reasons) but I'm also sad to be letting go of my daily dose of blatant love. The froofy one made no bones about his adoration for me, and though his sister was more parsimonious in her displays, she allowed me some liberties that aren't normal for her. If I gain permission from their people, I'll post photos or videos. They're too adorable.

    The dryer has stopped, so there's a chance that I can get some sleep. I'm going for it.

backsliding

    The things that feel the best, and the most right, can be the absolute worst for you. Not at the time—not while you're in it, in that way where you could see what you're doing to yourself and so pluck yourself out or maybe ask for some help—but later, when it's just another x of the mire in which you're neck-deep. Man, do I hate feeling so wrong about something that feels felt so right.